Imperfectly Matched
by Greye Granger
Summary: Online Dating, your best friend's ex, and snowed in at Christmas all wrapped in one. What can, does, and will come of it all. RATED M. Tattward. SUB/DOM-ISH. AH. ALL BPOV.
1. Chapter 1

**There is just something so fun and exhilarating about posting a new story. Here's to Christmas, and here is to my first Tattward! Eek!**

**I claim NOTHING Twilight. I leave all of that lovely stuff to Stephenie.**

**This story is rated M for language, smoking, drinking and future lemons.**

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**Chapter 1:**

**Daydreams**

I could not believe that I was about to do this. How gullible was I? My computer screened stared back at me brightly. It was patiently waiting for me to continue. I hit generate and held my breath. It took a lot longer than I thought for this website to find my perfect match in a man. I took a drink of my beer.

One match. It made a ding sound. I rolled my eyes. Marie Swan you have been matched with Tyler Mason, I read silently. I clicked on his name. My Internet service was not as quick as it usually was due to the storm outside. I waited, drank more. Waited.

I could not help but read aloud to myself.

"Tyler Mason. Age 25. He lives alone in the area with a dog. Hazel eyes, bronze hair and almost six feet tall. Hobbies include, drawing, piano playing, club dancing, cooking, hunting."

I smiled, then frowned. What a strange list of hobbies.

"Wants a large family and a lovely woman to love him."

I could be that, I thought. Suddenly, my cell phone rang, breaking me from my thoughts. I jumped in surprise.

"Yes, Rosalie," I droned.

"Did you do it?" She demanded. I sighed.

"Just created it."

"You picked a good picture, right?"

"This site doesn't do that as way of privacy. You email each other and then can you disclose pictures etc," I explained.

"That's lame."

"You would say that," I replied sarcastically. "I can't believe you're talking me into this," I whined to her. It had to be the hundredth time I had complained to her about this. Rosalie was not the type to give up. She was a pest, but also my best friend since high school.

"It can't hurt anything, Bella. Chill. Did you get matched?"

"Yeah, some guy named Tyler."

"He lives in the Springs?" She asked.

"Yes."

"Perfect!" She squealed. I held my iPhone away from my ear in pain.

"Did you email him?"

"I was about to," I half lied, "Before you interrupted me."

"Oh, sorry, sorry! Call me in the morning with details," She demanded again.

"I will." We hung up and I went back to my laptop. I leaned against my headboard and sighed.

Online dating? Had I really become so helpless in the dating world? It isn't like I did not try to meet men, because I did. They all just wanted too little or way to much. I frowned at my own complicated self. Maybe this Tyler guy could be the one, though. Maybe I would find him irresistible. At twenty-three, I sure did act like some old hag instead of a ripe piece of meat, as Rosalie liked to refer to me as.

It had been a very long time since I had considered anyone irresistible. A very long time since anyone had truly caught my undivided attention. I can remember that one boy that did, though. He was the only boy that had ever struck me. Sadly, he was unattainable. You don't crush over your best friend's boyfriend. That is in the code. A big no, no.

I could not help myself, though. Rosalie dated a lot, and she always got wonderful guys. In high school, it always seemed strange that her and I would fit together so well as best friends. I was nothing like her, which is probably why that boy, Edward, never really noticed me. I looked to my laptop again. It was waiting for me. I finished my third beer and decided that Mr. Mason would still be my match in the morning. I closed my eyes to begin my daily daydream, only this time, I started at the beginning.

**Five years ago**

It was a Saturday night in April during our senior year of high school. Rosalie's parents were often out of town, so we held parties at least every other weekend. I usually drank too much, but wasn't that part of it all?

"Bella! Get your scrawny ass over here!" Rosalie called. My head was fuzzy. The crowd around me was hard to see through. I stood up and pushed my way through the mess of people. My eyes searched for Rosalie frantically.

"Bella," She said. I spun around, giving myself a head rush. Rose stood behind me expectantly.

"Hey, sorry," I said. She smiled at me and nodded her head to the left. My eyes looked beside her, then upward to see him.

He was stunning. My legs suddenly felt like jelly as they quivered. Something about the boy made looking at him feel incredibly too personal to do. Never in my life had I been stricken into silence just by someone's appearance. He sported a crooked grin. His hair was was wild as the party around us and shined the color of copper. His chest was broad and his tight black v-neck was low enough to reveal some of his chest hair. On his left bicep, peeking out below his short sleeve was the start, or the end, of a tattoo. My mouth went dry.

Of course, I had to force my eyes away. This is the boy Rosalie had been telling me about for weeks. The boy who was three years older than us, making him of legal age to drink. The boy that lived in the city and went to college. A college boy. What could he see in my eighteen year old friend? What could she have to offer him? There had to be more than sex, didn't there? I frowned.

"Hi," I said. The boy's crooked grin shifted into a full fledged one.

"Edward," He confirmed.

"Edward," I whispered.

"Isn't he sexy?" Rose adored. She threw her hand to his chest and rubbed up and down. I nodded absently, still staring into Edward's golden eyes.

"I told her you were," She said to Edward. He laughed lightly. I did not enjoy this strange affect he had on me. I tried to think of a way to get out of this burning ring of fire.

"Well, I'm going to show Edward the house," Rose said. She took hold of his forearm and spun him around. She turned back to me and winked. They walked away together and left me in shambles. I tried collecting the pieces but they were running away from me.

I managed to move away from the party and loud music onto the front porch. With my beer and thoughts, I tried to figure out what had happened to me. Never in my life had I melted on the spot. I was only eighteen, too young to think of such things. At least, that's how I was supposed to think being raised in a house of devout Catholics. Sure, I drank, got drunk more than I should, and did stupid things with Rosalie, but when it came to boys, I was an empty shell casing.

I couldn't help my upbringing when it came forth, and it always did when it came to boys. I wanted to wait. I wanted it to be special. Not only because of my religion, but because why not? Who wanted to worry about such things as, who has slept with who before you, STD's, or knowing how to have sex with anyone? I liked being uninformed because I was saving myself.

I never told that to Rosalie, of course. To her, it would no doubt be blasphemy. When it came to guys, I usually shrugged it off to get her off my back. But something happened within me when I saw Edward. All my values went out with the trash. I wanted to have him in the darkest of ways. I chugged my beer, uncomfortable within my own head. Just then, the front door opened.

I had been out here a lot longer than I realized. It was now dark outside. The porch light was off. The only light given to my eyes was that of white Christmas lights that went along the porch banister. Edward stepped onto the porch. I watched him in silence as he fixed his jeans. The porch swing I sat on squeaked suddenly, giving me away. I groaned inwardly. Edward's eyes shot up to mine from his fly.

He didn't look ashamed. Or nervous even. He was suave. He smiled seductively at me. I wanted to speak, but his presence stopped my vocal cords. He winked, and stepped off the porch into the darkness that my thoughts inevitably went back to as he walked away.

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**Poor Bella! Crazy Rosalie and a HOT Edward, what do you think?! :P xox**


	2. Chapter 2

**I am loving the excitement over this story already! ;)**

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**Chapter 2:**

**Contact**

_Dear Tyler,_

_My name is Marie and we were matched together from the datematch website. I am not sure where to begin with this, but I am interested._

_I have enclosed the link to my profile._

_If you would like to chat sometime, feel free to email me back._

_-Marie_

_Sent Dec 10, 2012 at 11:37 pm_

_Dear Marie,_

_I must admit that this is the first email or match that I have received. I checked your profile and saw that you're an art gallery owner. I find that very interesting as I collect art._

_I have lived in Colorado Springs all of my life and I have a dog. He is a Siberian Husky and quite the rascal. I enjoy horses, too. Truthfully, I am not very good at dating, which is why I have succumbed to this dating page. How sad for a twenty-six year old, eh?_

_-Tyler_

_Sent Dec 11, 2012 at 9:00 pm_

_Dear Tyler,_

_I am laughing, but kindly as I am the same way when it comes to dating. I live alone in an apartment and am also from Colorado Springs._

_I opened my art gallery two years ago and am surprised to find so many people interested in it._

_I have cat, a very fat cat who is almost five. I call him fatty._

_What sort of art are you interested in?_

_-Marie_

_Sent Dec 11, 2012 at 11:42 pm_

_Dear Tyler,_

_Fun? What is that? Ha! Kidding. Um, wow I don't really know. I work long hours. I enjoy going home to my parents to visit and my best friend and I will go out to eat or see a movie every now and then._

_My life is too boring to be that of a twenty-three year old, sadly. I suppose I am looking for some fun, always._

_What about you?_

_-Marie_

_Sent Dec 14, 2012 at 7:12 am_

_Dear Marie,_

_I too am too young to be this old. I don't get out much. I have friends, but they all still act a little too young for my taste being the same age as myself. Although, I do enjoy all things. If I had not become such a hermit, I would probably be more interesting._

_Haha_

_-Tyler_

_Sent Dec 14, 2012 at 7:32 pm_

_Dear Tyler,_

_I find you interesting, so no worries there. I have spent my life alone when it comes to significant others... Something I aim to change. _

_-Marie_

_Sent Dec 15, 2012 at 8:00 pm_

_Dear Marie_,

_I want to apologize for my late response. I hope you did not give up on me! The last storm took out my Internet service and cell service at my house is very rare. I hope you have had a great week. Christmas is soon..._

_By the way, I find you interesting, too. :)_

_-Tyler_

_Sent Dec 18, 2012 at 12:00 am_

_Dear Tyler,_

I stopped typing when a ping noise from my computer went off. I frowned then watched as a new window opened.

New instant message from Tyler. My stomach tightened.

_Marie? -T_

My heart stopped beating. I smiled widely at my laptop. I felt like a clown.

_Yes. Hi, Tyler. -M_

I typed quickly.

_I saw that you were online. I hope this is all right. -T_

_Yes, of course. This is probably an easier way to communicate. -M_

_Faster, too. -T_

I smiled wider and settled in my bed comfortably. I had my beer next to me and my laptop on my lap.

_How was you day? -M_

_Great. I went hiking on Mount LeConte. -T_

_Do you do that often? -M_

_I try to. The dog loves it. I do, too, just not so much in the winter. Haha -T_

_Ah, yes. I saw the weather channel showing pictures of all the snow up there. -M_

_Yes. It explains my Internet issues..._

_What will you do this weekend? -T_

_I'll visit my parents tonight for dinner, then probably do some Christmas shopping tomorrow. The gallery is closed for a week due to the holiday. You? -M_

_That sounds nice. I will probably visit my parents on Christmas Eve and my buddies and their wives will come over Christmas Day. -T_

He sounded so perfect to me. My broad smile was beginning to hurt my cheeks. I sat up to tie my long hair back in a ponytail then sipped my beer. I tried to picture him, but failed.

_Sounds like a lovely Christmas to me. So... I must ask, if you don't mind. But what do you look like? -M_

_What do you think I look like? -T_

My cheeks went red.

_Honestly? I have no idea. -M_

_Haha. Well, I am curious about your appearance, too. Let's type it at the same time? -T_

I took a deep breath and tried to think of a way to describe myself.

_Ordinary. -M_

_Strange. -T_

I laughed out loud.

_Strange is better than ordinary. -M_

_Ordinary sounds more interesting that strange. -T_

_How so? -M_

_Maybe I'm sick of strange. I could use some ordinary in my life ;) -T_

If I didn't know any better, I'd say Mr. Mason was flirting with me. I blushed.

Another ping went off.

_Have you had many relationships? -M_

I bit my lip in shame.

_We're still being honest? -M_

_Of course. -T_

_Then no, I have not been in... Many. Or any much at all. -M_

_Why? -T_

_No one has ever cared enough or truly held my interest. -M_

_I see. -T_

_Until now that is. What about you? -M_

_Yes... I have had many, I suppose. I'm not exactly a slut, but I have dated around. I gave up about two years ago or so. -T_

_Bad relationship? -M_

_All bad. -T_

_I'm sorry. -M_

_Don't be. I am where I am because of it. And to go along with your compliment, I aim to change that. You make me smile. -T_

My heart swelled. Never in my life had I had such an effect on someone before in the dating sense. And this was just an exchanging of words.

_I haven't smiled like this in a long time. -M_

_I aim to please Miss Swan. -T_

_Your aim is dead on Mr. Mason. Sadly, I must go and get ready to leave for my parent's house. -M_

_:( May we talk again? -T_

_Please. Yes. I always have my iPhone with me and am able to get emails quicker that way. -M_

_Good to know. Enjoy your night. -T_

_You too! :) -M_

I closed my computer and sighed happily. This new territory was becoming my favorite place to be. I could not wait to hear from Tyler again.


	3. Chapter 3

**Happy Hump Day!**

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**Chapter 3:**

**Jessie's Girl**

My parents lived on the outskirts of Colorado Springs in the same house that I grew up in. It never changed. The same could be said for my parents as well. They were great people, just... Strict. Their religion sort of controls their life. They've been married for twenty-five years and are still in love. They say it is because thy have God, waited for marriage and try to live life according to him, but I always thought that maybe they were just perfectly matched.

I came to the door and let myself inside. My nose was flooded with the scent of ham, wine, potato's, pine tree, and a cinnamon candle all at once. I inhaled deeply. Their place made it feel like Christmas. My tiny fake tree in my apartment was a little sad looking and Fatty kept pulling off all the lights and ornaments.

"Mom? Dad?" I called. I hung my coat up and went for the kitchen.

"In here, Bells!" Dad said from the kitchen. I hoisted my bags up higher and saw my dad at the kitchen table anxiously awaiting my mother's food. She stood at the counter with her Christmas apron on.

"Did you bring the milk, Isabella?" My mother, Renee, asked.

"Yeah, I got it, mom." I walked up to the counter and set the bags down.

"And the seasoning?"

"Yes," I replied.

People used to think that because my name was Isabella, that me and my family were Italian. No, that was a lie. Although, my mother sure did have the temper of an Italian woman, while my dad was the easy going push over sort of man. Maybe that is why they are well suited. I kissed my mother's cheek and went to sit at the table across from my dad. It was the seat I always sat in.

"How's work, dad?" I asked.

"Same." My father, Charlie, was a man of small words. It didn't bother me in the slightest. He and I communicated better with less talk. He had to talk a lot more at work as a police chief than he liked. "You?"

"Good. I sold a very large piece yesterday. It was able to give me the week off for the holiday's."

"Good job, Bells."

"You're still coming here on Christmas day?" My mother asked.

"Of course."

"And Rosalie, too?" Rosalie might as well be an orphan for how much her parents were gone overseas doing God knows what. She was like having another daughter to my parents.

"Mhm."

"Anyone else?"

"Nope," I droned. I knew my mother's tricks. She was hoping this year would be the year that I brought home a good man. A man to marry. A man to give them grandchildren.

"Maybe next year," She said.

"Yeah. Maybe." My mother never let me forget my sad single life. She wanted a good man with a decent paying job. No tattoos allowed or anything of the sort. I sighed inwardly.

After dinner my mother went to clean the kitchen. I offered my help, but she refused as per usual. She enjoyed doing it. My father had turned on a football game and propped his legs up on the coffee table.

"She gone?" My dad asked. I rolled my eyes and laughed. I went and reached behind the TV into a small cooler that my dad kept there to pull out a beer. Catholics only drink wine, or so my mother says. He grabbed a red soho cup and coughed at the same time that he opened the can lid. I laughed again.

"Grab one for you, Bells," He offered. I smiled and did so. He handed me a cup and I sat down on the couch with him. I made sure to cough when I popped the beer tab open.

Football never held my interest much, but I watched it anyway. I considered this quality time with my father and I wouldn't change it. We sipped our beer and yelled at the screen when appropriate. My mother could be heard singing old hymnals in the kitchen. I suddenly remembered my iPhone. I jogged to my jacket on the coat rack and took it out of the side pocket before going back to Charlie.

One new email. I smiled widely.

_._

_._

_Dear Marie,_

_I hope you're having fun at your parent's house. The dog and I had steak for dinner. He begged me, you know. Can't wait to hear from you again._

_-Tyler_

_Sent Dec 20, 2012 at 7:00 pm_

.

.

I laughed and quickly opened a reply email. My thumbs began to tap furiously.

_Tyler,_

_It was a delicious dinner of ham and potato's. Now it is beer and football time with my father... Yuck. Your email made me smile :)_

_-Marie_

_Sent Dec 20, 2012 at 7:26 pm_

_._

_._

_Marie,_

_No hating on beer and football. Sound like an ideal time to me... Go Broncos! Haha. Email me when you get home?_

_Sent Dec 20, 2012 at 7:30 pm_

_._

_._

_Tyler,_

_I most certainly will :)_

_Sent Dec 20, 2012 at 7:32 pm_

.

"I know that smile," My dad said from beside me. My face fell and my cheeks heated up as I shoved my phone into my jeans pocket.

"Just a friend," I assured.

"Uh-uh," He replied sarcastically.

"Don't tell mom," I begged. "Not until I know if it is going anywhere." My dad nudged his shoulder into mine and smiled. My secret was safe with him.

After a pleasant farewell to my parents I started the drive home. It wasn't much over a half an hour drive and I enjoyed it. I turned the radio on searching for a station that wasn't playing Christmas tunes. My thumb twisted the knob until I found one and stopped moving my finger. It was an older song, but one I remembered from somewhere. I frantically tried to place it. The song ended and my shoulders fell. My mind clicked in remembrance.

I was thanking the makers of Apple immensely as I took my iPhone out at a stop sign. I went to iTunes and downloaded the song. I plugged my phone into the auxiliary jack and let the song start from the beginning. Everyone in the English speaking language knew the song Jessie's Girl. It brought back a memory of Edward that I had not thought of in a long time. I started to drive again and sang along to the song as my flashback came over me.

****Five Years Earlier****

It was another party at Rosalie's house. It would be the last of our senior career as it was a graduation party. It was a good thing that Rose's house was so big because there were a ton of people here. People we knew, people we didn't. It never bothered us, though. Alcohol was drank, and cigarettes and pot was smoked.

Rosalie and were upstairs in her bathroom fixing our hair. Rosalie took out a cigarette and lit it.

"Since when do you smoke?" I scoffed.

"Since Edward," She said dreamily. I rolled my eyes. "Take a hit." I sighed and grabbed the cigarette knowing if I did not, she'd call me a pussy for sure. I took a drag of the camel light and coughed. It burned, but not as bad as I thought it would. I gave it back to her.

"You should take your hair down," She suggested.

"You think?"

"You have great hair. It's always so long and healthy. I wish my hair was auburn."

"Oh, please. You love being blonde," I joked.

"True. But yours is pretty, too." I smiled and took my hair down. It was usually this long, because short hair just looked terrible on me. I stared at my reflection. My skin was pale. My arms and legs were too long. My make-up was light. I wore a black skirt and a glittered silver tank too with no bra. I felt pretty, and I would admit to only myself that I wanted to be pretty around Edward. I had not seen him since I first met him, and I wanted to look and act much more suave. Rosalie stood tall and model-like in all her glory. I moaned inwardly. She squealed looking down at her phone.

"He's here!" She grabbed my arm and we went downstairs.

I stood by the fire place watching Edward and Rosalie dance. My insides burned painfully. She was so lucky. Luckier than she realized having Edward in her arms. Suddenly, someone sighed next to me.

"That dick is so lucky." I turned to see Emmett McCarty standing next to me. I followed his drooling gaze to Rosalie's moving body.

"Oh?" I squeaked. Emmett was a football player at the high school who got a scholarship to go to college in sports. He and I had never spoken before but Rose had crushed on him for years. A light bulb went off in my head.

"You like Rosalie?" I asked. He scoffed.

"More than like. You know her?"

"She's my best friend," I said proudly. Emmett's eyes went big.

"You think you could... You know... Put in a good word for me?" He pleaded. I smiled.

"Go ask her to dance after this song ends," I suggested. Emmett's large shoulders shook.

"But the guy," He said.

"He'll go for a smoke break after this song, I guarantee it." Emmett nodded and smiled widely.

"Thanks..."

"Bella," I confirmed.

"Bella. I owe you one!" He stepped off to the side and waited for the song to end.

Like clockwork, Edward stepped out onto the porch as Rosalie went and got them two more drinks. Emmett hesitated. I waited and watched patiently. Edward came back inside after a couple of minutes. I started walking towards him through the crowd of dancers. Just before I got to Edward, Rosalie came to stand in between us.

"Hey, uh, my parents keep calling," She said hurriedly. "I'll be back. Dance with Bella!" She ushered Edward over to me then scurried off. Her cheeks were red. My plan had worked.

Edward looked down to me expectantly. I shrugged.

"Shall we?" He asked. A new song came on. The crowd of people all cheered in excitement and began to sing along to the song as they danced. Edward slowly placed his hands on my hips. I reminded myself to breathe and put my small hands on his shoulders. The song made me laugh for how fitting to my situation it was. We moved along to the music together and sang loudly with Rick Springfield.

_And she's watching him with those eyes_

_And she's lovin' him with that body, I just know it_

_Yeah 'n' he's holding her in his arms_

_Late, late at night_

_You know, I wish that I had Jessie's girl_

If only the names had been switched to Edward and Rosalie and the song had been sung by me. Edward gripped my hips tightly and smiled down at me. His eyes were a scorching color of gold. I melted into him. The song slowly began to fade as a new one started. Edward stopped dancing but did not remove his hands. We both began to look around for Rosalie. Edward shrugged.

"Wanna go smoke?" He asked.

"Sure," I replied smiling. His long fingers reached for mine, his skin softer than velvet as he pulled me through the crowd.

The porch was quiet and the coming summer weather was warm. Edward took out a Marlboro and lit the end pulling in a long drag before handing it to me. If I refused it, he would know that I came out here for another reason, and I didn't want that. I was already embarrassed enough, so I took the cancer stick and inhaled slowly. I did not cough though I desperately wanted to. It burned my throat. I exhaled slowly through my nose as I handed it back to him.

"Congrats on graduating," He said.

"Thank you," I replied.

"College plans?" He asked. He leaned against the porch post easily.

"Uh, yeah, but just the community college in the Springs. I'm going for art."

"I love art." My heart lifted.

"Really?"

"Yeah. Each piece holds a novel within it. Do you paint, draw...?"

"Paint or sketch mostly, but not very often."

"Me too," He replied with a chuckle. I looked to the porch swing and walked over to sit. Edward followed me. He passed the cigarette again. I inhaled fresh air deeply beforehand. I took a drag and it was easier this time.

"What are your intentions with my best friend?" I asked. Edward laughed.

"I guess someone needed to ask, huh? Are her parents really gone all the time?"

"Yes. They travel the world as freelance photographers. They're pretty good at it, too. Every now and then Rosalie's grandma will come and stay here, or she stays with me."

"Ah. I don't know if I can give you any long term intentions. I just like to see where things go." I watched his every move like a hawk watches its prey. He was delicious in the bet sense of the word. His black shirt hugged his torso. Dark jeans and old converse went along with his wild appearance. He was a mystery to behold. The tattoo I had seen the first time I met him was more visible now. I couldn't help but stare at his bicep next to me.

"It's a Celtic cross," He said softly. I jerked my eyes away embarrassed.

"Oh," I replied. He chuckled at me. My cheeks blushed.

"You know, Edward..." I hesitated.

"Yes, Bella?" His name sounded so forbidden on his tongue.

"Well, If you and Rosalie don-" The front door suddenly opened.

"There you two are. Come on, Edward! I want to dance," She whined. Her hair was up in a ponytail now and her make-up had been reapplied. My shoulders dropped. Edward nodded to her, handed me what was left of our cigarette and stood up. I watched him go, then stop just outside the door to look back at me.

"You're a sweet girl, Bella," He said. I forced a smile. He winked then stepped inside and closed the door. I looked to the burning cigarette and took another pull welcoming the burn. Sweet girl? I groaned inwardly. I did not want to be sweet, I wanted to be desirable. Edward was unattainable, I knew that, but I could not stop my longing. At least I still had my dreams.

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**What did you guys think?! Fabulous song which I am sure you all know: Jessie's Girl by Rick Springfield. SWOON 80's peeps. Anyway, will update soon and leave me your kind words.**

**xx**

**-S**


	4. Chapter 4

**In case the world ends tomorrow, here's an update! Haha :P**

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**Chapter 4:**

**Shopping **

It was two days before Christmas Eve and I was on my way to Breckenridge to meet Rosalie for a day of shopping. I very much disliked shopping, but not this sort of shopping. I liked buying things for other people. My dad enjoyed fishing so much, and Breckenridge had the perfect fish line store for me to get him a new pole. I had already gotten my mother an antique tea set, and Rosalie a new Coach purse.

It was nice to have money. I had more than I needed because I never spent any of it. I lived alone, so my utilities were cheap, my apartment was small, and I was taught to live below my means. I pulled into the parking spot at the the front of Fish Line and saw Rosalie's purple convertible next to me. Snow lined the streets shoved over by snow plows. There was always snow in Colorado at this tome of year. I turned my Volvo SUV engine off, and went Inside.

Rose was on the back wall looking at lures. I smiled. She would not know a thing about fishing had it not been for my father dragging us with him every chance he got. She had maroon colored knee high boots on over white jeans and a black blouse. Her blonde hair had recently been cut short. She kept it curled most days. I walked up to her just as she picked up a shiny lure.

"What about this one?" She asked. I shrugged.

"You know he has one already."

"Yeah, but it's old."

"What about a new tackle box?" I suggested.

"Perfect! No more bait smell." Rose scrunched her nose in disgust. Charlie's old tackle box barely closed anymore due to so much stuff, and smelt of terrible fish bait.

We walked to the other side of the store that had a wall full of tackle boxes.

"This one!" Rose cheered. I frowned.

"Rosie, It's pink."

"So?"

"So, he's a man!"

"Yeah, but a pink one would remind him of me!" I rolled my eyes. She set the box back down and went to a shiny red one. It opened up to four layers and the interior was tan.

"Yes," I said. Rose nodded with a wide smile on her face. She would spend Christmas with us this year. It had become a tradition since we were eighteen. One year her parents flew her to Barbados for the holiday and she hated it as much as I did. My parents missed her, too. That was the last time she ever went to see them. They usually came home for a month in January.

After a lot of debating, I decided on the newest fishing pole in the store. It was shiny red to match the new tackle box, too. We left the store with our gifts, put them away in our vehicles, then walked next door to Deborah's Grill. It was another tradition that we held every time we came to Breckenridge.

"You look nice today," Rose noted. I frowned and looked down to my appearance. I wore my favorite grey sweater with light skinny jeans and converse.

"Thanks?" I asked sarcastically.

"You're seeing someone!" Rose accused. I got that girly grin back immediately. It was the one that came on anytime I thought of Tyler. The waitress came to take our orders.

"I'll just have a water," I said to her. She was an older woman with jet black hair and dark skin.

"No, she will have a Bloody Mary," Rose corrected. I looked to her in surprise. "And I'll have one, too." The waitress nodded then asked for our ID's. We groaned and showed her our driver's license's. As soon as she was out of earshot, Rose turned back to me expectantly. I sighed.

"That guy I got matched with on datematch? Well... We've been talking. His name is Tyler and he's really sweet Rosalie."

"Oh. Are you going to meet him?"

"Uh, I don't know. We haven't really discussed that yet. Right now we're just enjoying getting to know one another."

"Hmm. Have you seen a picture?" I shook my head slowly. Rose's eyes went wide.

"Bella, he could be three hundred pounds and a piece of shit!"

"Oh, please," I scoffed. "I don't care what he looks like, and he is incredibly nice and thoughtful."

"Uh-uh. Just be careful, okay? And if you decide to meet, I'm going with you."

"No you're not," I told her sternly.

"I'll tell your mom."

"You wouldn't," I replied with narrow eyes. She didn't break.

"Fine. But you'll watch from afar."

"Deal." We smiled and our drinks arrived. It tasted heavenly.

"So, how is your dating life?" I asked.

"I ran into Emmett McCarty a few days ago at tennis," She said slowly.

"Wow. And how is he?"

"Great. Single, too." I raised my eyebrows and smiled seductively. She laughed.

"You're not good at seductive, Bella baby," She informed. My face fell.

"Whatever. So, are you going to see him again?"

"It was so weird running into him. I haven't seen him since that graduation party." My stomach churned.

"How strange. I was thinking about that party last night."

"Yeah? Me too. It was fun."

"Did Emmett ever talk to you that night?" I asked easily. Rosalie's cheeks went red.

"Yeah. He was sweet." She stumbled, and I wasn't sure why she was relenting. I knew I wasn't going to get much else out of her about it. As much as she loved outing her sex life, she had become much more quiet since her break-up with Edward. I knew why, and we didn't discuss it.

We had changed the subject to other mindless things. Rose tried to get me to tell her what I got her for Christmas. She tried that every year. Finally, it was beginning to get dark so we parted ways. She would come to my parents at eight on Christmas morning. When I got into my Volvo, my eyes glanced upward. There was a shop that was dimly lit above Fish Line. On the window there was painted writing that read, "Connie's Art." I frowned in curiosity and got out of my car. On my way up the stairs, I thought back to Tyler's emails. We decided to get each other a gift, and we would mail it. I had thought endlessly of what to get him and came up short each time.

As I opened the door to Connie's, a small bell rang above the door. There was an elderly woman with grey hair at the counter who looked up to me.

"Hello, dear," She said kindly. I smiled.

"Hi."

"Is there anything I can help you with?"

"No thanks. Just looking," I replied mindlessly. The woman nodded and looked back to her paperwork. The shop was old and smelt of cinnamon. Art adored the walls of all different kinds. It was all beautiful, mostly paint work, but nothing that struck me for Tyler.

I wandered towards the back. In a small room off to the left I saw a large crystal rock light on a small round table. I went through the beads that hung above the door and my eyes widened. Among the old walls were feathers inside of frames. As I got closer, pictures could be seen painted onto the feathers. I was amazed. I came to one with a brown frame. Most of the feathers were brown, too. On a long raven feather was the painted picture of a cowboy on a horse. He stood in the middle of a stream looking ahead of him to the mountains with a storm brewing. Off to the right, was a small cabin. My heart burned in admiration. I quickly took my phone out to look at an email Tyler sent me last last night. I had asked him what one of his lifelong dreams were.

.

.

_Marie,_

_Lifelong dream? Shit, this will be embarrassing, and something I have never told anyone. _

_Growing up, I always wanted to be a cowboy. Silly right? I wanted a cabin in the woods with horses and cattle._

_I feel all right telling you this. I know it hasn't been long, and maybe not long enough to tell you this, but you have made my days brighter, Marie. I look forward to talking with you as the highlight of my days._

_-Tyler_

_Sent Dec 22, 2012 at 12:04 am_

.

.

It was one of my most favorite emails from him. I didn't hesitate a moment longer after putting my phone away. I took the picture off of the wall carefully and went back to the elderly woman.

"Found something?" She asked brightly. I nodded. Her voice was gravely and her eyes were bright green.

"These painted feathers are amazing," I told her.

"Thank you, dear," She said.

"You're Connie?" I asked. She nodded.

"You're very talented," I told her.

"That is kind of you." She took the frame and stepped to the cash register.

"Do you get much sale here?" I asked.

"I have had the business for a couple of years, but just now got into this shop. It seems less traffic come here than downtown." She laughed softly. "My late husband talked me into selling them. I had always wanted to, but never felt good enough to do so." I thought for a moment about her story.

"That will be eighty-five even," She announced. I dug through my wallet as she wrapped the picture in tissue paper.

"You know," I began, "My name is Bella Swan and I own an art gallery in Colorado Springs. I would be honored if you would let me show some of your work. My gallery is very centrally located. I get a lot of traffic."

"Oh, my," She said as I handed her my business card. She looked it over carefully. "I would be honored," She replied quietly.

"Great!" I announced. "Why don't you come down after the first. Any day of the week is fine, and we can get started. I have a great feeling about this." I handed her the money and smiled deeply to her. I could see her heart was good and beautiful. A woman who can make such beautiful art had a special meaning for me.

"Thank you, Bella."

"My pleasure, Connie. I'll see you soon."

"Merry Christmas," She said as I reached the door to leave.

"Merry Christmas to you," I replied smiling. I left the shop happy and excited for what was to come of my gift, and my new client.

* * *

**I plan to update every to every other day until this Drabble has run it's course :) So glad you all loved Jessie's Girl! With Christmas coming, I still won't forget to update and will as soon as I am able. No worries and thank you all for the reviews, favorites and alerts! If you have read my other stuff, you may recognize the painted feather... ;) They do exist, and I have one myself!**


	5. Chapter 5

**For those of you who have read Diamonds or The Letters etc, I want to apologize for their rushed endings. It is something I am working on as an author! One of those things you're just not very good at, but want to be? Hang in there with me, I will overcome it! xx**

* * *

**Chapter 5:**

**Storm**

The drive home from Breckenridge was always longer than I liked it to be. I got a late start, so it was already dark outside and had started to snow profusely. I was thankful for my Volvo being AWD and that I had recently purchased weather tires for the winter.

I could not help my fear, however. The roads were covered and I had not passed another car in miles. The mountain pass was dark. I had the radio on for news, and the storm was only going to get worse. I kept my speed at 10mph respectively due to sheets of snow that were slick. The temperature outside was 28 and dropping.

I began praying in my head over and over to get home safely. I hated driving at night, and even more so in a snow storm. I turned the radio up when I heard the announcer say Breckenridge. I listened intently.

"Mountain pass down from Breckenridge is unattainable due to a mild avalanche covering the road. Find shelter. This storm is only going to get worse and could last days."

My insides froze and burned with fear. There was no way I was going to be able to drive back up the pass without some sort of catastrophe. We knew there was going to be snow tonight, but nothing to this decree. I searched for any other signs of light as I continued to drive downward.

I gripped the steering wheel harder to stop my shaking hands. I was hunched over trying to see through the thick snow flakes flying at my window. My windshield wipers did not help me much. My tires slid slightly. I gasped and let off the gas. Suddenly, through the thick fog of snow I could see a porch light on.

As nervous as I was to stop, I was more nervous to keep going. I slowly turned the wheel to start down a long driveway. I stopped halfway down and took out my cell phone. I wanted to let my parents know where I was at least. No cellular service. I sighed and threw my phone onto the passenger seat. I looked up to the cabin set back against the mountain.

It was lit up, but not by any Christmas lights. I could see a truck in the driveway. I started driving forward again and prayed that it was at least a married couple instead of just a man. I parked behind the black truck that had snow stacked half way up the tires already. I zipped my jacket, got out, and ran to the porch.

As soon as I hit the deck after three stairs, my shoe slipped on ice. My leg flew out before me and I landed hard on my back. My shirt raised and freezing snow met my skin. I slid forward until my foot hit the door. I groaned in pain. My back burned and I pulled a muscle in my leg. One of my shoes had come off as well.

The door flew open in front of me. The dim light behind the figure blacked his face out. I gasped and tried to stand but my hand slipped. My back hit the deck again. Long arms reached down and went underneath my arms pulling me upward. I gasped in pain as my leg went straight and my sweater and jacket went back down over my exposed skin. I hobbled inside the house without my missing shoe and was helped to a chair. I looked to the man behind me who let go of my arms as I sat down. Shock took over all pain I had felt moments before.

"Edward?" I blurted. He looked down to me with wide eyes. His hair was still the bronze color of copper and as wild as it had been five years ago. He wore a thick green sweater, jeans, and no shoes, just thick wool socks.

"Bella," He said. "What are you doing here?" I broke away from my surprised stupor and pain returned.

"The storm got too bad," I breathed. "The radio said to take shelter. I saw your porch light."

"Are you all right?" He asked. I arched forward and gasped again.

"I'm fine," I lied. "Just a pulled muscle. Do you have a working phone?"

"Just my cell, and there isn't any service. No Internet either because if the storm."

"Oh, great," I sighed. He ran a hand through his hair and went to fire than burned brightly. It was warm. The cabin was decorated with wood and pastel earthy colors. It smelt of cedar and apple cinnamon. I noticed the candle on the coffee table. Edward added another log to the fire.

"You can stay overnight here," He suggested quietly.

"No, no. I don't want to put you out. I can sleep in my car." He gave me a puzzled look.

"That's a waste of gas that you'll need to drive home," He stated plainly. I hadn't thought of that. I frowned. "I have a spare bedroom."

"Okay," I whispered. "Thank you."

"Is there anything from you car I can get? There is a bathroom down the hall on the right so you can clean up." I looked down to my wet clothes and shivered slightly.

"Um, I have a small purse. That's it." Edward nodded and went to the door. He slipped on some boots and went outside. I sighed heavily. Of all the places, why his?

I got up and went in search of the bathroom. It was right where he said it was. I closed the door and took my jacket off. My sweater was wet and had snow caked into the back of it. I lifted the shirt to expose my back. The mirror in front of me was full length. I twisted my torso to see my back. Red scrapes skin went from my tail bone up to my shoulder blades. I flinched as my cold hand touched the burning flesh there. Suddenly, a knock came to the door. I ripped my shirt down and winced.

"Come in," I said. The door opened hesitantly and Edward poked his head in.

"Do you need anything? There is first aid under the sink and that towel is fresh. You have ice in you hair," He noted. I looked back to my reflection. Ice stuck in my long stands clumping it all together. I huffed in annoyance.

"I really appreciate this," I told him.

"Better than sleeping in your car," He said dryly. I knew it was a joke, but I had to force my laugh through my annoyed state. I leaned down to open the cabinets beneath to sink.

"Shit, Bella." I turned to look at him in surprise.

"Your back," He furthered. "It looks bad." My shirt had raised as I bent down. I rolled my eyes.

"Oh. It's fine, really."

"Get the hydrogen peroxide," He said. I saw the bottle in the back and reached for it as Edward came into the bathroom fully. He grabbed cotton balls from the jar by the sink head.

"Take your sweater off." My cheeks went red.

"It's fine, really," I argued. Edward stared at me in disbelief. He reached for the back of my shirt and pulled it upward. I gasped.

"Okay, okay!" I cried. I turned around and took a deep breath. I cursed myself harshly. Of all the days to slip and fall, of all the days I chose not to wear a bra. I slowly removed my sweater. It was awkward as one of my hands was trying to cover my small breasts. I finally got it off and dropped it to the floor. Edward made a painful hiss noise and he looked at my wound. He took my elbow and walked us backward to the mirror. I stared at my back with my mouth agape. It was already beginning to bruise. The iced over wood scraped my back open. Blood oozed from the wounds lightly. It was the scrape up my spine that hurt the worse.

I covered myself as much as possible as Edward prepared a cotton ball. I took another deep breath.

"Ready?" He asked. I bit my lip and nodded. The wet cotton ball burned as much as it soothed. Edward was careful and blew air on the wounds each time he started a new cotton ball. It was agonizing and embarrassing, but was over quicker than it felt. Edward put everything away, and messed with the shower head as I grabbed the spare towel on the rack to cover my pale chest.

"I switched the shower nozzle to a light setting. It won't hurt your back too bad. I'll get some clothes for you, too. They'll be big, but-"

"Thank you," I blurted. "This is so embarrassing." Edward smirked and chuckled for the first time tonight. He left me to myself and for that I was grateful. My bearings needed to be grabbed ahold of once again.

I showered and thought of my predicament. My mind instantly floated to Tyler and how I wouldn't be able to talk to him while my cell service was out. I grew sad, but put on a fake face as I dressed in Edward's gray sweats and large gray sweatshirt. I brushed my hair with my fingers and let it fall to air dry.

When I came into to the living room Edward was back by the fire. He looked over to me and laughed.

"They're big," I teased.

"Obviously," He replied smiling. I sat down on the couch and noticed a pink sweater. I picked it up.

"Is your wife," I stumbled unable to finish. Edward stood up and took the small sweater as I handed it to him. He set it on the chair and sat down with a beer.

"No wife. No girl in that sense either thank God." I frowned in curiosity.

"With your reputation?" I joked.

"Ha, ha," He replied. "Old reputation," He clarified.

"Ah," I said. He smirked again. I folded my legs up beneath me. Edward got up and went to the kitchen finishing his beer.

"Want one?" He asked.

"Please." He came back with two beers. I sipped it lazily and leaned back on the couch. I looked around his home again and noticed some Robert Kinkade mixed with other mildly unknown artists pictures that hung on the walls. I smiled.

"You have lovely art," I admitted.

"I like them," He added. "What have you been up to in the last five years?" I looked back to his golden eyes.

"I have an art gallery."

"Oh?"

"Yes. One of many in the city, I know. But I do fairly well."

"Good for you."

"What do you do?"

"A lot of different things, mostly." Suddenly a dog barked. Edward jumped from his seat and went to the back door. A large fluffy dog bounded inside. It ran straight to me and jumped up in my lap.

"Unf! Whoa," I said breathless. The dog licked my face sloppily.

"O'Ryan, down," Edward ordered. The dog obeyed him immediately and went to his good dish. I laughed.

"He's huge."

"He's an ass," Edward added. The dog finished his food and went to lay in front of the fire. His long white and gray hair spread over the rug. I drank my beer quietly. It felt like there was some large unseen elephant in the room between us. In a way, I still hated him for breaking Rosalie's heart and leaving her in her time of need, but I couldn't show that. I needed a place to stay for the night.

The storm could still be heard blowing through loudly outside. It was passed ten and we decided to go to sleep. Edward showed me to my room upstairs and grabbed another blanket from the closet. I thanked him, and just before he exited the room, he turned to me.

"So, how's Rosalie?" He asked.

"Fine. She's fine," I replied nonchalantly. I didn't look up to meet his eyes.

"She have the-"

"No. She miscarried," I replied through gritted teeth. He nodded briskly then left the room. Anger began to bubble inside me. I laid in the bed and turned my iPhone on.

"One bar!" I whispered to myself excitedly. I stayed perfectly still and opened a new text message to Rosalie.

_Staying at a hotel until the storm passes. Bad cell service, but I'm okay. Tell my parents? Love you. -B_

At least she would know that I'm safe. She didn't have to know who I was stuck with. It would only upset we further. I quickly went to my email and saw two messages from Tyler.

.

.

_Marie,_

_I hope shopping was fun. The storm is pretty bad. Be careful._

_Love,_

_Tyler_

_Sent Dec 22, 2012 at 6:38 pm_

.

.

_Marie,_

_I have a feeling that I'll be snowed in. My Internet service is bad, too. I hope I don't loose power. Be safe and I'll email you as soon and often as the storm lets me!_

_Love,_

_Tyler_

_Sent Dec 22, 2012 at 10:03 pm_

.

.

My heart swelled and I re-read his emails a few times before typing my reply.

.

.

_Tyler,_

_I stopped to wait the storm out. I'm safe, I promise. Bad cell service so I will also email as soon as I can. Keep warm!_

_xo_

_Love,_

_Marie_

_Sent Dec 22, 2012 at 10:48 pm_

.

.

I debated on hugs and kisses for over a minute before I finally hit send. The fact that he put, "love" at the end of his emails told me a lot. I knew I was getting closer to him. The thought of caring so much for someone you had never before met in person didn't bother me as much as it once did. He made me happy regardless of the distant details.

* * *

**Oh, snap! She's stuck at Edward's... Thoughts? :P**

**He even asked about Rosalie!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Can you believe Christmas is in three days?! Nuts...**

* * *

**Chapter 6:**

**True or False**

The next morning I was up over an hour before Edward. I made coffee and toast quietly. The storm was still upon us unfortunately. My car was buried in snow, so there was no leaving today. My cell service was back out, too. It was depressing to say the least.

By the time Edward did finally get up after ten in the morning, he spent most of the day outside with his dog. He chopped wood on the porch under what little cover it offered. He came inside a couple of times to get warm. I made him got chocolate once then did what little dishes he had in the sink. I felt like a burden, and the feeling was beginning to sink in. I thought about paying him for letting me stay, but I figured he would take offense in some way.

So I kept to myself like he did. I played games or read books on my phone mostly. My back was still sore but the scrapes had closed up. Most of it was just a large bruise now. By nightfall, Edward had come inside for the night. He was still just as mysterious now as he had been five years ago. I wished I could figure him out.

Maybe if we had something in common, or enjoyed talking, it wouldn't be quite so awkward. We had hamburgers for dinner. We tried small talk but it usually ended as soon as it started. Opening his fridge, I noticed that we only had one beer left. I groaned. I was counting on alcohol to get me through this horrid predicament.

"This is the last of the beer," I whined. Edward laughed at me and pointed to a cabinet above his stove. I walked over and opened it.

"Wow," I breathed. "What a collection." There were three bottles of whiskey, two bottles of Vodka, and one large wine bottle. My annoyance left me immediately.

"Pick your poison," Edward offered. At least he was polite, I thought. I grabbed the vodka and then the orange juice from the refrigerator.

"Want one?" I asked. Edward nodded. I made two screw drivers that we finished quickly as we cleaned the kitchen.

After a few vodka shots and two more screwdrivers, I was beginning to like Edward Cullen. He was pretty funny, too, once he started to loosen up. We played Scrabble poorly for a while before giving up when we couldn't remember how to properly spell. My sides hurt from laughter. I sat on the floor with my back leaning against the couch. Edward was across from me against the chair. Our feet were almost touching. I listened to old stories of his days in high school laughing hysterically.

"I can't believe this," I laughed.

"What?"

"The odds of you living here and me finding it." Edward laughed now, too.

"You haven't changed a bit," He said. I stopped laughing and frowned.

"Fuck, I hope I have," I argued.

"You're still sweet and innocent Bella," He continued. "But you did just say fuck."

"Ha, ha," I replied sarcastically.

"Oh, come on. I'm sure I haven't changed either."

"True. You're still arrogant," I replied crisply. Edward laughed harder. Suddenly, the radio broadcast we had playing went to static. The lights above us flickered. More bouts of wind could be heard from outside crashing against the house. The lights went off and the house fell silent. The fire was illuminating his living room.

"Hold on," He said. "I'll get candles and a lantern."

I curled up in his throw blanket and watched the fire crackle. No power and no radio reception meant the storm was still getting worse. Tomorrow was Christmas Eve. I had things to do. I couldn't still be stuck here with Edward.

He returned with two large candles and an LED lantern. He sat back down and took another shot. He handed one to me. I took it down quickly.

"The storm is worse," He said quietly.

"It's getting scary," I admitted sheepishly.

"We're safe here," He assured. "I'm sorry if I offended you."

I shrugged. "It's just that, I have changed. And what's wrong with innocent? Better than being a slut."

"True. But some may mistake it as prude."

"Someone like you?" I asked accusingly. Edward paused.

"I have no opinion of you," He replied.

"That's bull."

"I know you must have one of me, though," He furthered. I bit my lip and shrugged again.

"Oh, come on. Tell me. I would like to have the opportunity to correct you."

"Fine, but you have to tell me your opinion of me first," I stated firmly.

"Fair enough." He took another shot and leaned back against the chair again. His copper hair shined from the fire light.

"I think you're afraid of love, sex, and relationships. It is your innocence that holds you back. You're afraid to experience the hurt that may come along with it," He told me. I took a moment to process his words through my fuzzy mind. It hurt me that he thought that, but not because it wasn't true. It was true, and he could see right through me. I felt exposed, ready to be easily wounded by the world.

"Now you," He urged. I sighed and sat up.

"You sleep around searching for something you know you'll never find in the women you choose. And you hide from responsibility."

"Responsibility?" He scoffed.

"Yeah. You're holed up in this house with a dog. No friends from what I can tell. No Christmas decorations..."

"I like things the way they are. I have my own system. If I wasn't responsible, I would not have a place to live at all."

"I didn't mean responsible in that way," I whispered. Realization came over his chiseled face.

"Ah, Rosalie," He said. "Well how could you blame me?" He scoffed. My eyes went wide and my stomach began that angry boiling again.

"You are all to blame!" I spat. "You left your girlfriend because you knocked her up! Is that your MO? Fuck them, then leave them once they're full of your children?!" I was sitting up straight and yelling at him.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, Bella. What are you talking about?"

"You're kidding, right?" I said laughing. Edward frowned.

"What the fuck did she tell you?" He fumed.

"The truth," I said.

"Far from it," He countered. We stared at each other for a while intently through alcohol fused anger and past hurt. Neither of us would break. O'Ryan's sudden loud snoring broke our contact and I sat back defeated. Edward stood up, grabbed the rest of the vodka, and started to walk away. He whistled and O'Ryan got up to follow him.

I heard his bedroom door shut with a slam and threw my head in my hands. I had just made my shitty situation even shittier. I wanted to leave, drive away and never look back. My car would no doubt be entirely buried in snow tomorrow. I wanted my parents, Rosalie, and I wanted Tyler. I slowly got up from the floor and laid down on the couch. I cocooned myself in the throw blanket and let the tired effects alcohol overwhelm me. I could not, however, prevent my dreams of the past.

**Five years earlier**

I was driving entirely too fast on my way to Rosalie's house. My tires slid on the wet roads from the summer rain. Rose called me in hysterics, but gave no information as to why. I knew that her parents had just left again, so maybe they said something to upset her. As tough as my best friend appeared she was easily breakable.

Her house finally came into my view. I skid into the driveway and noticed Edward's black car. I parked behind him and got out. As soon as I made it to the porch, Edward came out through the front door hastily. He looked to me with angry eyes. He was defeated and tired and then looked to the ground before stalking past me. Suddenly, he stopped and turned back to me. I frowned in confusion. He opened his mouth to speak, but stopped. I wanted to stop him. I wanted to go to him. He drove away quickly. I stood there empty before I remembered my best friend. I braced myself for Rosalie, but was dreading what was to come. If they broke up, how was I ever going to see him again?

Rosalie was curled up on her bed in a towel, fresh from a shower. I frowned and stepped inside.

"Rosie," I cooed. Her head popped up to look at me. I sat down next to her and saw her red rimmed eyes.

"What is it?" I asked softy.

"I'm pregnant," She replied instantly. She threw her head back down onto her pillow in shame. My insides twisted.

I was in shock and I was jealous. She got to have sex with Edward. I shoved all that away.

"Edward," I began.

"Left me!" She interrupted. "He said it wasn't his." Something within my little world shifted and I felt hatred for the first time. It was a powerful and dark feeling. Anything good I had ever thought about Edward Cullen had instantly vanished.

"That bastard," I said through clenched teeth. I got off the bed.

"No, Bella!" She called. "Let it be."

"Rosalie, you cannot do this on your own," I fumed.

"I know, but I have to. Please don't leave." I took a deep and steadying breath before I went and laid down next to her. I held her and we cried together for the unknown. After that night, Rosalie came to live with me full time.

How could a man be so selfish? Not only did he leave Rosalie alone in this, but he left his child, too. I would never forgive him. He hurt my best friend. I wanted to understand how he could.

One month later, Rosalie miscarried. She was distraught for a long time, and stayed close with me and my parents. It was the first time I had never seen my mother not be judgmental towards someone that made a mistake in her eyes. She took care of her like a mother would. A year later Rose started to date again. Something woke up within her and she became the same Rosalie she always was. I was grateful for that, but I knew she still hurt deep down over the loss.

I still thought of Edward from time to time. Most days I wanted to kill him. Other days, I found myself longing for him again. Over time, anger diminished and I was left with nothing and no feelings toward him in any way.

**Present**

I woke from my dream in a cold sweat. I was panting hard and it was dark. We're my eyes open at all? I laid back down in defeat. The fire simmered, reminding me of my location. My heart had broken that day because of Edward and his actions. He was wanted then refused in such a short amount of time. How was he going to lie to me about my best friend lying? Did I even want to know the truth?

Deep down, I knew that Edward deserved to have his side known. I should not have judged him. I should not have ever voiced my opinion. I hurt over the fact that he still saw me as some little innocent person... As someone no one would want, least of all him. I realized suddenly for Rosalie, for Edward, and for myself, you never really can fix a heart.

* * *

**Have you guys seen the banner for this story?! Mist is phenomenal!**

**Okay, so what do you guys think happened?! Almost 100 follows on this little story, thank you! Looks like Bella has been wrong over the past 5 years, eh? Leave me thoughts ;)**


	7. Chapter 7

**Merry Christmas Eve, you guys! xx**

* * *

**Chapter 7:**

**Idiot**

It was morning but you could not tell. The sun was still hidden away behind the storm securely. My hope was beginning to fade. I felt like I would be stuck in this house forever. The saddest thing for me was that I had not been able to talk to Tyler since the night before last.

I rolled over on the couch stiffly and reached for my phone. It was almost dead, but at least the power had returned... For now. I quickly got up and went to the guest room. It was quiet upstairs with no sign of Edward. It did not upset me. I figured he was still furious from the night before, and I wasn't quite sure how I was going to fix it all yet.

I plugged my phone in and groaned angrily when it still showed no service. Although, I did finally notice the date. My heart dropped even lower. It was Christmas Eve. As soon as I went to the home screen, I noticed that I had gotten a new email over night when I had service for a split second or so. My face brightened.

.

.

_Dearest Marie,_

_I hope you are safe in the storm. I am helping someone who was stuck in it. My power has been going on and off all night. I haven't been sleeping well, but you have been on my mind so much._

_xx_

_-Tyler_

_Sent Dec 24, 2012 at 3:27 am_

_._

_._

He has been helping someone? Maybe he was like my dad who went out in the storms and helped drivers out of ditches. My heart swelled at his kisses. I would let my phone charge for a bit, then keep it on me until I came into some cell service again. My full bladder broke me from my reverie and I sulked down to the bathroom.

Just as I came to the door, it opened in front of me. Edward stood awkwardly with just a towel around his waste. My eyes went wide and my cheeks went red. His chest glistened with beads of water. Dark hair went from the top down until it disappeared under his towel. Thin fabric was the only thing hiding his cock from me. Butterflies began to flutter around in my stomach furiously. I swallowed hard. His Celtic cross on his bicep was fully visible and very detailed. Seeing him bare, I could see two more tattoos that lined his chest. One was a psalm that I could not remember that went up his rib cage, and the other was a date. 3-27-2006 just below his collar bone. He suddenly noticed where my eyes were staring and shifted on his feet. We stood there longer than was necessary.

"Sorry," I blurted. He frowned. "For last night," I finished. His face softened.

"Me too."

"I shouldn't have judged you. It's just, Rosalie is like my sister and I-"

"Bella," He said, stopping me with a raised hand, "I understand." I nodded slowly and forced my eyes to stay on his instead of drifting back down to his naked chest. He was unbelievably attractive, and I hated admitting that to myself. I couldn't care for him like that. I wouldn't.

We both chuckled awkwardly and I stepped back to let Edward out of the bathroom. He smiled and went up to his room. Sweat that I had not noticed until now was beaded on my neck. I shut the bathroom door and went straight to the sink. I brushed my teeth with my finger, washed my face, and braided my long hair out of the way. I tried with everything I had to stop picturing Edward naked.

My clothes had been washed and I was thankful for something that fit me. They smelt like Edward, too. I shook my head and came out of the bathroom. O'Ryan ran over to me happily and jumped up. I laughed as the fury dog lapped at my face sloppily. He was the sweetest large dog I had ever known.

He made me remember Fatty and how glad I was to have given him a very large dish of water and food before going shopping. Cats take care of themselves generally.

"O'Ryan," Edward scorned, "Down." The dog obeyed immediately.

"I'll be outside doing wood," Edward said. I nodded.

"I was wondering," I began hesitantly, "Would you mind if I decorated a bit? I mean, Christmas is tomorrow and I-"

"Sure. There are some boxes down the hall upstairs in the closet. Help yourself."

I smiled and he went out to the porch with his dog. I needed to find a way to cheer the guy up if I was going to be spending Christmas with him.

After grabbing my phone I walked aimlessly around the house until finally, a service bar popped up. I took the advantage as fast as I could and started tying a text to Rosalie.

.

.

_The storm is still so bad. Looks like I'll miss Christmas but I am okay. I love you and I'll see you soon. Tell my parents! xx -B_

.

.

The service bar disappeared as soon as the text had sent. At least I was able to let Rose know that I was all right, and I went back to my previous task of decorating.

I was almost to the hall closet at the end when I passed Edward's room. His door was cracked and I couldn't help myself. I peered over the banister to see that he was still outside and snuck in his room quietly. It was neat but cold.

His bed was made and nothing was on the floor that didn't already belong there. I wandered over to his dresser.

Loose change, his wallet and a wrist watch was on the old wooden dresser. I smiled at a picture of him with a little girl. She must be his niece or something. Her hair was short and light brown. He looked happy in the picture. Looking down, I noticed one of his dresser drawers open a little. Very slowly, I opened it the rest of the way.

My eyes bugged out of my head and I gasped slightly. I studied the things inside like it was a puzzle that I was trying to sort out. There was a black leather whip rolled up, a gag ball with straps, a blindfold, and some small golden balls. I was just as curious as I was afraid.

I knew what these things were for, but I knew nothing about the lifestyle. It frightened me to think of Edward whipping some girl. I shivered and closed the drawer. The items called to me loudly as I hid them away. I shook my head and went back to the hall.

Late evening came and I had finally finished decorating. I took my time and sang Christmas songs to myself to help lighten my own mood. Truthfully, it was done more to distract myself from own thoughts. If they wandered too far away from me, I usually got into trouble. Just then, Edward came back inside. He looked cold and tired.

"Fuck this storm," He grunted. He kicked his boots off and hung his wet coat up on the rack.

"I feel like it will never pass," I said. Edward sighed and came into the living room.

"Wow," He stated in surprise as he looked around the room. I had put up his small fake tree and decorated it accordingly. Garland lined the banister and the fire place mantle with gold tinsel entwined.

"Is it too much?" I asked worriedly.

"No, no. I like it. Very festive," He said assuringly. My shoulders eased.

"I made spaghetti for dinner," I said.

"Sounds good," He replied. "I'll change clothes and be down in a second." I watched as he jogged upstairs and went to the kitchen. Fear bubbled in my stomach. Would he be able to tell that I had been in there?

I dished two bowls and set them on the counter before taking my seat on the bar stool. Edward came down in a loose navy blue sweater and grey sweatpants. I ushered the butterflies in my stomach away as hard as I could. It helped to just turn away from him. Like I said, he is too attractive for even his own good.

"Wine?" He asked.

"Please." Edward poured two glasses and set them before us. He settled in on the stool next to me and began eating hungrily.

"Really good," He complimented between chews.

I chuckled, "Good."

We finished eating in silence. I cleared my bowl and finished my wine against the counter as Edward looked at me curiously.

"What?" I asked.

"Are you seeing anyone?" He asked. I frowned.

"That's random. Um... Yes. No?" I shook my head. "Sort of." He nodded and continued to study my face.

"You?" I asked. He smiled and looked away. "That means yes," I told him kindly.

"It's pretty lame," He replied with a laugh.

"Nah. It isn't." My heart twisted painfully for reasons unknown. I shoved it all away along with the butterflies.

"Tell me," I encouraged. He sighed and got up. I scooted over from the sink as he rinsed his bowel out. I waited patiently as he poured two more glasses of wine. I grabbed mine quicker than a speeding bullet, desperate. Edward stood next to me closely. I could feel the heat of his body come over mine. My mouth went dry. More white wine went down my throat.

"I met someone online actually. It had been so long since I had been with anyone I even remotely liked in real life, so I created one of those fucking dating profiles," He said laughing. My heart stopped beating.

"And you met someone?" I asked in a whisper. He nodded.

"She is different... And I like her very much. She works at an art gallery and lives in the Springs."

"Who?" I asked painfully.

"Her name is M-"

"Marie," I finished. Edward looked to me in surprise.

"Yeah, good guess."

"Edward," I started slowly. "It wasn't a guess." Realization took a moment to dawn on him, but once it did, he stepped away from me slowly.

"Oh, my God," I breathed. My hand went to my mouth in horror. "No, no, no."

"What the fuck," He said angrily as he waved a hand in the air. "It's you?"

"Tyler?" I asked. Edward nodded and breathed in deeply through his nose.

"How?" He asked. I shrugged.

"I can't believe any of this... But some how I knew," I admitted truthfully. I set my glass down, grabbed the wine bottle, and went to the living room. I allowed the agony to take its course as I plopped down before the fire. I chugged the wine every silent minute that passed.

Edward finally came into the living room. He sat down beside me and crossed his legs. I didn't turn to face him as I stared into the flames of the crackling fire. I heard a lighter ignite and that got my attention. Edward puffed on a cigarette. He extended his hand for me to take it. I did without question. It burned a familiar burn. I hand it back to him.

"Edward, what the fuck do we do now?"

"I have no idea," He answered with a shrug.

"You hate me," I whispered.

"I do?" He scoffed.

"Sure. To you, I'm some little innocent stuck up girl that judged you. And to me, you're the guy that broke my best friend and left her because she became pregnant."

"That isn't why I left her," He said through gritted teeth. I didn't want to make him angry again, so I relented.

"Fine, then tell me what happened," I offered. He puffed his cigarette and sighed again.

"It wasn't my baby." My brain went into overdrive. I started to laugh. I laughed hard.

"Rosalie is not a cheater," I replied. "That's the best you can do?" Laughing, my sides began to hurt. I twisted my body until I was sitting facing him. Edward waited until my hysterics stopped.

"Yeah, well she did," He continued.

"How can you say that?" I asked.

"Because I never had sex with her," He countered. My eyes grew wide and I frowned.

"Sure you did," I said. "She would tell me all about it all the fucking time." He laughed now.

"Well it sure as hell wasn't me she was telling you about, she just used my name."

"There is no way you can prove that," I argued. My mind whipped back to my sneaking around earlier today. If he had slept with Rosalie, he would have used one of his toys, right?

"It may be my word against hers but I bet she told you about some passionate love making, yeah?" He questioned. I nodded absently.

"Not my thing," He informed sternly.

"Emmett," I blurted in a whisper. It dawned on me that this was all my fault. Tears pricked my eyes painfully. I downed more wine.

"Sure. She brought me over to tell me she was pregnant and that she was too afraid to tell the real guy. She cheated on me, so I left."

"It was my fault," I said. Edward raised an eyebrow in confusion.

"I told Emmett to go for it. To pursue her even though she was dating you," I whispered in shame, remembering that party years before.

"All water under the bridge. Her and I weren't going to make it anyway. She wasn't my type."

"Beautiful and perfect isn't your type?" I scoffed in disbelief.

"No, it isn't."

"So how do you think that Marie is?"

"You mean you?" He corrected. I shrugged.

"None of that matters now," He replied quietly. He looked away. Anger took over my brain and body like a thick poison.

"Why, because you found out it was me?" I yelled. He flinched, but didn't cower as he threw his cigarette into the fire place. He finally shrugged and looked back to me.

I fumed. "What the fuck is so wrong with me, Edward?"

"Nothing!" He yelled back. I cowered of course. The tears were no longer controllable as they spilled over my cheeks. I wiped them away angrily, took down more wine, and stood up before him. I wanted to say something perfect that would hurt him as he had hurt me. My mind floated through all of my sweet conversations with Tyler... With Edward. Where was he now? Was it a sham? I fell for it, for him, hook line and sinker, no questions asked. I was an idiot.

* * *

**The truth is out! Any thoughts?**


	8. Chapter 8

**Because it is Christmas after all... :)**

* * *

**Chapter 8:**

**Dark Desires**

My mind was in a whirl of mixed emotions and thoughts. Which was true? My best friend lied to me. The man that had started to conceal my heart was false. He sat before me a lie. Sadly, I had become a lie, too. What was left? I decided to let anger take control simply because she was stronger and it made things easier to hate.

"I'm just no good," He whispered.

"Yeah, apparently neither am I."

"I'm sor-"

"Don't," I interrupted quickly, standing up. "I don't want your pathetic apologies. I'm the sorry person here. Sorry that I'm not the one, and Marie is. I'm sorry that I fucked things for you and my best friend. And I am sorry that I was just so fucking repulsive to you then and now."

I set the wine bottle down on the coffee table and walked away. Tears flowed freely now as I trumped up the stairs. I hid my whimpers and wiped my face as fast as I could.

Just before I made it to the guest bedroom door, I felt a hand grip my upper arm firmly. I spun around, tears streaming and heart breaking as golden eyes burned through mine. He didn't speak, and he didn't let go of my arm. His grip began to hurt, but I didn't mind it. I wanted any physical pain I could find over the agony I felt within.

I held his gaze as strongly as I could, but I was going to falter soon. I was too weak. Our faces were so close together. My harsh breathing matched his as our breaths mingled together with each exhale.

"What?" I whispered to him in pain.

"You're not repulsive," He replied in a hoarse whisper of his own. I broke eye contact and bowed my head to cry some more. Edward took hold of my other arm to steady me.

"Just let me be," I asked. I felt his grip tighten.

"I need your permission," He asked softly. I looked up to him again.

"For what?" I choked. He shook his head slowly.

"For everything." His words made no sense, but I didn't take time to try and sort through them. His gold eyes went dark with what, desire? Hatred?

"Yes," I answered as forcefully as I could muster. "For everything, you have my permission." His brow furrowed in pain.

I parted my lips to speak again, but he stopped me with his mouth.

The entire world that I had come to know changed instantly within that moment. My world racked off kilter as his soft lips pressed against mine. The force could stop the earth from turning. I opened my mouth to him. I didn't know what I was doing, but I didn't worry nor care. I knew he would take over to lead me, and he did. His tongue hit mine like a match to gasoline. He tasted of nicotine and the salty tears that lined my face. The explosion in my mouth overwhelmed me. My brain went dim, my legs went weak, and my heart disappeared.

Edward shoved me against the wooden wall. My spine popped from the force. It didn't hurt. My hands gripped his hair tightly as we devoured each other's mouths. His hands leg go of my arms and went to my wrists. He pulled them high above my head and pinned them to the wall. Something foreign ignited between my legs. I clamped them shut in pain. His kiss was hot with fever. I knew what was going to happen through this. Did I want it? Yes. Was I ready to loose my virginity? Yes. No. My argument stopped and so did my mouth.

Edward took his lips away from my mouth and pressed his forehead to mine. We waited for our breathing to slow. He lowered my hands and let go of them. Slowly, he took a step away from me. I wanted to reach for him, but I was too weak.

"I'm sorry," I finally whispered. "I'm just nervous and inexperienced." Edward smiled kindly.

"I know."

"But I want to, I just need to know some things." He crossed his arms and thought for a moment.

"Come back down stairs. I need to tend the fire and we can talk." I nodded slowly, fixed my twisted clothes, and followed him down the stairs. I took my seat by the fire and watched as he added a log and stoked the burning embers. I knew for certain that my beating heart was as hot as they were.

Edward sat back across from me and grabbed the wine bottle I had left alone earlier. Everything felt different now since we had kissed. I saw him in a different light. He wanted me too, and my heart couldn't deny it's joy. I saw his pack of Camel Lights beside him on the floor and reached for one. I made no plans to start smoking, but I needed this for courage and for something to keep my mind straight. Any alcohol would only further my wrecked nerves.

"Why now?" I began. Edward smirked.

"Why not?" He countered. I shrugged.

"Well then why did you act as if you didn't like me?" I asked sadly.

"It was easier that way," He explained lightly.

"Why are you afraid?"

"Why are you?" He countered again. I smoked the cigarette and thought.

"You first." He sighed and relented.

"I don't want to taint your beautiful innocence. I have a a lot of shit in my life that I am going to have to get back to once this storm ends."

"Oh," Was all I could come up with.

"Your turn," He furthered. I took another drag and ashed the burning cigarette in the fire.

"You are my best friend's ex. I cannot imagine what this would do to her."

"She lied to you," He argued.

"Yes, I know, but I promised to never speak of her miscarriage again. I'm so mad at her, but I don't want to hurt her just because she hurt me."

"That's it? You're just afraid of her?"

"No, not only. I'm also afraid because I waited so long to find the right person. I don't and will not just give myself to anyone."

"You're religious," He stated instead of asked.

"Yes, but that isn't the only reason I waited, Edward. I was afraid. I am afraid. I don't know how any of it works. When I had sex, it would be with the person I would have sex with for the rest of my life."

"Seems logical, but I can't say that I would be good for that." I raised my eyebrow in surprise.

"What I mean is, I'm not pure like you, Bella. You deserve someone who waited like you have done." He lowered his head in sadness. I flicked the cigarette out and rose to my knees to crawl over beside him.

"Why can't I have you?" I whispered. I was mere inches away from him, but I didn't touch. He didn't reply. It worried me. His long hands were locked together tightly.

"Is it because of your drawer?" I asked softly. Edward's head snapped up.

"My drawer?"

"That's why you think you will taint me," I realized out loud. Fear flooded through my veins.

"You saw?"

"I'm sorry," I said. "Your door was cracked and when I looked inside... The drawer was open." Edward threw his head into his hands.

"You don't want me, really," He whispered broken. His fingers twisted through his hair roughly.

I sat back away from him and pulled my knees to his chest. The storm outside had quieted. It was passing. I could leave soon. O'Ryan's snore was heard from beside the couch and the fire crackled loudly. Maybe it was me that didn't truly want him. Was I ready for his dark desires? Why did I have to be so fucking adverse of everything sexual?

"I want you," He finally whispered. "But I won't allow myself to have you." He stood up and went for his room.

My heart broke away piece by agonizing piece for longer than I could withstand. I curled into a ball in front of the fire. My eyes were too dry to cry. I heard his bedroom door shut and I knew this was the end. Our kiss had to be more powerful than fear. I could still feel the electricity that lingered on my lips from his. Could I let him beat me? Could he allow me to love him? Suddenly, my views on my own virginity slipped away. I didn't care about holding it close anymore. I wanted it gone from me.

I didn't have Rosalie. I didn't have Tyler. I didn't have Edward. What was left of me? I opened my sealed eyes and got up. It wouldn't end this way. If this was all I was going to get, by God this Christmas Eve would stick with me forever for better or worse and there already was a lot of the worse. I took a deep steadying breath and started for his bedroom.

My shirt fell to the floor as I walked to the stairs. My bra stayed. My jeans went next. I balanced myself on the banister and removed my socks. My underwear stayed. In just my undergarments, I stalked over to his bedroom door.

I didn't bother knocking. It seemed foolish now. I pushed the door open. Edward sat on his bed in just his plaid boxers, his head back in his hands. It snapped up at my entrance. His eyes shot out of his head. He looked over my body. I stood firm and waited.

"Holy shit," He breathed. "What... What, uh," He stumbled then cleared his throat and closed his eyes. "What are you doing?" I walked over and stood before him unashamed. Fear was locked away and the thoughts and butterflies were set free. My own dark desires became known. Whatever he did to me, it didn't matter... For now.

I smiled down to him, "I'm taking you."

* * *

**There are over 130 followers and the reviews just keep coming. What a Christmas present, thank you, guys! Sorry for another cliffy... It is getting intense, yeah?! Leave me love and enjoy!**

**xx**


	9. Chapter 9

**I'm back! Thank you for all of the Christmas wishes! You guys are fabulous.**

**NOTE: This is where the story becomes even more intense... So I ask that you bare with me and the characters. They ALL have a lot to overcome and change.**

**KEEP CALM AND READ ON :D**

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**Chapter 9:**

**Leaving Stars**

My legs were trembling. I stared down into Edward's eyes as if he were my prey, and not some man that was stealing my heart and virtue. He watched me carefully. I dodged a flinch as his hands raised to rest on my hips. His touch was hotter than any sun to my planet.

My own hands went to his face. They tickled over his beard stubble. I lowered my mouth to his and he kissed me. Gasoline burst into furious flames once more. He gently pulled me onto the bed until I was laying on top of him. His kiss never faltered. My lungs were constricting for air but my mouth couldn't release him.

His tongue smashed mine. It got heavier and deeper each passing second. We became fierce, lost in one another. My body was no longer my own. I was twenty-three, and giving myself away felt much easier than it would have years ago. I was confident in myself even with my lack if experience. I tried not to think of what this would do to me in the morning.

His hands linked around my back searching for whatever they could grab. My bra unclasped like magic as he pulled the straps over my shoulder. My small breasts laid against his torso. His chest hair was so soft against them. My nipples hardened. He held me tight, mouth to mouth, and turned us over, until he hovered over me.

Our kiss broke.

"Bella," He whispered hoarsely.

"I'm fine," I assured. "And I'm on the pill."

"You still don't have t-"

"I want to," I interjected firmly. To prove my own words true, I reached down with tremors and removed my underwear. I parted my legs to him. He hesitated before finally taking my word and placed himself between my heat. It throbbed painfully. I sucked in a deep breath and grabbed onto his biceps tightly.

Slowly, Edward eased himself inside of me. I squeezed my eyes shut at the pinch his dick gave my insides. It burned but began to dissolve quickly. He went slow, taking his time. I was in no hurry either. Worry that I would bleed entered my brain but I shrugged it off. His pace began to quicken. I had no idea what to do to help further any pleasure so I stayed still. My legs were parted, and my hands were biting into his arms.

Small pings of ecstasy started to roll over my body. My breathing sped up to eventually match Edward's. He grunted and it had to be the sexiest noise I had ever heard. Each thrust drew me closer to the unknown. I wished I could see his face, his body, his tattoo's, but it was too dark, now. I visualized instead, a vision of him smiling at me.

Suddenly, I gasped when Edward's hand reached down between us and landed on my throbbing clitoris. It somehow felt more personal to have his hands touching me than him inside of me. He would feel my excitement, he would feel my most intimate part. There was no going back. I moaned involuntarily as his hand stroked me.

Between thrusts and his moving fingers, I fell into a different world where nothing hurt. I was getting closer, I knew. Edward's ragged breathing was harsh and demanding as he thrusted harder, jolting us upward each time. Then, as I had been reaching for the stars, I finally fell among them as I came for the first time.

It was quick but well worth every second. The stars were so much brighter up here in ecstasy. Edward moaned and his thrusting slowed. He removed his hand and placed it back on the bed to prop himself up better. I crashed back down to real life and felt like Jello. My limbs ached. My heart was erratic. Edward rolled over and collapsed beside me exhausted. He had, after all, done all the work.

We laid silently as we slowly collected our bearings. Cold air washed for me sending goosebumps to arise over my white naked skin. I shivered. Edward shifted until he pulled the blankets up over top of us securely. I sighed in contentment. I wouldn't allow myself to think of anything else but him and me in this moment.

* * *

I fell asleep with my head on his shoulder and woke up in the same position. I could hear machinery from outside and my eyes popped open. It was Christmas morning. I sat up slowly, not wishing to disturb Edward. All of my limbs ached. When I looked back to him, my eyes were instantly filling up with their salty dew.

He was perfectly placed. He was perfectly made. His lips were parted slightly, the slow rise and fall of his chest, the dark hair that splattered his torso, his feral copper locks and the way he reached out for me searching sleepily. I moved quickly and got off of the bed. He stirred for a moment more until he fell back into a comfortable position. I glanced between my legs. A small but of dried blood lined my inner thighs. I groaned inwardly. I gathered my clothes and left the room.

* * *

Snow plows had done their job in clearing the road. They even went so far as to clear Edward's driveway. I was secure in my Volvo, and drove away leaving part of me behind. I had remembered my painted feather gift, and after cleaning up in the bathroom, I left that with him, too. I wanted to cry, but for what?

My house was quiet and dark as I entered. I loved on my fat cat, gave him more food and changed clothes quickly. After placing my Christmas Gifts in the car, I headed out. My brain was in zombie mode, thinking of nothing.

It felt like a longer drive to my parent's house than usual, but I made it just before nine. Rosalie's car was in the driveway and I pulled up next to it. I stowed away my pain, and went into my childhood home.

"Bella, is that you?" My mother called excitedly.

"Yeah, it's me," I replied. She came from the kitchen and wrapped her arms around me as I was removing my coat.

"I'm so glad you're okay," She said.

"Thanks. I'm fine."

"Bella!" Rose exclaimed. She appeared by my other side and hugged me tightly as soon as my mother let me go. Anger over her lies returned to me, but now wasn't the time. I quickly diverted them to go and find my dad. He was on the couch with the game on, just where I had left him.

"Dad," I said happily.

"Hey, Bells," He replied. He placed his beer on the coffee table and stood up. I hugged him tightly. He kissed the top of my head then sat back down.

"Where did you hole up?" He asked. Renee and Rosalie had come into the room behind me.

"Oh, uh, I got a room in Breckenridge. I was driving down the pass when cops signaled to turn around."

"Good thing you did," My mother said. I turned and nodded to her.

"Can we do presents now?" Rose whined. My mother laughed and patted her shoulder.

"Yes, dear."

The day was almost over. Christmas was ending. Everyone loved my respective gifts. Rosalie bought me a new iHome for my house, and my mother and father got me a necklace. It was beautiful and on a thin gold chain with a small St. Christopher hanging from it. He was the man of safe travels. I never wanted to take it off.

I couldn't complain about anything, could I? I had a loving family. I knew at some point I would need to talk with Rose, and unfortunately, I was afraid that time was now as she had cornered me in the den. My parents were watching TV, and Rose and I sat at the table picking at Christmas dinner remnants and drinking a wine cooler. It had become tradition over the years.

"Emmett and I are going on a date tomorrow," Rose informed with a smile. My stomach churned. I had completely forgotten about her running into him again.

"Oh?" I squeaked.

"I'm so glad I found him again, Bella," She said dreamily. I took a deep breath.

"Are you going to tell him the truth?" I asked carefully. She cocked an eyebrow in confusion.

"The truth?" She questioned.

"About the baby," I whispered. My best friend's eyes went wide in horror. I didn't release my stare as I was expecting an explanation.

"What are you talking about," She choked. I stood from the table angrily.

"Oh, give it up, Rose!" I whisper yelled. "I know Edward wasn't father." Rose peered around the table to glance back to the living room. My parents were completely oblivious to our intense conversation. She looked back to me in pain.

"But," She whispered sadly, unable to finish.

"Because he's the guy I was matched to online."

"He's Tyler?" She asked in shock. I nodded my head.

"And he's who I was with these past few days."

"What?" I sat back down in defeat.

"The storm got so bad. I saw a cabin and went to it. It was Edward's place." Rosalie's hand went to her mouth in surprise. She frowned.

"I know you two didn't have sex. Why did you lie to me? How could you lie to Emmett?"

"Because he wasn't ready!" She cried in a whisper. "He was going off to college on a scholarship. I wasn't about to ruin that. And Edward... I thought he would stay." I took a long pull of my strawberry daiquiri, praying for courage and strength.

"Emmett had a right to know, Rose. And that wasn't right of you to do to Edward. I can't believe you kept it all from me. Seeing Emmett behind Edward's back like that was wrong."

"Oh, my God," She said in horror. "You like him." It wasn't a question, so I didn't have to answer. I couldn't.

"You think you know him so well, huh? Did you ever ask him why we never had sex?" She spat. I frowned.

"Didn't think so," She continued.

"Why should that even matter?" I asked painfully. Visions of my night with Edward burst through my barricade and flooded into my mind. His touches, kisses, thrusts.

"Because he's a freak, Bella. It's disgusting. He terrified me, so I was the one that chose not to have sex with him!"

"I don't understand," I lied. I knew what she was speaking of, but I had chosen not to believe that about him. He didn't hurt me last night. He didn't gag me, whip me, or anything or the sort. He was tender and loving. Rose studied my broken expression carefully.

"You slept with him," She accused. I looked into her crystal blue eyes and I couldn't find it within me to lie to her as she had lied to me for five years.

"He didn't hurt me," I defended. Who was I defending, me or Edward?

"Yet," She continued. I frowned in fear. "You think people like him can just simply go vanilla? It doesn't work that way, Bella."

"Vanilla?" I questioned. Rose rolled her eyes and drank from her bottle. My mind whirled around furiously.

"He's bad news."

"You don't even know him!" I yelled, my whisper disappearing from me.

"You guys okay?" Renee called from the couch. I crouched over defeated.

"Fine," I mumbled back to them. Rose snorted.

"Of all people, you want a masochist?" She asked in disgust.

"He's not a masochist," I fumed.

"Bella, open your eyes! He likes to beat women for pleasure!" I cringed at the visual.

"What are you two bickering about?" Renee suddenly asked from the doorway. Rose sighed. I drank more.

"Bella likes a boy that is bad for her," Rose announced. I looked over to her in horror.

Renee frowned, "Bella?" She questioned.

"He isn't bad," I replied through gritted teeth.

"He tortures women and gets off on it," Rose snapped. How could she betray and expose me like this?

"Rosalie!" My mother scorned. Renee wasn't one to ever speak of sex. To her, it just never went on. Especially for her little girl and her adopted daughter.

"Sorry, Mom," Rose said, "But it's true."

"Bella, you don't need t-" Renee started before I stood up again in fury.

"I can take care of myself!" I yelled to them. My mother flinched at my outburst. Rosalie looked down in defeat.

"Neither of you know anything, and have no right to tell me who I should and should not love!"

"You love him?" Rose asked in mock horror. I bit down on my tongue hard and threw fists into my hair.

"What have you gotten into, Bella?" My mother asked worriedly.

"Nothing!" I yelled. I suddenly felt the walls closing in on me and my breathing sped up.

"It won't be long before he wants to whip and gag you, too," Rose sneered.

"Oh, my God!" Renee cried.

"Fuck you, Rosalie," I sneered. She flinched. I couldn't take anymore. I couldn't utter another word, so I left.

"Get back here, young lady!" Renee cried.

"Don't do it, Bella!" Rose furthered. "He's dangerous!" Their words hit and stabbed into my back like knives.

I took off to the front door and grabbed my coat quickly. Glancing back at Charlie, he sat motionless and watched me with saddened eyes.

"I love you, daddy," I replied wordless. He smiled a small smile before I turned and left my old home and the only family I had in it. I left the stars, and ran into the darkness.

* * *

**It is finally out! I cannot wait to hear what you think! Is Rose being irrational? Don't you just love Charlie? Oh, and what about the S E X? ;)**

**More soon,**

**xx**


	10. Chapter 10

**You guys! There is almost 200 followers and a hundred reviews! You all are fabulous. xx**

* * *

**Chapter 10:**

**Chaos**

My small apartment was quiet as I stepped inside and closed the door. I didn't bother turning on any lights. I felt my way trough the dark until I found my bed. I collapsed, exhausted, defeated, hated, and broken. What had I done? Who had I fallen for?

How could Rosalie, my sister for lack of a better word, betray me in such a way? Was she jealous, or really trying to look out for me? I squeezed my eyes shut. I didn't want to think about her ever again. Tears slowly made their way into my eyes and small sobs racked my chest. I was alone and I missed Edward. Would he forgive me for leaving? All of my unanswered questions suffocated me until I fell asleep. I dreamt of falling stars.

* * *

Days had passed since Christmas. The New Year would soon overtake the old one and it couldn't come soon enough. Rosalie's relentless calling followed by my mother's was just about as much as I could handle. I avoided them like they were indeed the Black Death.

It was early morning and I was getting ready for my return to work. I let my long hair air dry, and wore black slacks with a blue blouse. I didn't care much anymore. Applying my mascara in the bathroom, my phone pinged at me. I droned, expecting another text from Rosalie. Her last few were begging for my forgiveness. I sighed and picked up my iPhone. A new email showed. My insides burned.

.

.

_Dear Bella,_

_I waited this long to contact you on purpose, thinking you needed space since you left without a good-bye. I love your Christmas present. It is hanging up in my room, thank you. You remembered my dream. I want to see you again, but understand if you choose otherwise._

_._

_._

_-Edward_

_Sent Dec 31, 2012 at 7:42am_

_._

.

I was suddenly filled with happiness. He wanted to see me and I knew that I wanted to see him, too. With all of my fears pushed aside, I opened a reply email.

.

.

_Dear Edward,_

_I am glad you liked the present. I'm sorry I left so abruptly... I chose the easy way out. But I want to see you. What are you doing for New Years?_

_-Bella_

_Sent Dec 31, 2012 at 7:44am_

.

.

_Bella,_

_I am sort of glad you left like that, because it hurt me. I needed to know that it would, but it also gave me time to think, too. I am available tonight. Can I take you out? What about the new club downtown, Chaos?_

_-Edward_

_Sent Dec 31, 2012 at 7:46am_

_._

.

_Edward,_

_Pick me up at 7?_

_Sent Dec 31 2012 at 7:47am_

_._

.

_See you then._

_-Edward_

_Sent Dec 31, 2013 at 7:49am_

.

.

I smiled so big that it hurt my face. He wasn't mad, and all of my own anger slipped away, too. I quickly sent one more email with directions to my house, and left for work feeling more than ready for the coming day.

* * *

It was a few minutes until seven and I was pacing my apartment in hysterics awaiting Edward's arrival. To say that I was nervous was an understatement. What if he hated the sex? What if we had sex again? Did I want that? Yeah, I did, but not with any whips or ball gags. I shivered. I'm not a virgin anymore. I felt as different as I did the same.

At least my work day had been fulfilling. Connie came in with an assortment of her Painted Feathers that I put on display for her. She was such a kind woman, and I had a great feeling about her art. I continued my pacing in my red stiletto heels that went along with my black skirt. The skirt was short and covered in gold glitter. My silk white blouse was tucked in and buttoned up accordingly. I left my long hair down and managed to curl it successfully without having Rosalie's help. My phone rang in my hand and I jumped. Excitement over Edward pulsed through me, and I answered immediately.

"Are you here?" I asked giddily.

"Bella?" Rose addressed. My stomach fell away from me.

"Rosalie," I stuttered.

"Hey, so look, about what happened," She began slowly.

"Rose, I don't care right now. You lied to me for five years! And you of all people have no right to judge me," I spat, obviously still angry over our situation. Rose sighed into the phone.

"You're like my sister, Bella. I'm sorry about the lie, and about Edward... I was only looking out for you."

"Well, I'm fine." There was a sudden knock on my door.

My heart fell away with my stomach and I answered it, still on the phone with Rose. Edward stood in nice khaki pants, and a white button up that wasn't buttoned up to the neck. I melted. His chest hair poked out to look at me seductively. He appraised me with a raised eyebrow, obviously happy with what he saw. I blushed.

"Bella? Hello!" Rose burst through my distant state.

"Yes," I told her.

"Who's that?" Edward asked with a smile. I put my hand up to him in defense and stepped back.

"Is someone there with you?" Rose asked angrily.

"No, no," I quickly lied.

"It's him, isn't it?" She accused. I sighed.

"So what if it is?"

"I can't believe you, Bella!" She shouted. "It's so repulsive!"

"Rose, I really can't do this right now," I said to her. She started to reply, but I clicked the end call button before I could hear anymore. I smiled and took a deep breath as I looked back to Edward in my doorway.

"She knows," He stated, rather than asked. All I could do was shrug.

"I'm sorry, Bella. Maybe I should go," He whispered.

"No!" I said again, only this time in truth. "No, don't." He nodded slightly.

"Are you ready?" He asked. I grinned widely and stepped out with him. We left for Chaos and I forced Rosalie out of my mind.

* * *

An hour later we were seated and well fed at Chaos. The bar turned into a night club after eight. Neon lights burst through their shutters, and people began to come alive in a different way. I sat back as I watched the dance floor intently. People spoke without words as they moved along with their partner. Edward laughed softy from beside me.

"What?" I asked shyly, looking over to him. He was comfortable in his chair, his dark liquored drink in one hand.

"Can you dance, Bella?" He asked. I shook my head vehemently. He laughed loudly and threw his head back. My cheeks heated and I downed more of my dirty martini.

"Everyone can dance," He finally said.

"Not true," I replied. Suddenly, he stood up and walked over to stand in front of me.

"Let's dance," He offered.

"No!" I whined.

"Come on," He said, taking my hand and pulling me up, "We've danced before. I think we can do it again." He pulled me against his chest. My own heart began to beat furiously at his remembrance. Five years before, we had danced, and I hadn't again since that night. I relented and allowed him to pull me onto the floor as a new song started.

We slid between other couples as they danced the night away around us before stopping. Edward placed his hands on my hips securely. I threw mine over his shoulders and slowly let myself move with him. It wasn't long before I lost myself. We moved like it had been previously choreographed. It was perfect. His hands gripped my hips and I let the song lyrics pour into my ears.

_Want you to make me feel like I'm the only girl in the world_

_Like I'm the only one that you'll ever love_

_Like I'm the only one who knows your heart_

It suited my thoughts exactly. I needed him just as much as I needed to decathect myself from him. He seemed lost in lust before me. I knew he needed things completely differently than I did. Could he love me in return? Could I give him what he needed? Visions of whips and chains burst into my brain. I cringed beneath his touch, but didn't waver in dancing.

My heated crotch rubbed against his sensually. I wanted to burst. I wanted to yell and scream and I wanted him to take me. I pulled his head down to me and kissed him. He returned the gesture strongly as I wrapped my arms around him. His tongue was sweet and tart from his liquor mixed in with his own personal flavor that I had almost forgotten. I pulled away and looked at him in need.

His face was pained, but filled with need, too. He needed me, and I wanted his need to fill me until it became a lost love that he was giving me instead. I quickly looked around the crowd for somewhere to go. I found nothing. Edward took my hand and pulled me out of the club hastily.

"Where?" I asked breathless. The night air was frigid. My exposed legs burned from the freezing wind.

"Your car," He said. I sighed blissfully. We took my car over his truck, but I couldn't remember why. It just happened, and I was glad It did. My Volvo was much more spacious.

He hit the unlock button on the keys and went to the back door opening it for me. I quickly jumped in with him behind me. He shut the door and leaned over the driver's seat to start the engine. He turned on the heat and the radio. A random club song came on that I had never heard of, but I quickly ignored it. Edward turned to face me, his eyes on fire. He gripped my face and pulled me to his mouth.

We kissed hard holding no prisoners. Everything about the world vanished around us and we were left with nothing and everything within each other. I ripped his shirt open and peeled it down his long strong arms. I couldn't help my staring at his tattoos. My hand slowly traced over his cross then went to the psalm over his chest. Edward's breathing hitched and he suddenly removed my blouse in one swift movement. The rest of our clothes stayed on. It seemed even more sexual that way in this moment. Unfortunately, nothing could prepare me for the outcome of our escapades.

* * *

**Those of you who have read my stories before know that I just cannot pass up a good dance scene! ;)**

**I hate leaving you all hanging.. But I do. Lol tomorrow's chapter will pick up where we left off! What did you think?**

**Song is Only Girl in the World by Rihanna**

**Btw! I saw Les Miserables last night and I highly recommend it, you guys! So beautiful and that Hugh Jackman? YUM**


	11. Chapter 11

**I did say that I hated to leave you hanging so...**

**Btw: Real quick, I had Rosalie call Edward a masochist on purpose. Remember, she doesn't know what she is talking about, so of course she would call him something he is not, not knowing the difference. ;)**

**Keep Calm and Read On! -Quickly becoming my new slogan!**

* * *

**Chapter 11:**

**New Year**

I let him devour my mouth until I needed more from him. My hand slowly went down towards his growing crotch. He moved his way through my hand with his and unzipped his pants. I took that as my signal to remove my panties, and I did. I slowly began to lay myself back onto the seat, but Edward took hold of my arms and twisted. My body turned with no objections until I was on all fours on my tan leather back seat.

Curiosity and need were all my brain could think of. Edward took hold of my hips firmly, much like some other entity had taken a hold of my common sense.

He shoved my skirt up to reveal my bare ass. I was embarrassed, but too afraid to protest, to wanton to even try. He shoved his dick inside of me in one swift movement.

My lungs constricted. I choked out a cry in ecstasy and pain as he pounded into me. I wanted it more than I wanted my own life because I had become him. I pushed myself back into him meeting his thrusts perfectly. Edward grunted pleasurably, spurring me on further.

"You like that?" He asked breathless.

"Yes," I replied tensely. I heard his brisk laugh. He was hitting my perfect spot, and just before I could cry out anymore in pleasure, pain rippled up my backside as Edward spanked me.

My eyes shot oped in surprise. Had I imagined it? He never faltered in his pounding. I was getting closer and closer until he hit me again. Part of my body winced in pain while the other part yelled in agreement to his smacking. My orgasm slowly started to fall away from me as I prepared myself for another slap. It came, and it came down hard and loud. My insides hardened with happiness bringing my orgasm closer. My mind was fighting against my body.

Edward groaned as he caressed my sore cheek. Tears pricked my eyes. Everything was heightened. My vision was blurred and my body was feeling too intense to keep up. Another spank slammed down onto me and my body obeyed to its need. I came around his dick giving into my convulsions. My moans were muffled by constricted air. Edward gave three more ragged thrusts and called out my name as his bodily fluids filled me.

He collapsed onto my back and wrapped an arm around my stomach. After our breathing had returned to us, Edward raised off of me and buttoned his pants. My limbs ached and my ass burned reminding me of his slaps. I cringed putting my underwear back on. Looking to Edward, he looked happier than ever. My insides churned. My mind held regret, and Rosalie's warning popped into my head.

When would I become strong enough to get over her? Edward suddenly kissed my cheek and got out of the car. I sat motionless watching him climb into the drivers seat. He fiddled with the heat and buckled his seatbelt. Where had our voices gone? I slowly gathered what wits I had left and climbed over the center console into the passenger seat. I sat down and flinched. I felt used.

We pulled away from Chaos in silence. Music was playing but my ears were drowning. It seemed that my little neat universe had become too chaotic to keep up with. Edward hit me and enjoyed it. I wasn't ready to allow my body the satisfaction of liking it, because such a large part of me didn't. There was no feeling behind it. It was sex and nothing else. Edward took from me just as I had taken for him. He didn't look over to me. I know felt as forlorn as I did about our situation.

Why did he like it? Why did he need it? Sadness overwhelmed me knowing that I could never be what he needed. Finally arriving at my apartment, we got out of my Volvo and Edward walked me to the door. I tried to hide my slight hobble due to my burning behind. I should have left my panties off. Each step had the fabric rubbing my sore in the worst of ways. I tuned to face him, but did not open my front door. I wasn't offering him anything else. He handed me my keys. My eyes finally looked up to his.

"Bella," He addressed worriedly. "Why are you crying?" Here reached up to touch my cheek and I flinched involuntarily.

"It was too much," He admitted, mostly to himself it seemed. "I'm so sorry." I shrugged slowly. My voice never came to me when I needed it the most, when I needed it to defend me.

"I'm no good, I told you. I won't bother you again." His words were everything and nothing that I wanted to hear. My heart ripped, my body screamed, and my mind sighed in ease.

"It hurts," I whispered. "Why do you need it?" Maybe he didn't. Maybe he was caught up in the moment. He shook his head, his golden eyes fading away into the blackness again. I felt like a whore.

"You liked it, Bella. Your body told me so." I shook my head again.

"Why would I want to be hit?" I asked angrily, my voice rising with each word. Edward took my hands and kissed them softly.

"I would never intentionally hurt you, baby. But there is a world of pleasure you cannot even begin to dream about," He confessed. My body perked at full attention, my burning ass reminded me of the pain, and my brain was yelling everything I could not speak. Was I willing to find out what he meant?

"I need more than sex," I ordered. Edward's chiseled face fell.

"I am no good at that."

"Just as I am no good physically," I countered. He flashed me his crooked grin briefly.

"I can't promise anything."

"Neither can I."

"I want to try."

"So do I." We smiled softly together. I leaned up to kiss his mouth before releasing his hands, and unlocking my door. I heard him chuckle from behind me.

"By the way," He purred. "Happy New Year." I turned to face him in surprise. I had completely forgotten. I gave him another smile, then slipped behind my front door.

I hid myself behind the walls of my apartment securely. I waited until I heard his engine start before I fell to the floor in pieces. Sadly, I didn't know as much about Edward as I wished too. I knew that this new year was going to be everything and nothing I thought it would be. I noticed my Bible on the end table by the sofa and thought of something as I crawled over it.

I flipped through the old rice paper carefully until I found what verse I had forgotten about.

.

_Psalm 147:3_

_He heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds._

.

I sank back down to the floor. Why didn't I know what I wanted? This suddenly became more than loosing my virginity. It was more than Edward's strange ways. It was more than Rosalie's lies, too. I hurt all over but it wasn't until fear entered me that I cried to God for anything he would give me.

_"He's dangerous." _

What if Rosalie is right?

* * *

**How was that for ya?! Please remember that our Bella is naive and afraid of a lot of things. These characters still have growing to do, and obstacles to over come. I hope you enjoyed it. Your feedback seriously makes my day. I hope I have written something you are enjoying!**


	12. Chapter 12

**Happy Friday, bb's!**

* * *

**Chapter 12:**

**Relenting**

It was finally the end of the week. Work had done its job in keeping me busy and keeping my mind far away from me. I knew that sooner or later I would have to confront myself. Rosalie had finally stopped calling, and so did my mother. I needed time. Charlie called, and made me feel much better last night. As I finished showering to prepare myself for Edward's arrival, I thought back to my dad.

"Hey, Bells," He addressed softly. I sighed into the phone.

"Hi, daddy."

"How are you holding up?"

"Are you asking because mom asked?"

"No, I'm asking." My shoulders dropped.

"I'm... All right, I guess. I'm sorry you had to hear our fight."

"I didn't hear much," He lied. I smiled. "Are you speaking with Rosie?"

"No," I snapped.

"I understand."

"She lied to me for years, dad."

"I know."

"And I got sick of her and mom's judgmental attitude towards me."

"I know that, too, sweet heart. Are you happy?" His question threw me slightly. I had to really think about my answer.

"I'm getting there. And Edward isn't a bad guy."

"I trust you," He said strongly. That only made me feel worse somehow. I didn't trust myself. I didn't know what I was becoming.

"Thanks, dad," I whispered.

"Rosie messed up, but she loves you. I don't expect a reconciliation, and you are my daughter, so you come first."

"I know that." Tears filled my eyes. Charlie sighed lightly.

"Take your time, but think about calling your mother soon. Call if you need anything. I have my cell, you know." I heard a beer can opening on the other end. It made me smile. I promised my father that I would call again soon, and I would.

Back in the present, the shower water was getting cold. Somehow during my thoughts I had sat down in the tub. Did I fall asleep? I shrugged, stood up, and turned the nozzle off. Stepping out of the shower, I slipped on the tile floor when the door opened.

"Bella?" Edward asked. I screamed in surprise and busted my tail bone on the floor. Edward rushed to my naked side and pulled me up.

"Sorry. I was knocking for fifteen minutes and the door was unlocked."

"I fell sleep," I said lamely. I grabbed my towel from the counter and wrapped it around me securely. Edward had not seen me naked in such a bright light before. I blushed, and noticed his eyes trying to find something else to look at. My back throbbed as I hobbled away, not looking at him.

"Are you all right?"

"Just embarrassed," I replied. Edward chuckled. I tried to gather my frantic thoughts as I limped to my bedroom.

"I'll be right out," I told him. Edward nodded and I closed my bedroom door. I threw my head in my hands and groaned. How gracious I was.

I quickly dressed in sweats and an old t-shirt before I towel dried my hair. Edward was here to talk, and I didn't feel ready yet. I said a prayer for my mind to return to me and not fail this time. I sucked in a deep breath through my nose and went back to him.

Edward was in the living room looking at pictures on the wall smiling. I silently walked up behind him. I noticed him staring closely at a picture of Rosalie and me at Disney World.

"Florida, two years ago," I noted. Edward jumped in surprise. I laughed.

"The sunshine suits you," He finally said, looking back to the photograph. He wore a black long sleeved shirt and dirty jeans. His boots were old and worn. Standing so close to him, I smelt his scent as it wafted over me. My knees went weak.

My mind fought against my body hard. It was a fight that neither would win in satisfactory.

"Beer?" I asked him. He turned to face me with a smile and a nod. I went and got two bottles from the fridge and came back to sit next to Edward on the couch. I sipped my beer, and he did the same.

"Where do we start?" He asked.

"Tell me about yourself," I offered.

"What is there to know?"

"What's your middle name?"

"Anthony. You?"

"Marie," I whispered. Edward laid back on the couch and sighed. "I didn't want my real name out there for everyone to see."

"Ditto," He said chuckling, now. "Tyler seemed common enough."

"Why whips and chains?" I blurted. My cheeks went crimson. Apparently my mind wanted her answers now.

"Just jumping right to it, huh?" He joked. I forced a laugh. Edward sighed and sipped more beer. My body watched as his mouth fitted easily around the beer bottle and pulled. I squeezed my legs shut.

"I don't know," He offered. I frowned, not satisfied.

"When did you realize you liked it?"

"I was nineteen. I dated an older woman. The relationship didn't last very long." My insides twisted. An older, more experienced woman. I shuddered.

"Where are your parents?"

"I haven't spoken to them in years."

"Why?"

He shrugged, "Disagreements in life." His eyes were clouded. I suddenly thought back to my own disagreements with my family. My heart saddened. Edward's golden eyes watched me carefully. I pushed those thoughts away and thought of something else.

"I don't want to be used," I whispered.

"By who?"

"By... You." Edward frowned.

"How would I use you?"

"For sex. To whip..." I broke off. His face softened. "The first time we had sex... It was great."

"It was."

"Then the second time..."

He cute me off raising his hand in the air, "I lost myself, and I should have discussed it with you. I'm sorry." My mind couldn't stop.

"You didn't come the first time," I whispered. "But you did the second time." Edward groaned.

"Why?" I begged.

"I don't know if I can explain it, but I could have came the first time, I just chose not to. My mind was racing with too many things."

"I know the feeling," I whined. "I don't know if I can be what you need," I admitted.

"You already are," He spoke strongly. My heart swelled, my mind smiled and my body pulsed hotly. We finished our beers.

"I didn't know that I would be so driven by the sex," I said sheepishly. "My mind is fighting it so hard."

Edward grinned seductively. "Like I said, there are massive amounts of pleasure through many different things that you have no idea about. Yet."

My mind instantly went back into the fog of uncertainty. Once again, all of my values and worries vanished and I wanted him to ravage me whether it be with a whip or just with his dick, I didn't care. But I knew I would care afterwards. Was it worth it? Looking back to his grin, I knew it was. I scooted closer to him, pulled my legs up onto the couch, and kissed his stubbly neck. His breathing hitched. My body grinned in satisfaction.

With hands that no longer shook with fear, I reached down to undo his pants. Edward made no move to stop me, Instead letting me have the control this time. I swiveled around to the floor on my knees between his legs. I wanted to taste him. Edward watched me, blissfully surprised. He let me pull his pants open, so I carefully reached in through the hole of his boxers and pulled out his piece. His dick was soft and a shade of brown mixed with pink. It was the perfect color and shape, and even better, it was hard.

My body smiled wickedly as someone else entirely possessed me. I kissed the tip of it gingerly. His dick twitched. I had no idea what I was doing, but it couldn't be that hard, right? I licked, kissed, then sucked his length into my mouth. I never knew doing something to him could feel this good to me. Edward softly placed a hand on my head, not forcing me, but adoring me and my work. I began to suck harder and faster. Pre-cum appeared each time I made another stroke. It was salty and warm. It was Edward in my mouth.

Suddenly, he stopped me by placing his hands on my shoulders.

I released my mouth, and frowned up at him.

"Wow," He breathed. I smiled. "As amazing as that is, I want to come inside of you instead," He purred. My smile widened.

"Okay," I whispered. I stood up and pulled my old t-shirt over my head. My chest was bare. Edward cupped one of my tiny breasts softly before leaning up to kiss my nipple. Pleasure shot through me, opening my veins fully now.

"How do you want it?" He asked between licks and kisses. My nipple was harder than his dick. "We've done missionary and doggie style so far."

"Against the wall," I said between gasps.

Edward's mouth smiled against my nub. He stood up abruptly, leaving my nipple wanting. He let his pants fall to the ground, and kicked off his shoes. His plaid boxers stayed, but I tugged on his shirt. He removed it and tossed it to the floor. I placed my hand over his Celtic cross tattoo and furrowed my brows.

"My father is Irish," He informed. I smiled and kissed his bicep.

"Making you Irish," I noted.

"Aye," He said smiling through his forced accent. My heat blossomed further.

"It is beautiful artwork." I rubbed the tattoo softly. Edward's long fingers hooked underneath my sweatpants and pulled downward. My pink rose colored panties stayed.

We suddenly wrapped our arms around each other in a tight embrace feeling bits and pieces of each other. Edward's ass was tight and firm as I squeezed it. He kissed my neck. I cried out in laughter when he picked me up. My legs automatically wrapped around his waste. When I looked into his golden eyes, I saw the world for the first time. He kissed me sweetly, then allowed his own need to take over as his tongue wrestled with mine.

The heat between my legs ignited in full force. Our kisses grew rough. My hands ripped at his copper hair, as his nails dug into my ass while he held me. He walked, but I couldn't see where since I refused to open my eyes during our kiss. He shoved me against a wall and broke our kiss. I breathed in heavily. He was smiling at me. We were in my bedroom now. My heat pulsed wantonly. He knew that, and with one hand he reached down between us. His dick was hard against my inner thigh. He pushed my panties to the side and the tip of his dick met my clit. I gasped in excitement, but then blushed in embarrassment, realizing that I was too dry for him to enter me.

Edward's seductive grin was back. He raised the same hand to his mouth and licked it. My eyes grew wide in surprise. It was deeply erotic. He placed his licked hand to my heat, giving enough lubrication for him to enter me, and he did. His dick shoved all the way in and I felt full again. I smiled in contentment and Edward started his thrusting.

My hips pounded into the wall. He hit the right spot each time and it felt perfect, but something was missing. I was close to falling off of the edge, back into the stars, but I couldn't. I frowned, thinking something was wrong with me. Edward's face was buried in my neck, his breathing harsh.

Suddenly, it became known to me. My mind burst through her closed doors to yell at me, only she knew it was true, too. She hid away. There was no fighting it. I squeezed my eyes closed and moved my mouth to his ear.

"Spank me," I ordered. Edward's thrusting stopped immediately and he raised his head to look at me. His expression was pained with worry and guilt.

"Please," I begged. When he saw my smile, he gave in and smiled, too. He was happy to know the truth as much as I was. His thrusting picked up again, and he spanked my right cheek with his perfect hand.

His gasoline ignited my flame like an explosion. The ecstasy he was giving me was indescribable. He pushed into me harder and harder.

"More," I choked. He hit me again and I grew closer to the stars. Since my mind had relented, the spanking didn't hurt at all.

"Harder," I cried. His next slap was my undoing. I fell off the edge. My nails scratched across his back. My toes curled and I screamed his name just as Edward screamed mine when he came inside of me. It was the longest orgasm I had felt yet. My head fell to his shoulder in happiness and exhaustion. A few minutes passed wordless and Edward spun us around to fall on my bed. We laughed but didn't speak. Words wouldn't do it justice a we crawled up to the pillows, beneath the covers, and fell asleep soundly in each other's arms.

* * *

**Hallelujah to them finally getting a little talking done, to more nookie, and to Bella's realization!**

**Also, I am always curious as to how each and every one of you has come across this story. Tell me!**

**I will update again soon, you know I'm good for it! Real life may get in the way some this weekend, but I won't keep you hanging for too long!**

**Teaser for next chapter? Be ready for Edward's ex...**

**You guys are the best. What do you think?!**


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13:**

**Warnings**

The next morning came peacefully. I rolled over to Edward who was facing the wall, and draped my arm over him. His even breathing was soothing until a shrill ringing sounded from the living room. I flinched in surprise and scooted back away from a still sleeping Edward.

I rose from the bed and quietly walked to my couch. The ringing had stopped. I frowned. My naked chest was cold, so I grabbed my old t-shirt from the floor and put it on. A beeping noise sounded. I glanced down to Edward's pants and started to fish through his pockets. His cell phone was in his back pocket. When I pulled it out, it started to ring again. It hurt my ears. My heart constricted when I saw the caller's name flash. Tanya. At first I thought it was his mother, but he said they didn't speak and he never mentioned having any siblings. It was the weekend so it couldn't be his boss. I waited the loud ringing out until it stopped. It beeped again, showing a new text message. I opened it. It was nosey of me, but what did he have to hide? There were two text messages.

.

.

_Edward, why aren't you answering? -Tan_

.

.

_I need you here, NOW! -Tan_

.

.

I dropped the phone in sadness. Was he sleeping with her? Just then, Edward appeared at the doorway. He was groggy with sleep. I stood up quickly.

"Morning," He mumbled with a smile. His morning wood was at attention.

"Hi," I squeaked.

"Got any coffee?" He came towards me slowly. I noticed his tattoo of a random date. I needed to ask him about that.

"Yes," I told him. "Feel free to shower. I'll make some." Edward placed his hands on my hips and kissed my neck.

"Why don't you shower with me?" He suggested against my throat. I laughed nervously and pushed him away.

"Go shower, dork," I teased. Edward smirked and went to the bathroom. He didn't close the door.

I went to the kitchen and started the makings of coffee in the pot and thought of Tanya. I frowned at her signature in the texts. Tan? Who calls themselves that? Perhaps it was pronounced like "ton" short for Tanya. I laughed at myself and watched the coffee drip. His phone rang again. I glanced from it to the bathroom before running over and picking it up again. Edward was whistling. I quickly jogged over to the bathroom door.

"Edward, your cell keeps ringing," I told him nonchalantly.

"Can you take a message, babe?" He asked. I smiled.

"Of course." He continued his whistling and I ran back to the kitchen. I slid the bar on his iPhone across the screen just in time. I opened my mouth to speak, but was stunned into silence by a beautiful voice yelling at me.

"What the fuck could you be doing that is so important not to answer my phone calls, Edward Anthony? You are late!" She screamed. I flinched.

"Um, can I take a message?" I squeaked. My voice broke off. She terrified me.

"Oh, my God! I'm terribly sorry," She gushed. "Who is this?" I fought the urge to not tell her my name.

"Marie," I blurted. I threw my free hand in the air angrily. I was an idiot.

"Marie? Ah, Marie," She said the name with a hint of venom. "I didn't think Edward would ever decide to actually meet you in person." I didn't like her tone. Acid boiled in my empty stomach.

"Well, he did," I snapped.

Tanya chuckled, "Please tell him that it is very important to call me, Marie." She coughed into the phone. It was a deep cough.

"Okay," I answered once her coughs ended. Just as I pulled the phone away from my ear, she spoke again stopping me.

"You should really think about what you're doing with Edward before you let yourself fall for him," She warned. The line cut off but I didn't remove the phone from my ear. She stunned me frozen. What was it with all these warnings? Why was I refuting them? I got the distinct feeling that Tanya warned me for herself and not for my own good. I frowned, put the phone down and grabbed two mugs from the cupboard.

"Who was it?" Edward asked happily as he bounded into the kitchen. He went to the coffee pot.

"Tanya," I replied quietly. Edward smacked his forehead with his hand.

"Shit!" He yelled. He turned and jogged past me back into the living room. He dropped the towel around his waste and grabbed his jeans, flinging them on up over his hips before buttoning them. I watched in sadness.

"I gotta go," He said frantically. "What time is it?"

"Eleven," I replied in a daze.

"Shit, shit!" He cried again. He pulled his shirt over his head, put on his socks, and stuck his feet in his boots not bothering to tie them. He came back to the kitchen. I watched silently as he grabbed his phone off of the counter.

"Do you work today or something?" I asked nonchalantly.

"No, I actually only work three days a week."

"Oh. I didn't know that."

"Pays good, though. Got any to go cups?" He asked. I nodded and moved like a zombie. I poured black coffee into a travelers mug.

"I'll call you," He said quickly before kissing my cheek. He fiddled with his phone and stuck it to his ear. I placed the lid over the mug and pushed it in, then handed it to him.

"Tanya," He gushed. "Yeah, I know. I know! I'm sorry." He listened again. "Yes, ma'am," He growled. I knew who she was now. The older woman that showed him his sexual ways. I cringed. Jealousy flushed through me. Why was he still talking to her? I broke free from my thoughts and saw as Edward forced a smile to me. He left my apartment leaving me in ruins.

Just then, my own cell phone ringing broke me from my thoughts. I picked it up from the coffee table. My mother. I groaned but thought back to Charlie. I answered.

"Mom."

"Bella. Oh, I'm so glad you answered."

"Yeah," I replied dead panned. My mind was still on Edward.

"I wanted to apologize, baby." That got my attention.

"Really?"

"Yes. It wasn't my place to judge. It wasn't Rosalie's either. Please forgive me." I sighed happily, a burden was being lifted.

"I forgive you, mom."

"Good. Now, I don't need any deep details, I just want you happy."

"I am," I half lied. "I mean, I'm on my way to it."

"Good. Have you spoken to Ro-"

"No. I'm my ready to. I don't know if I eve will be."

"Okay, baby." I knew Renee would never cut Rose off completely. She loved her. Not more than me, but enough.

I spoke with my mother for over an hour on the phone. She didn't ask about Edward, which was good. I wasn't ready to discuss him just yet. We spoke of work mostly. She promised to come into my gallery soon to see some of Connie's work. It wasn't until I was alone again that I thought back to Edward and Tanya. I groaned. Just before falling asleep, I decided to text him.

.

_Miss you. -B_

.

It was all I could think of. At least it was honest. My phone buzzed.

.

_I miss you. -E_

.

Part of my worry floated away from me. I read his text over and over until I drifted off to sleep alone.

* * *

**Oh, my! What did you think of that? And why would Edward still need to talk to her?! *smh***

**I love all your love! You guys rule. I wish all of you guest reviewers would make an account so that I could converse & thank you personally!**

**xx more soon!**


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14:**

**Vanilla**

Monday came around and it found me at work trying to stay busy. A replay of last week was quickly forming. I had not heard from Edward since his one text message after he left me in a rush to go to another woman. I didn't try calling him. It would hurt too much when he didn't answer. He assured me that I wasn't being used just for sex, so I had to trust him until I had reason not to, right? Besides, we weren't official. It's not like I had any claim to him. That thought hurt more than I expected it to.

Tanya's warning fazed me much harder than Rosalie's did. Edward obviously told her about me. That alone was strange enough in itself. I sighed and leaned against the counter at my gallery. I ruffled through more paperwork and watched an elderly man leave with his new purchased piece of art as a woman stepped in. I groaned. I wanted some quiet time to think.

The woman's heels sounded loudly over the wooden floors across the Gallery of Art. I raised my head to look at her again and I was shunned into silence. Why did that keep happening to me? Her long golden hair was sleek, and her legs went on and on leading up to a pencil skirt with a grey blazer. She stopped before me behind the counter. Her grey eyes were alarming and you could see dark circles beneath them.

She was sick, but she was trying to hide it.

"May I help you?" I addressed kindly.

"Are you Bella Marie?" She asked. I crossed my eyebrows.

"I am."

"I'm Tanya. We spoke on the phone," She said. My eyes widened and my stomach fell to the floor. I needed to run and hide.

"Yes," I choked. I cleared my throat. "Yes. What can I help you with?" She smiled slowly. This was the woman that taught Edward such devilish things? She seemed so straight edge.

"I wanted to speak with you about Edward, first off."

"Oh?" I squeaked. "Does he know that you are here?" Her smile twitched.

"No. But I had to meet the woman who was stealing his heart." My own heart started to pump furiously within my chest. I tried to take a breath and respond, but I reflected. I glanced down to my wrist watch.

"Um, I am about to close up shop," I said.

"Fabulous. We should go eat somewhere." It sounded more like an order than a suggestion. I nodded to her.

"What about the Italian Cafe around the corner?" I offered. She smiled, showing her shiny teeth to me.

"Perfect."

"I'll be over in a few minutes." Tanya nodded and left.

Even though she was gone, my mind could still hear her heels against my gallery floor. I shuddered and locked up. After turning off the lights, setting the alarm, and grabbing my things, I walked out of my work place and breathed in the thick winter air. It was heavy with a storm approaching. I quickly put my stuff in my Volvo then took that big invisible step towards Edward's ex. Part of me wanted to call and tell Edward, but I cared too much about what she had to tell me to do so.

The cafe was quiet and smelt of fresh basil. It warmed me inside and out. I spotted Tanya quickly over by the large window sitting at a small round table. I nodded to the hostess and pointed to my party. The young girl nodded and handed me a menu. One more deep breath was inhaled before I made it to Tanya and sat down. I hadn't tripped nor slipped. That was a good sign.

Before we could speak, the waitress appeared cheerfully and took down our drink order. The girl seemed entirely too happy for my mood right now, and Tanya's, too it seemed. She rolled her eyes as soon as the girl was gone. I couldn't help my smile.

"Tanya," I started awkwardly, "You must know how strange this must be for me..." I trailed off, cheeks burning. She smiled her first genuine smile at me.

"I understand," She replied. "I would not have come if I thought it was any less serious between the two of you."

I shrugged, "I honestly don't know how serious it is."

"Oh, it's serious," She informed. My heart lifted.

"But may I just say that, shouldn't his mother be making this visit or something?"

Tanya laughed. "Probably, but that won't happen."

"Yeah, he told me that they didn't speak anymore. Do you know why?" She hook her head.

"That, my dear, is for him to tell." I nodded. The waitress had returned with my hot tea and Tanya's small glass of brandy. I didn't question her, instead stirring my tea and putting the mug to my lips. I blew cold air over the hot liquid.

"So, why have you come?" I hedged.

"I don't want to see Edward with a broken heart. He is taking on a lot right now, especially in helping me. I will spare the details, my dear, but I will not tolerate any foul play. He deserves everything." She was brisk and business like.

"I care about him more than he cares about me," I admitted quietly. Tanya chuckled.

"Wrong again." She was only confusing me further.

"What all has he told you?" I wondered aloud. Tanya's blue eyes flickered from me to her brandy. She sipped it timidly then coughed slightly.

"He's gone vanilla," She stated in surprise. I frowned. There was that word again.

"I don't know what that means," I admitted.

"Of course you wouldn't, Bella," She replied with a smirk. I frowned. Glancing out the large window beside us, the Rocky Mountains were dark. The clouds were heavy with impending snow. It was beautiful. I looked back to Tanya.

"I have no intentions of breaking his heart. I'm sorry, but that is all I can give you." Edward's ex lover sighed.

"I suppose that will have to suffice. I appreciate you doing this." Tanya suddenly rose from the table. I wanted to ask her to stay. I needed more answers. I wanted her gone from me. I wanted to forget this encounter. She dug in her purse and pulled out a twenty dollar bill, placing it next to her drink.

"It was a pleasure to meet you," She said kindly. I nodded to her, unsure if I could lie the same. She smiled and left me. My lungs finally exhaled. I felt human again in her absence. I laid my own money down on the table beside my full cup of tea, and left the shop.

Outside, I zipped my North Face jacket up. All of a sudden, I found myself angry with Edward. It felt like I had already lost so much over him, and he has some sort of posse coming to protect me from him? I fished my cell out of my slacks and hit send on his number. The winter air was growing colder. It whipped across my cheeks, chapping them as I made my way towards my Volvo. Edward answered on the fourth ring.

"Bella, I'm so glad you called," He gushed without a hello.

"Why would I break your heart?" I demanded. "And you didn't call me!"

"What?"

"Don't be coy!" I snapped. "Why don't your trust me?" I heard Edward's sigh. My teeth began to chatter. I could see my Volvo, now. My own thoughts began to confuse me, too.

"Did Tanya-"

"Don't say her name to me, Edward," I begged through teeth chatters.

"Where are you?" He asked annoyed.

"I'm walking to my car."

"You're not home yet?" He sounded surprised.

"I would be if your ex lover hadn't of fucking held me up," I snapped. Edward growled into the phone. I couldn't keep anything straight. Why was I mad, again?

"It's going to storm anytime, now. Hang up the phone and drive home carefully. I'll meet you there."

"No!" I yelled. I hopped into my car and balanced the phone between my shoulder and ear as I started the engine.

"I don't want your dirty sex," I half lied. Would he see through my false statement? "I've never hurt you. And I don't deserve a broken heart, Edward." I could hear another growl escape his lips, then the closing of a car door. He was going to come over anyway.

"God Dammit," He cursed. "I'll see you in twenty five minutes. Drive carefully," He warned. I felt as if I was speaking to a parent. I knew that in a way, he did care. A sick and twisted weird way.

"Did you hear me?" He called, snapping me back to reality. I was making him angry the longer I waited. The longer I waited, the closer the storm came, and the more trouble I got in. I frowned.

"I'm not a fucking child."

"I'll see you in twenty five minutes." The call went dead. I yelled obscenities and threw my phone onto the dash as I pulled the lever into reverse.

I was in a race against him and the weather. For the first time in years, I made it home from work in record time. I pulled into my driveway and cut the engine before dashing inside. I threw my bag down, and changed into comfortable sweats and an old t-shirt with five minutes to spare.

I sat down on my couch and lit a Camel Light. I had purchased the pack on Christmas night after my blowout with Rosalie, but hadn't smoked one until now. The toxic fumes chilled me instantly. My leg nodded up and down frantically in anticipation. Suddenly, I stared at the pack of cigarettes before me.

I read aloud, "New Vanilla Flavor Coming Soon." My mind raced.

"Vanilla," I whispered. I grabbed my iPhone from the coffee table and went straight to Google before typing in Tanya's exact words to me. Many different links popped up for, "_He's gone Vanilla._" It didn't take long for me to narrow it down. I read through the many descriptions quickly and as soon as I realized what it meant, a hard knock came to my door.

* * *

**I am updating again today because I am so damn happy. This story has received so many views. It means a lot to me and also means that yes, as an author, my stories and writing is getting better!**

**But, what prompted me the most was the surprise plane tickets from my hubby to visit Colorado next month! I used to live there when I was a teenager, so the state means a lot to me. Hence why so many of my stories take place there. I will get to visit the many places I lived. Kudos to my hubby and to all of you amazing readers! xx**

**Looks like Edward is in trouble, eh?**


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 16:**

**Release**

Another hard knock sounded against my front door. I needed more time. I gripped my iPhone hard in my hand as I continued to stare at the screen. Another knock. I didn't answer him. I quickly typed in BDSM to the Google search bar. Hundreds of links filled the screen. I decided on Wikipedia, but as soon as I clicked the link, I heard Edward.

"Bella, I'm sorry. Please answer the door!" His voice was loud but sincere.

"Hang on," I called. I read through as much of the description as possible. My stomach grew nauseous, and I realized that I didn't need to know any specifics. I groaned, set my iPhone down and went to the door with my cigarette.

I was still angry with him, and that was clear on my face. He tried a smile, but stopped when his eyes met mine. I stepped back for him to enter my apartment. I didn't speak until we both were inside, and the door was shut. I had a feeling that my neighbors may frown upon my coming conversation.

"Next time you know that a storm is coming, go home, okay? Don't go have drinks or talk with people and make yourself late," He snapped.

He spun around to face me in front of the couch. His tone only heightened my anger. I walked closer to him slowly, fists clenched at my sides. I puffed my cigarette in preparation.

"I am not your property," I said evenly, blowing the smoke out through my nose.. My own voice even scared me with its intensity. Edward didn't waver.

I continued anyway, "And how dare you discuss our sexual encounters with your ex girlfriend, Edward." He knew immediately that I was as hurt as I was mad. He crumbled before me onto the couch. His head fell in his hands as he yanked at his hair.

"No," I told him. "Don't hide from me! Look at me," I ordered. Edward raised his head.

"I deserve answers."

"Yes." His reply stunned me. I thought that I was going to have to push harder. I was relieved. He grabbed a cigarette from my pack and ignited the end. I went and sat down next to him. Suddenly, a meow came from my bedroom door. Edward jumped in surprise. I groaned.

"I've been here how many times and haven't seen your fat cat, yet?" Edward asked. I got up and filled Fatty's bowl in the kitchen with food. The tubby feline waddled over to his dish. I rubbed his neck and left him to eat.

"He sleeps under my bed. He eats. That is his life."

"Oh. Fuck he's fat."

"Yup." We shared a forced smile until the tension returned.

After a few moments of silent smoking, he spoke.

"What did Tan-" He cut off, remembering my earlier request. "What did she do?" He asked, emphasizing his use of gender.

"She told me not to break your heart, and that you have a lot going on. Then she ended it with how I was changing you since you had gone vanilla." I spat the last word like it was blasphemy. My insides boiled at a vision of her before me.

"I didn't tell her to go to you," He admitted quietly.

"I know that, but I don't understand how you can confide so fully in your ex, but keep me in the dark. It hurts me, Edward," I replied strongly. I stared at the orange ember at the end of my cigarette in a trance. I wanted him. I wanted to run away. I wanted to be beaten down. I wanted to stand tall. In truth, I was breaking apart.

"I can't keep doing this," I choked. I didn't look to him, but I could hear his breathing hitch.

"What?" He asked sadly.

"This! This, sick and twisted relationship, Edward!" I ashed my cigarette and stood up to pace. He watched me intently. I felt like a completely different person than I had a month ago. I didn't expect this new year to change me so completely.

"Please," He begged. "I'll fix it. I'll change."

"No," I whined loudly. "You shouldn't have to Edward, that's the point! I can't make you become someone you're not just because we are different. Maybe that is the point."

"What?"

"That we are too different."

"Tanya is all I had left after my parents and I stopped speaking. She is... My best friend for lack of a better word, but I swear to you, it is strictly platonic. And she had no right to go to you in such a way." I stopped pacing and stubbed my cigarette out as I processed what he said.

"There's more, I've just been afraid to tell you... Because I didn't want to loose you now that I finally had you."

"You haven't lost me," I whispered.

Suddenly, realization hit me full force, knocking the wind out of my lungs. What if this, who I was becoming, was who I was meant to be all along? It didn't make me a bad person. It didn't diminish my worth as a woman. God didn't hate me. Some people are different, and that was the biggest point of all.

Edward stubbed his cigarette out and sighed in defeat. Something came over me. It started within my core and slowly spread through my body anew.

"Fuck me," I ordered. My voice didn't waver. Edward cocked an eyebrow in confusion. I stood tall. I wanted to be beaten. I was running away from my old self that no longer was me. I wanted him.

"Please," I begged. Edward's eyes glazed over in desire as he stood up. I ran to him closing the small distance between us that was once as wide as the ocean. My chest slammed into his, rocking my core into its newfound place.

Edward smashed his mouth to mine. My tongue licked and swirled and beat his down forcefully. He tugged on my hair.

"Harder," I asked between kisses. He didn't comply. I broke away to look at him. His chiseled jaw, his beard stubble, the lines that were slowly carving into his perfect skin all looked new to me. He may be a sadist, but I knew he would never hurt me. At least, not intentionally because I knew his heart. And he knew mine as the masochist I was becoming. There was no more shame between us.

"Don't hold back anymore," I whispered. "I want it. I gave you permission before, and now I mean it."

That was his undoing, I knew. He crashed his lips back to mine and yanked my hair. My hands went up his shirt and over his back. He pushed us backwards until my spine slammed into the kitchen counter. It hurt. I didn't stop him. He pulled my pants and underwear off without breaking our kiss. My hands went straight to his jeans, unbuttoning them quickly.

He lifted me up onto the counter. I parted my legs wider in preparation. His kiss devoured me wholly, but I was growing impatient. My hands traveled to his bare ass and I pulled him closer. His dick shoved inside of me. I groaned in long awaited acceptance. My nails dug into his ass while he thrusted into me over and over and over. His hands gripped my upper thighs, locking me in place.

Each pound he forced drew me back to those stars that were slowly becoming more familiar. I scratched his back, and Edward bit down on my neck. I cried out happily. I couldn't stop my moaning.

"Come," He ordered. Edward growled and fucked harder until finally, my body released me into the sky. It was the loudest I had ever came, and I wasn't ashamed in calling out his name. He thrusted once more and filled me with his hot liquid. He didn't cry or yell, but put his mouth to my ear and in a whisper he spoke directly to my heart.

"Bella, I am falling in love with you." I melted around him as the stars released me back to my body. I ached and found that I wanted more right away. I never wanted it to end. I needed him. We pulled apart smiling.

"I want it rougher. I want what you want," I breathed. He crossed his eyebrows.

"I trust you," I admitted aloud. "Show me more." He finally gave me his crooked smile.

"Then I think we will need to go to my place," He replied seductively.

My heat screamed yes. In fact, all of me screamed yes, but just before I could reply, someone knocked on my front door frantically.

"Bella, it's Emmett McCarty. I need to talk."

* * *

**What a cliffy! I mean, what could Emmett want with Bella?**

**It's about time Bella gave in to her true self, eh?**

**Happy New Years Eve my perfect readers! You're the best.**


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16:**

**New Obstacles**

Edward released his hold on my thighs and stepped back to pull up his jeans. I slid off of the counter and gathered my sweats.

"Just a second!" I yelled to Emmett. I put on my bottoms and reached for Edward just when his cell phone rang. We sighed. He took out his iPhone and looked to me worriedly. I glanced over to his screen.

"Tanya," I whispered. Of course.

"Emmett," He reminded me.

"Oh!" I gasped. Edward answered his call as I went to the front door. I heard his brisk hello to her. It made me smile.

Emmett stood on my stoop with an exhausted expression adoring his face. He looked just the same as he did five years before. His stature still astounded me as he stood well over six feet tall. The width of his shoulders had to be the length of my entire torso. I gulped and stepped out of his way for him to enter. His short hair was well clipped, and he wore expensive clothes. He was Rosalie's type, no question.

"Emmett, hi," I said. He noticed Edward and frowned. Would he recognize him? I hadn't thought of that until now. It worried me. Edward got off the phone and looked angry. He walked over to me and Emmett.

"Uh, Emmett, this is-"

"Edward. Yeah, I remember," Emmett said. I didn't detect any venom in his voice as he extended his hand. Edward shook it firmly and nodded with a smile.

"I have to run, babe," Edward said to me. I frowned. So much for more sex. He walked up to me and kissed my head.

"Emmett, make yourself at home, please. There is beer in the fridge. I'll be right back," I told him. I took Edward's hand firmly.

"Thanks, Bella. Take your time."

I followed Edward out to his truck and stopped by the driver door.

"What did she want?" I blurted.

"I need you to meet someone," He started slowly.

"Edward, I already-"

"Not Tanya," He explained. "I meant what I said to you in there after..." He trailed off, wiggling his eyebrows. I laughed and hugged him.

"I am falling in love with you, Edward Anthony Tyler Cullen," I teased. He squeezed my butt and laughed with me.

"I'll meet whoever you want me to meet."

"Good. It's important, and it will explain a lot. I want to tell you, but seeing it might be easier." I frowned in confusion, but nodded.

"When?"

"Come over after work tomorrow? You can spend the weekend." I nodded enthusiastically.

"I'm sorry we couldn't do it again," He whispered hotly into my ear. My heat blazed anew.

"I may have to take care of it myself," I replied in a choked whisper.

"Only if I'm on the phone when you do so," He ordered. I pulled away from him and frowned.

"I was kidding," I said shyly. "I've never... You know," I trailed. His eyebrows wiggled again. "Pleasured myself before," I finished. My cheeks were on fire.

"Never to late to start... As long as I'm apart of it," He purred. It sounded so erotic to do it myself.

"We'll see," I half lied. I wasn't sure what Emmett had to discuss, but I could guess it.

Edward rolled his eyes and squeezed my butt again. I giggled and kissed his mouth before waving good-bye. I watched him reverse out of my driveway before going back to the sad man in my living room. Emmett was on the couch with a beer looking through his Blackberry when I came back inside. He put it down to look at me.

"Thanks for this," He said kindly. "I'm sorry if I interrupted anything."

"No, no," I lied smoothly. "It's alright." I grabbed a beer and joined him on the sofa. Emmett picked up my pack of camels and smirked.

"Never would have guessed this," He teased.

"Only socially," I replied with a laugh. I drank my beer.

"So tell me," I began nicely, "What has brought you here?" Emmett sighed and sat back against the cushions.

"I love her, Bella. I fucking love her as much as I hate her," He voiced sadly. My heart constricted for his pain.

"I'm sorry," I mustered.

"You didn't do anything. She kept it from you, too. And Edward? Jesus, what a mind fuck. Poor guy."

"He's okay. I'm okay. It hurt, but it's done."

"I wish I had the same attitude towards it," He said softly. I sighed.

"It takes time."

"Have you spoken with her?"

"No. I do not care to."

"She misses you."

"Good."

"I miss her."

"You can tell me," I encouraged. Emmett finished his beer and stood up. He threw it away and pointed to my fridge. I smiled.

"Go ahead." He nodded and grabbed another beer twisting off the cap and coming back over to me.

"We had a couple of dates then not long after Christmas, she told me everything from the baby up to your fight with her. She cried. Hell, I cried. My child Bella. My little baby... Died. And I had no idea. I would have been there for her Goddammit!" Emmett's voice was rising with each word in pain. I sat and listened intently as the kind thing to do, because I did care. We drank more beer before he continued.

"We only had sex once. One time. That's all it took. Why didn't she tell me, Bella?"

"Emmett, I will say this, and not as a way to defend her because it was wrong, but she was a young and stupid girl with no parents. A girl who was alone, then suddenly became pregnant. She knew of your scholarship and didn't want to ruin it. She hoped Edward would stay. She chose the easy way out, and that was wrong. She's learned a lot since then in some ways. Loosing the baby wasn't her fault, though."

"I know, I know! I called the doctor. He let me see the file with Rosie's permission. An atopic pregnancy? Fucking Christ."

"It was terrible. We weren't sure she would survive the surgery." Tears from that horrid day filled my eyes, burning my vision. I blinked and wiped them away.

"I've never spoken about it before," I admitted.

"We got in a fight. I found your address in the phonebook. I came straight here. I'm sorry."

"It's okay," I assured. "What are you going to do?"

"What can I do?"

"Well, I suggest that you mend your heart first."

"How?" He choked.

"Talk with her about it. Although, if you decide to never see her again, I will understand why and so will she."

"I do love her but..."

"Take time," I offered. He sighed and his big brown eyes looked over to me.

"Thanks, Bella." I smiled.

"Can I tell you a secret, please?" He asked. I nodded.

"We had sex," He whispered sadly. That wasn't surprising to me nor was something that needed to be kept a secret. I frowned. Emmett took a deep breath.

"The condom broke..."

"Fuck, Emmett!" He cowered under my cry.

"I know, I know. Now you can see why I am so torn here."

"Is she-"

"Too soon to tell," he finished quietly. I took a deep breath and realized that I suddenly missed my best friend. I needed someone to talk to as much as she did, but I couldn't go back if I was just going to be judged.

"I do miss her," I whispered.

"She feels bad, you know. She didn't tell me the details, but she knows she messed up." It made me happy to know that she did not blurt out our reasons for fighting like she did to my mother.

"I still need time," I replied truthfully.

"Yeah, me too," Emmett confirmed. He finished his second beer and threw it away with the other. He rubbed his hands together.

"Thanks for this. It helped."

"For me as well," I admitted. Emmett smiled.

"I hope to see you soon."

"Yeah, let me know what happens?" I asked.

"Hopefully you'll hear it from Rosie. Good to see you, Bella. Tell Edward thanks, too. You know." I nodded and followed him to the door.

Emmett left my apartment and I felt good about things. In fact, it seemed like everything was slowly falling into place. If only I knew what was coming. The biggest obstacles to overcome still laid before me in the darkness. Only now, at least the stars had returned to shed some light.

* * *

**For New Years, and because you guys make me happy! **


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17:**

**A Sadist's Secret**

The following day after work I was on my way to Edward's. The snow storm that was supposed to come down the other day had relented, and was coming today instead. Edward worried about me driving to his cabin, but I assured him that my Volvo would take care of me.

I had a lot to think about recently, so I enjoyed my time alone, but I was having a difficult time focusing. I wanted Edward, and everything else was pointless it seemed. I would do anything, and go any distance to be with him again. Mostly, I needed more sex. It was a hard thing to admit even to myself. As I was slowly learning more about him and about myself, it became easier to allow such things without over thinking.

Of course I still needed more than sex from him, but since he admitted to falling for me, it all became more trustworthy. He wasn't going anywhere as long as I wasn't. His cabin came into view through the low storm clouds as I drove along his driveway. His truck was in the driveway, and the house seemed to be just as I had left it.

I noticed new things about it, though. For example, how the wrap around porch was longer than I remembered. His cabin sat on a good piece of land, and seemed to house horses once. There were a couple lights on, but I could not see through the windows. The storm made the sky much darker than the hour. I parked next to Edward's truck and got out hastily.

I was having an even harder time containing my excitement, and when I saw his perfect face when he opened his front door, my body took over. I ran to him, crashing against his solid chest in the tightest embrace that my small limbs could muster. Edward laughed and held me close. His smell was fresh and musky. His old sweater was warm, his jeans were worn, and his socks were thick. I gripped his hair and sighed blissfully.

Edward set me down and we walked inside. O'Ryan barreled towards me. The large dog almost knocked me down. I laughed as he licked my face.

"Down," Edward told him. He opened the door wide for the dog to go out. He bolted out of the house barking at nothing.

"So glad you didn't slip on the porch again, Darling," Edward teased.

"Oh, my. You are so funny," I replied sarcastically. I hung my coat up on the tack and took his hand. Edward chuckled and pulled me into the kitchen. I grabbed his wine cooler from the counter and finished it off. Edward smiled.

"How was work?" He asked casually.

"Fabulous. You?"

"I'm tired of numbers," He said chuckling. The way his Adam's apple bobbed when he laughed had me staring rudely. Suddenly, my need couldn't go an any longer.

"Let's go upstairs," I said with wiggling eyebrows. Edward laughed loud.

"Your wish is my command," He replied darkly. My body became giddy with anticipation. My mind locked herself away tightly, not returning until it was over with. That was fine by me and my body. Our mind only ruined things for us.

I followed behind Edward hastily. He stopped just before opening his bedroom door and turned to me.

"I have a surprise," He whispered excitedly. "Remember, keep an open mind." Or in my case, an open body since my mind was long gone, I thought. I nodded and peeked inside after Edward opened the door.

I gasped in fear, excitement, and wonder as I took in his new toy. I raised and eyebrow and turned to him after stepping into the room.

"A swing?" I asked.

"Not just any swing," He informed. He walked over to the hanging leather. It was black and bolted into the ceiling high above. Apparently, from what I could tell, the swing was latched to four loops making it easy to remove then replace when wanted. Although, It only looked like a bunch on random straps to me. Edward took hold of the swing and parted the leather.

"A sex swing," He furthered. I gasped again.

"You want to... Have sex in that?" I asked. "But how?" I was pleased to have my wonderment take over for a while. Edward rewarded my open curiosity with his grin of seduction. I melted internally. I knew that he could do whatever he wished, and I would comply. That was masochistic of me, wasn't it?

Edward reached for me. I stumbled over to stand in front of the swing. I touched a strap. It was soft and durable. I could smell the fresh leather.

"It's new," I whispered.

"Yes." I sighed in relief. It had not been previously used by him and... Someone else. I frowned, turning my head to look at him. His eyes were glowing with anticipation.

"This doesn't seem very... Dominant of you." Edward laughed. He laughed hard. Guffaws poured out of his tight chest.

"Come here," He asked through laughing remnants. He pulled on my wrist and walked us over to his bed. We sat down.

"What's so funny?" I asked in annoyance.

"I need to explain something to you," He started slowly.

"My sexual preferences are not quite what you think."

"I looked up BDSM," I admitted shyly.

"And?" He asked, genuinely curious. I bit my lip.

"It all seems a bit strange to me. I don't know if I will ever be able to understand your need to hit someone for pleasure."

"I am a Sadist, Bella."

"I know," I whispered. I tried as hard as I could to hide any sadness from my voice. His index finger reached down to lift my chin up. I was met with warm golden eyes.

"Let me explain," He started.

"From the beginning," I suggested. His smile faded slightly.

I unlocked my mind from her cage. She needed to hear this as much as my body did. Edward took a deep and steadying breath. His elbows rested on his thighs as he hunched forward. I could see his nerves on edge. I glanced down to his pockets and saw his pack of Marlboro's. I reached for one and lit it easily, happy for the calmness it brought. I grabbed one for Edward and lit it, too. He gave me a thankful smile and took the cigarette. We puffed away in silence for a moment.

"I'm not a sadist in the widely misunderstood description of the word." I frowned. He chuckled. "What I mean is, there is much more to it than you think."

I suddenly felt very ashamed. I had viewed his sexual desires the same way Rosalie did. In a way, I judged him, too.

"I'm so sorry," I told him. "I just, went with what people thought of it. That was wrong."

"It's alright, baby. I know you meant no harm."

"Rosalie did. She made it all seem so dangerous and disgusting. It scared me."

"But as I have promised you before, I would never hurt you. That night I spanked you after Chaos was a mistake, and I'll never make it again. I would never do anything you did not want." I smiled in relief.

"I know. But I am curious. I want to make you happy."

"You do."

"Sexually," I added in a whisper.

"You do," He said again only more firm.

"Go on with your explaining," I encouraged. Edward reached for the ashtray. We flicked our cigarettes.

"When I was with Tanya," He started slowly. I couldn't help my slight cringe at the sound of her name on his lips. Visions of them together filled my head, but I would allow them to. It was important for Edward to tell me this.

"She slowly started bringing in new things, new ideas. She was the first woman I had ever been with. We were together for a year. Eventually, she wanted more than I could give her. I couldn't act out rape scenes. I couldn't make her bleed from handcuffs or whips. She went beyond what I could handle. Afterwards, I met Rosalie and tired to rid myself of my dark desires. It didn't work."

"Why? Because you liked to give pain?" I asked, entranced by his story.

"No, because I didn't want to admit it. I wasn't only ashamed, I was afraid that I would never find someone who would feel the same way besides Tanya. The sadist in me isn't only about whipping someone. It is about the trust the partner has in me to do what I want and have no objections. They trust me not to hurt them, but pleasure them in ways they never thought possible. They're lost in passion. They don't question me. That's how it was with Tanya until she wanted more."

"Oh," I replied. Happiness filled me. Excitement began to bubble.

"To let go of ones fear, to allow another to take control? That is what I get off on. The rest is just a bonus."

"Whips?"

"Yes, but no open wounds."

"Handcuffs?"

"Yes, but no bruises."

"Gags?"

"No. I like to hear your screams," He said darkly. I smiled.

"There are many more things, Bella."

"I want to know."

"You will."

"I trust you." I didn't question myself. His face brightened. His eyes filled with love. We finished our cigarettes and stubbed them out. I leaned into his shoulder.

"Can I tell you something dark?" I asked in a whisper. Edward hummed his approval.

"When you spanked me that night," I choked. Edward stiffened beside me. "After you left, I changed clothes. My ass was beat red. The next day there was a small bruise." Edward motioned for me to stop with his hand. I grabbed it and held it tight, bringing it to my chest over my heart.

"I liked it," I said forcefully. His eyebrows raised as I looked up to him.

I shrugged. "I cherished it even. It showed what you had done to me. It showed what we did together. My skin bore something you made. It wasn't abuse. I looked at it a dozen times before it faded away."

Edward smiled softly. I squeezed his hand. Suddenly, his lips were on mine. His own desire crashed with me creating something too powerful to stop. My hands gripped his hair. Edward squeezed my sides and bit down on my lip. I whimpered in delight. He growled wantonly. Just before my hands could reach his pants, his cell phone rang. We both jumped in surprise and pulled apart. Edward took his iPhone out of his jeans pocket and answered breathless. He listened for a moment silently.

"Okay," He said. He hung up. I frowned. He took a deep breath.

"They're here."

"They?" I asked. Edward nodded. I had completely forgotten about me having to meet someone. Edward stood up and took my hands. His face was pained. I touched his cheek.

"What is it?" I asked.

"I want you to know, that whatever happens from here on out, you have my heart. I will understand if you decide to leave me tonight and never return. I wish I was strong enough to say it out loud, but I'm not. Forgive me," He whispered. I frowned. Worry started to suffocate me.

"Edward? Bella?" A voice called from downstairs. My eyes widened in confusion.

"Tanya?" I whispered. Edward watched me carefully. He slowly pulled me into the hall. Suddenly, I heard footsteps running towards us but my eyes were frozen to him. I felt someone beside us. Edward willed my gaze away from him, and I looked around his torso. I gasped, then looked back to Edward befuddled. He held my hand tightly, and tears filled his eyes.

"Daddy?" A small angelic voice asked.

* * *

**Okay, so I know a few of you called it! But, don't get bored with it yet as there are still lots of things to reveal and uncover!**

**Btw... Leather sex swing? Yup! Edward is a sweet sadist, as I like to call him. ;)**

**Btw, remember When Bella called Edward, Edward Anthony Tyler, in the last chapter? That was her teasing him. I didn't add Tyler as a second middle name and replace Masen. Just FYI!**

**You all rock. Any thoughts...? Premonitions?**

**If you're interested for a O/S, I just uploaded my first one called The Grand Affair that was apart of the Stand Up 4 Katalina compilation.**

**xox**


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18:**

**Sick**

My hand instinctively went to my mouth in shock. Edward let go of my other hand and turned around. His back was to me and he knelt down to the small person in front of him. I watched in horror.

"Ali, I want you to meet someone," He told the small girl. She looked over to me. Her glorious eyes were the color of the deepest ocean water. Her skin was pale. On her rosy cheeks she had freckles. Edward turned to me.

"Alice, this is Bella. Bella, meet Alice."

"Hi!" Alice said excitedly. Her beautiful voice broke me from my daze. I blinked then finally smiled. It was a forced smile.

"Hello there," I replied quietly.

"She needs to meet Lamb Chop!" Alice exclaimed. Edward chuckled.

"She's down here, Al," Tanya called. Alice smiled wide and took off away from us.

I peered over the banister to see Tanya eyeing me closely. I shivered. I wanted to hyperventilate, but I couldn't even breath. The small girl had knocked the wind out of me. Alice's long brunette hair flowed through the air as she ran back to me.

"This is Lamb Chop," She told me. I looked to Edward. His tears had disappeared and he was smiling down at her. I bent my knees until I was at eye level with the small girl.

"It's nice to meet you, Lamb Chop," I said to her hand puppet. I could remember the old show fondly.

"She likes you," Alice told me. I smiled my first genuine smile towards her.

It wasn't that I did not like her, or children in general, I just couldn't believe it. Was this why Tanya and Edward broke up? Rosalie suddenly popped into my head. I needed space. I needed time to think. I felt like all the spots lights were on me.

"Bella," Edward addressed softly. His voice was annoyingly comforting. I heard Tanya cough from below. Alice took hold of my hand and began to drag me. I followed behind her, looking back to Edward. He was smiling.

"Let's eat!" Alice yelled happily.

* * *

Hours later, I was well informed on everything Alice hated and adored. She was a brilliant little girl. I enjoyed being around her. O'Ryan never left her side. It was adorable, and it was easy to love such a beautiful little child. We ate chicken and potato's with broccoli for dinner and she helped me and Edward cook. Tanya stayed to herself mostly, but I knew her eyes were on me the entire time. It slowly started to not bother me. Tanya bathed Alice with Edward's help. I cleaned the kitchen and downed more screwdrivers.

Edward carried Alice up to the bedroom I had once slept in. Tanya helped put away the dishes in silence.

"Goodnight, Bella!" Alice called from the room. My heart smiled.

"Goodnight, Alice," I yelled back. "Night, mommy!" She said to Tanya.

"Goodnight, Ali." Tanya smiled to me. Edward closed Alice's door and came into the kitchen. Without Alice around, my mind crashed back into me, demanding answers.

The kitchen was clean. The night had passed by in such a blur.

"Screwdriver?" I asked both Tanya and Edward. They nodded enthusiastically. I made three, and we went to the living room. Edward sat next to me on the couch and took out two cigarettes. I noticed Tanya had her own pack. We smoked and drank in silence before I couldn't take anymore.

"Someone explain it to me, please," I begged. Edward looked to Tanya.

"You have a- I mean, you're a-" I tried but failed.

"Alice is not Edward's daughter," Tanya assured, stepping in for Edward. My train of thought instantly switched tracks.

"She will be six in March." Suddenly the tattoo'd date on my lover's chest made sense.

"I got pregnant by accident, but I couldn't give the baby up," Tanya continued quietly. Edward held up his hand to silence her. He turned to me. I puffed my cigarette.

"I found out about Tanya's pregnancy a few months after leaving Rosalie's house," He said. It slowly began to explain so much more to me.

He continued after exhaling smoke. "I fell in love with Alice. I didn't expect it. I'm sorry for keeping it from you."

"Oh," I whispered. What else could I say? I was angry, but mostly hurt by his actions. Then, I thought again. What claim did I even have to Edward? If he had told me, would I have stuck around? A clear vision of me sitting with Rosalie, bitter and alone for the rest of my life flashed before me.

"It was an accident, of course. The condom must have broke," Tanya informed.

"About a month ago, Tanya grew sicker. She has breast cancer."

That small bit of information changed everything entirely.

"Oh, my God. I am so sorry," I told her softly. She smiled. Suddenly any hatred towards her began to diminish. She cared for Edward, but mostly for Alice.

"Thank you, dear. I gave birth at forty. It was the high estrogen levels that you accumulate during pregnancy that sparked my disease." Tanya stubbed her cigarette out.

"She has had treatment. The disease is too strong." Edward's voice was soft. It hurt me to see his expression. He loved her, I realized it then, but it was a different kind of love.

"I don't have a lot of time left," Tanya whispered. "And I do not have any family."

"I'm in the process of adopting Alice," Edward continued.

Every warning Tanya and Edward had ever given me, fell into place perfectly. The reason Edward still spoke to her. The reason he left in such a rush that day. The reason Tanya warned me. She was going to die. Her daughter would become Edward's. Edward would be a single father. Edward would always have a part of Tanya running around in Alice. Although, because Edward adored her, and would care for her, a part of him would be in Alice, too. What was he supposed to do? Send Alice to an orphanage? Then, I frowned.

"What does this mean for me?" I squeaked. "I don't mean to sound selfish-"

"No, baby," Edward cooed. "It's okay. This is a lot to take in. I could never say it out loud. It was too painful and the details are still very vague."

"I understand now," I told him. I knew that I would not have gotten to experience things in such a way as I have with him, if I had known.

"Edward cares a lot about you, Bella," Tanya voiced strongly. "I just had to know who my daughter was going to be around. I told him to keep her from you. I was worried and jealous. One day I won't be here. But I see now that you're a good woman."

"I understand, and I won't lie to you. My thoughts about you have change as well. I'm very serious about him," I admitted aloud. Edward turned to me. His gold eyes shined. Tanya nodded happily then coughed. It was a deep painful cough. Edward stood up, but she raised her hand and stopped him.

"I'm fine. I should go, though. I'll be back on Sunday." Edward nodded and walked her to the front door.

Tanya put her coat on and turned to face him.

"By the way," She began slowly, "I called Carlisle and Esme." Even from the couch were I still sat, I could hear Edward's growl.

"No," He snapped.

"They deserve to know, and Alice deserves to know them."

"No!" Edward voiced again. Tanya nodded then looked to me pleadingly. I gave her a slight nod, telling her I would try, too. She left Edward and me in the quiet. I heard her engine start, and slowly fade away. Edward came back to sit on the couch. He looked to me with guarded eyes. Suddenly, I felt the freedom to be angry.

"Fuck, Edward," I choked.

"I know, I know," He whispered. He grabbed a handful of his hair and yanked. "What should I of said? Hey, I'm adopting a kid when my ex lover dies? It's all so complicated and I swear to you, we didn't even discuss adoption until I left that day in such a rush. We met with a lawyer."

"Still. It all makes me feel used."

"How?"

"For sex! You still got that out of me, Edward."

"Do you regret it?" He whispered. My face fell.

"No, but If this, whatever we have, even has a chance now, you have to start fucking talking to me."

"You're right." His reply stumped me.

"I'm serious. No more secrets."

"I promise you."

How was I supposed to yell and vent when he said everything an angry person needed to hear? I sighed in defeat.

"I'm not leaving," I told him. His chest eased exponentially. Edward threw his arms around me and held me tight. I could hear his small sobs, bringing tears to my eyes. I cried, too.

"I don't know if I can do this," He said into my neck.

"You can. You're great with her." Edward pulled away to wipe his beautiful face. He shook his head.

"Sure I am. Every other weekend or so. But to do it full time?"

"Shh, you are great. I'll be here to help, baby." He shook his head again.

"No, I cannot ask you to be a mother, Bella."

All of a sudden a spear pieced through my heart. A mother? Me? New tears formed. I cared about Edward. Everything else would fall into place. But were we stable enough to take this on together? Was I ready? If I wanted Edward, Alice suddenly came along with him.

"I want to be here with you. Always," I said through a small sob. "We will sort the rest out as it comes."

"Bella, I love you," He choked. "I love you so fucking much." I wrapped my arms around him.

"I love you," I told him. I had never meant anything so much before. My heart swelled. My eyes burned. My mind and my body were finally content with each other.

"Your parents," I started quietly.

"I can't," He said immediately.

"You need to."

"I know. Will you come?" I was so glad to hear him ask. This seemed like an even bigger step than taking on a child.

"Yes."

"Tomorrow."

"Yes."

"Tanya was my mother's friend, Bella."

"I thought as much."

"We should sleep."

"Okay, but first, I must have you," He said. My body perked up anew. We parted from our hug. My wiggling eyebrows returned.

"No, not like that," He explained. "Just let me hold you. I feel like shit for keeping things from you. I will make it up to you, baby."

"I just want to loose myself in you." Edward pulled us off the couch to lay in front of the fire. Our arms were wrapped securely around one another.

I realized that I was as strong as I was weak. I was blinded by this new love, I knew. Maybe people would judge me. Maybe I am a pushover. Everyone is different and I didn't care about their opinions anymore. This was my life. To love another so wholly, isn't weak. Some people never get to experience it because they're not strong enough to withstand it. Edward was my life. I was not sick. I was not stupid. I was in love. That made me strong.

_"To love another person is to see the face of God." Les Miserables_

* * *

**I loved reading your reviews & I wanted to reply, but I couldn't give anything away! So I updated. I hope this helps explain a lot, and bare in mind, these characters have and will make many mistakes much like people in real life. They're learning.**

**Recap: Edward dated Tanya at nineteen for a year. He briefly dated Rosalie when he was 21. Tanya gave birth when Edward was almost 22. His birthday in June, Alice's in March. He is now 26. Bella is 23.**


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19:**

**Alice**

I stirred sleepily. My body did not want to wake up. Someone was playing with my hair. I smiled softly. Then, I heard Edward's shallow breathing. He was still asleep. My eyes popped open. Alice was sitting next to me looking down at my face. I smiled awkwardly.

"You have pretty hair," She whispered.

"So do you," I whispered back. Alice giggled. I realized that I was laying partially naked next to Edward. I blushed. Alice didn't seem to notice. The throw blanket from the couch covered everything but my shoulders.

I glanced over to Edward asleep on his stomach. I smiled lovingly and looked back to Alice.

"Are you hungry?" I whispered. She nodded enthusiastically. "Okay, why don't you go to the kitchen. I'll be right there."

Alice hopped to her feet, still in her pink flannel pajama's, and ran away happily. I sat up and grabbed my clothes, putting them on as quickly as I could. I kissed Edward's shoulder blade and went into to kitchen. Alice was bouncing up and down on her stool. I went to the cupboard below the counter.

"Fruity Pebbles or Coco Puffs?" I asked her.

"Fruity Pebbles!" She exclaimed. I laughed and took out the colorful box. "Good choice." Alice hopped down from her stool and went to the drawer by the stove, grabbing herself a spoon. She was smart. I poured the cereal into a small bowl then added some milk. I placed it before Alice.

"Thanks, Bella," She whispered kindly.

"You're welcome," I replied. I went over to the coffee pot that was timed perfectly to start brewing at seven am. It was half past that, so it was finished. I poured some into a deep mug and added milk and sugar. Stirring my drink, I went and sat next to Alice.

She chewed with her mouth closed and eyed me suspiciously.

"Are you daddy's wife?" She asked. My stomach fell away from me. I had no past experience with children, but I was realizing quickly that they really did say the darnedest things.

"Um."

"Because wives sleep with the daddy's," She explained. I frowned.

"What's your favorite animal?" Alice's face brightened. Crisis diverted.

"Horses. I want one."

"I love horses," I told her. "I used to ride them all the time."

"Really? Daddy promised to take me riding soon."

"You would love it, Alice."

"You can call me Ali," She said sweetly. I smiled wide. She finished her cereal in a rush.

"I hope you get to be daddy's wife soon," She added nonchalantly.

"Oh?" I squeaked. So much for diversion.

"Mommy is sick, and she said that she would go to heaven soon and watch over me while I live with daddy, but he doesn't like Barbies." My heart swelled and my eyes burned with salty tears. I placed a hand on Alice's shoulder. Her blue eyes poured into mine.

"I like Barbies," I said. "In fact, I still have some of mine from when I was your age."

"Really?" She exclaimed happily. "I brought mine! Do you want to see them, Bella?"

"Of course," I replied.

Alice clapped her little hands and hopped down from the stool. She ran over to the stairs. I watched her in awe. She was perfect. I drank more coffee and put Alice's cereal bowl into the sink when I felt arms wrap around my waste. I couldn't stop my smile. I twisted around to face Edward. He was still groggy with sleep in just his jeans and socks. His torso was warm. I tentatively placed my hand over Alice's birthday that was tattoo'd onto his upper chest.

"She was the prettiest baby I had ever seen," He whispered.

"You were there?" I asked. He nodded.

"Tanya was diagnosed just before giving birth. That's when I knew I could never leave her even though I didn't see her as a partner anymore. Alice needed me."

"She adores you." Tanya would always be a part of Alice's life even after she passed away. Edward would make sure of it.

"And you it seems," He noted. Happiness filled me.

"She is remarkable. Who is the..." I cut off unsure if it was something I should mention or not.

"Tanya had a one night stand not long after our relationship. She contacted him when she found out, but he wanted nothing to do with it. That was fine by us."

"She's your daughter," I stated plain and simple. Edward flashed his teeth at me through his lovely smile.

"I'm sorry again for not telling you," He said shamefully. I touched his cheek.

"Hey, we've both made mistakes. We are where we are because of them."

"I'm sorry you have to be around Tanya. That must be hard."

I sighed. "It was at first, but not anymore. I know that I have your heart."

"Good. Because you do." He kissed my mouth.

"Daddy, quit that!" Alice yelled. I broke our kiss instantly. Edward chuckled. I blushed.

"Bella is going to play Barbies with me."

"Oh, well don't mind me," He teased to her. Alice huffed and went to the living room.

"Duty calls," I told him. Edward slapped my butt playfully. I squeaked and went to play with Ali.

A couple of hours later, Alice and I had played just about every Barbie scenario possible. The storm had passed leaving small amounts of snow in its wake fortunately. We were getting ready to leave when Alice stopped.

"Where are we going again?" She asked. Edward knelt down in front of her to fix her boot lace.

"My mom and dad's house, love," Edward replied.

"What do I call them?"

"Let's let them decide, huh?"

"Will they like me and Bella?" Edward turned to me. I smiled to her assuringly.

"Yes," I told her. I hoped I was right.

* * *

Florence was an hour away from Colorado Springs, and a beautiful drive. The sun was out and the snow was glistening against the naked trees. Pines were thick and lush, it being their favorite time of year. I was growing anxious for Spring. Edward held my hand over the center console of his truck, and something caught my ear.

"Oh, my gosh!" I cried. I instantly reached for the volume nob. I turned back to Alice.

"This song is the first song I ever heard with your daddy," I told her.

"Can you sing it?" She asked giddily from her booster chair. I smiled wickedly and turned to Edward.

"Seriously?" He asked between laughs.

"Oh, it was my jam when it came to you, baby!" Edward laughed harder just as Rick Springfield burst through the speakers. I leaned over to him and sang my heart out.

_"Jessie is a friend, yeah_

_I know he's been a good friend of mine_

_But lately something's changed that ain't hard to define_

_Jessie's got himself a girl and I want to make her mine"_

Edward and Alice laughed happily and by the second chorus, he had joined in with me until I was out of breath. He would stare at the road, then look to me at every other word. His voice was as intoxicating as the world's strongest liquor.

_I play along with the charade_

_There doesn't seem to be a reason to change_

_You know, I feel so dirty when they start talking cute_

_I wanna tell her that I love her but the point is probably m__ute_

I smiled so wide it hurt my face. Alice watched us closely as she clutched her Lamb Chop. She did like me. I found myself falling faster for her than I ever did with Edward. Finally, we all belted out the chorus. Alice sang along not knowing the words, and the three of us had never sounded better. As the song ended, we were pulling up a long gravel driveway. A large pale yellow Victorian house that sat back amongst the trees came into view.

"Wow!" Alice said excitedly. "Daddy! They have horses!"

"Yes, love," He replied sweetly.

Suddenly, two figures appeared on the porch. I noticed Edward's grip tighten immensely on the steering wheel.

"Can we ride them?" She begged.

"Eventually," He told her truthfully. Alice clapped her hands. I continued to stare at his parents. His mother was stunning with chestnut hair that went to her shoulders. Edward's father was as attractive as he was even in his older age. His golden hair was perfectly placed. I took a deep breath and straightened out my green blouse. Edward reached for my hand once again. He squeezed, then released. We were parked, and now we had to get out.

* * *

**Over three hundred followers to this smut! I cannot believe it. You guys are fabulous.**

**What do you think of Alice? How will Edward's parents take everything? Your thoughts really help me shape how things turn out! :D**

**BTW! I sincerely hope that I got Jessie's Girl stuck in your heads again ;)**


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter 20:**

**Riding**

Expectations can ruin a first impression. Sadly, I had this vision of Edward's parent's in my mind, and what was standing before me was the complete opposite. I had to shove my past thoughts away because we were standing in front of them now on their porch. Alice held my hand and Edward's tightly.

"Edward," His father gushed with a smile. My heart stopped at the sound of his voice. A slight Irish accent could be heard.

"Dad, mom," Edward replied. "I want you to meet Bella. Bella, this is Carlisle and Esme." His parents turned to me expectantly. I cleared my throat.

"Nice to meet you both," I told them with a smile. Carlisle extended his hand to me. I shook it politely. Esme smiled but didn't move.

"And who is this?" Carlisle asked, squatting down to be at Alice's eye level.

"I'm Alice!" She said sweetly. "This is Lamb Chop," She explained, holding up her favorite hand puppet. Carlisle smiled showing his fabulous teeth. "And you must be my grandpa." A gasp escaped Esme's lips. I looked to Edward worriedly. He stared down at his father.

"Well, it is very great to meet you," He told her. She shook his hand. Carlisle stood up.

"Come inside," He offered. Edward finally glanced to me. His golden eyes had changed to amber. He was uncomfortable, too. I winked to him. He smiled slightly, and we followed his dad inside.

The house was luxurious, especially on the inside. There was a grand staircase just past the foyer and a chandelier hung above us. It was crystal. We removed our coats and snow covered boots in silence. We followed Edward's parents into the living room and sat on the love seat across from them.

"We've missed you," Carlisle told Edward. His father was sincere. His mother didn't blink. She stared at Alice who sat next to me playing with her hands.

"Alice, do you like dolls?" Esme asked. Alice perked her head up.

"Yes!" She replied enthusiastically.

"Down the hall to the left is a big play room."

"I can show her," I suggested. Esme nodded. I took Alice's hand, and with one last glance to Edward, I followed Ali down the hallway.

I stayed by the door listening to Edward and his parents talk small talk. Alice played happily by herself with an assortment of different dolls. I smiled over to her. She really was something. Suddenly, Esme's voice caught my attention.

"You slept with my best friend!" She cried.

"Esme, please. The child," Carlisle hissed. I listened harder. My stomach began to hurt.

"I'm sorry," Edward replied quietly.

"We know, son," Carlisle voiced.

"She used to baby sit you!" Esme continued. My eyes shot out of my head and my brain went into a dizzy spell. I imagined how horrified I would feel if I was Esme. Luckily, Edward was mine now. The past had passed.

"I was sixteen, mom! What kind of sixteen year old needs a babysitter?" Edward shot back. I could hear Esme start to cry.

"I'm sorry for the hurt I caused. Regardless of the past, Tanya is sick. She's going to die and I am adopting Alice."

"What?" Carlisle asked. "You mean she isn't-"

"No. Not biologically."

"That's a big step."

"I love her."

"And Bella?"

"Yes." Carlisle let out a long breath. Esme's crying slowed.

"It would mean a lot to me and to Alice if we could settle this once and for all."

"I agree," Carlisle concurred.

"Mom?" Edward asked. Esme sniffled.

"In truth, it hurt more to loose you than what your actions did. I may just need some time, but she's a beautiful little girl, Edward. How much time does Tanya have?"

"Months. Maybe," Edward replied sadly. I heard Esme sniffle more. I looked back to Alice who was completely oblivious to any strife or problems existing in the world. It warmed my heart.

* * *

After being invited to stay for dinner, we ate chicken and potato's. Alice was helping Esme dry dishes telling her all about her Barbie collection and Lamb Chop. Carlisle had to take a call in the den, but suggested to Edward that he show me around the house. I leaped at the opportunity to be alone with him. We climbed the grand stair case and I followed him to a room at the end of the hall.

"My room," He told me. I smiled. He pushed the door open and I stepped inside.

Edward's room could easily fit my entire apartment inside of it. There was a queen sized bed against the right wall. Posters from different sports, bands, and horses littered the walls. I stepped in further with my mouth agape. Cd's lined the north wall on a tall shelf and in the corner to the left, a guitar sat on its stand. I turned to him and raised my eyebrows.

"Do you-"

Edward shrugged. "Not anymore." I stowed that away for later. Pictures of my boyfriend from high school and younger filled a large bulletin board.

"Your hair was always wild," I noted aloud. Edward chuckled.

"My father hated it," He joked. I caught sight of a picture that constricted my throat. Edward stood next to Rosalie at the National Park entrance. His arm was draped over her casually. Edward walked over to me.

"I remember that day," I told him quietly. "Rose was so mad at you. She had to wear hiking boots." Edward laughed softly.

"The only hiking she did was to and from the car." I gingerly touched the photo over my best friend's face.

"Have you spoken to her, yet?" My eyes fell and I spun around, not wanting to see her face anymore.

"No."

"Can you forgive her?"

"I miss her, but I don't know if I can. And poor Emmett."

"People make mistakes. Usually the people you care about the most can also hurt you the worst." I looked up to Edward's golden eyes and smiled.

"We'll see what happens," I said truthfully. Edward wrapped his arms around my waste.

"This all feels so real now that you've met my parents," He whispered.

"I know. I want you to meet mine, but I think I should speak with them first."

"However you want to do it, baby."

"How did you get to be so perfect?" I teased. Edward squeezed my sides playfully.

"You bring it out in me." I laughed and he kissed my neck. He moved all the way up, stopping at my earlobe.

"I need you and that swing soon," He purred. My long forgotten heat started to blaze. I gripped his neck.

"Yes," I breathed.

"Daddy, daddy! Nana said I could call her Nana!" Alice exclaimed, barreling into the room. I shoved myself away from Edward in embarrassment.

"That's great, Ali," He told her. He was flustered, too.

"Come on," Alice whined. She took mine and Edward's hands and pulled.

"Papa said we can go see the horses before it gets dark!"

"Okay, Alice," Edward said. "How about you go have Nana help put your shoes and coat on. Bella and I will be right behind you."

"Okay, but don't be late!" She ordered. She bounced out of the room taking any and all light along with her.

"I care about her so much. It happened so fast," I whispered when she was gone.

"She tends to do that," Edward said with a laugh.

"My parents will love her. I just have to explain things first."

"I understand."

"I'll go soon, and maybe you can come later?"

"I have her every weekend until Sunday at five. Tanya will pick her up." I nodded to him. I was afraid of telling my parents. My mother. Would they judge me? I needed them now more than ever for this big step in my life.

Edward took my hand, breaking me free from my caged thoughts and we started to walk out of his room.

"My mother was in day care for a couple of years after retirement. She loves art, you know." I smiled. It would be something Esme and I could discus animatedly.

"And your father?"

"Veterinarian. Equis in particular."

"Wow," I said.

"I was in college to do the same, but lost interest. The rebel years came," Edward teased.

"How long did you attend?"

"More than a few years. I started early at sixteen. I tried to keep it together once I found out about Alice coming. I dropped out after she was born and found this accounting thing online. All I had left to do was take the NAVLE."

We were at the head of the stairs now. Alice and Esme were by the front door with Carlisle zipping up his coat.

"You coming out?" Carlisle asked us. I nodded enthusiastically. Carlisle chuckled. We started down the stairs.

"I used to ride competitively," I told them.

"Edward, too," Esme said. "As well as me and his father. Edward has a couple of trophies." Edward blushed. I smacked his arm playfully.

"I had no idea."

"Ditto," He said, swatting my shoulder.

"I wasn't very good. Its been years and years. It was fun, though."

"Will you teach me to ride Nana and Papa?" Ali asked from below. "I wanna beat daddy." We all laughed and started for the sables out back. Alice gripped my hand and Esme's tightly. Two horses came into view as they ate from their buckets. Alice squealed in delight.

Carlisle and Edward took turns putting Alice on their shoulders. She patted each horse equally, afraid one might notice if she paid more attention to one. Esme and I watched smiling.

"Edward said you own an Art Gallery?"

I nodded. "The Gallery of Art. Silly name."

"I would like to come down and see what you have sometime," She said kindly.

"That would be great. I have a new artist who is extraordinary." Esme smiled to me.

"She's taking everything so well," She said, nodding towards Alice.

"It is remarkable."

"Bella! Nana! Come pet them!" Alice begged. I chuckled and looked down to see hay at my feet. I grabbed a handful and went to Alice who was perched on Carlisle's shoulders. I handed some to Alice.

"Hold your hand out flat, love," I instructed. I did it once before her. The horse hobbled up the hay. Alice mimicked me and the horse took the hay from her small hand. She giggled happily. The large horse suddenly sneezed and blew snot onto Alice's leg and Carlisle's face.

"Ew! Booger!" We all joined in laughter as one at the little girl who brightened everyone and everywhere she went.

* * *

**Ah, my longest and most popular fic yet!**

**I love writing Alice. Aren't ya glad it all went well?! And what about Edward's "almost" degree? Hmm.**

**I love you all & your silly, sweet, and informative reviews! **

**TEASER: Next up? Bella's parents...**


	21. Chapter 21

**Because it is Friday night! Party Hardy!**

* * *

**Chapter 21:**

**Scrabble**

Somehow without my approval, two weeks had passed by in a blur. My gallery received two new shipments which included inventory and open night parties. Connie's art was selling well. She was doing great, and because of her artwork, so was my gallery.

I got to spend the weekends with Alice and Edward. Tanya seemed to be warming up well to me, and me her. She is a great mother to Alice. Each passing day, I found myself even deeper in love with Edward. I wondered if it would ever stop... If I would ever be too full. My heart had only grown in size since meeting Alice.

The only thing that seemed to be missing was sex. I was too afraid of Alice walking in on us now that I had grown so close to her. During the week I was too busy with work. I was hoping for things to settle down soon. It was nice to know that Edward wanted the sex as badly as I did.

It was Sunday, and I had finally managed to narrow down a time and day to meet with my parents. I was excited and nervous. Today I would tell them just how serious things with Edward and Alice were becoming in my life. I had gone through multiple scenarios of what to say, but fell short each time. Finally, Edward had told me to just stay honest, and speak with my heart.

My knees shook slightly as I climbed the steps to my childhood home. I opened the door and stepped inside as a person this house had never known before.

"Mom, dad?" I called.

"In the den," Renee yelled in reply. I hung my coat and took one last steadying breath. It only made me dizzy.

My parents were seated at the dinner table playing a game of scrabble. I took a moment to myself unseen as I watched them. The pair had been married for longer than my existence and not one day went by that I couldn't recall them adoring each other. Their differences only made them fit together perfectly all the more. Charlie suddenly called out a word that didn't exist. He was proud of himself. Renee bickered with him. I laughed and they turned to me.

"Bells, tell your loony of a mother that, 'shoulda' is a word," Charlie begged. Renee rolled her eyes. Still laughing, I went and sat down at the head of the table.

I shrugged. "Sorry, dad," I said shamefully. Renee scoffed and removed his tiles. Charlie huffed in annoyance.

"Where is Edward?" Renee asked.

"Oh, he'll be here later," I assured.

Renee nodded. "You look good, baby," She cooed. I blushed.

"I came here to discuss him actually," I began. Suddenly I had two sets of eyes glued to me intently. My lip quivered slightly.

"I know things didn't start off fabulous with him considering what you both heard from Rosalie, but I love him," I voiced. I sounded much stronger than I thought. I mentally patted myself on the back.

"I am happy," I finished.

"We're happy for you," Charlie replied with a smile. Renee's eyes began to water.

"So then it is serious?" Renee asked hopeful. I nodded.

"That's great!" She said excitedly. Renee rose from her chair and stumbled over to mine, throwing her arms around me.

"I waited so long for you to find someone," She gushed. I patted her back and glared across the table at my father. He was chuckling.

"Don't cry, mom. I'm not finished." Renee sniffled and let go, sitting back down in her chair.

"Go on," She encouraged.

"Well, it's sort of complicated," I admitted. My voice was loosing its strength. They didn't need to know the explicit details, so I would spare them.

"Edward has a friend, Tanya. She's older than him. She's a great woman, and she is battling stage four cancer."

Renee gasped. "That's awful."

"It is," I agreed sadly. "She has a little girl, Alice, who will be six in March. Tanya doesn't have a promising prognosis. Her doctors don't have a very good grasp on her life span anymore," I whispered. My throat was constricting as I thought of Alice loosing her mother. My parents sat in sad stricken silence. I cleared my throat.

"Edward is adopting Alice," I stuttered. I waited for them to respond. Their eyes grew wide. I threw my hands in the air expectantly, trying to grab a response.

"Oh, uh, well that is very good of him," Charlie said.

"I'm glad you told us," Renee added.

I sighed. "It's just that, I'm very serious about Edward. And Alice. And they are with me, too."

"So..." Charlie furthered, spinning his hand through the air. I shrugged.

"Are you ready to be a mother?" Renee asked softly. "And to a child that isn't your own who is aware of that factor?" Charlie's eyes shot to Renee then back to me.

"Wait, are you getting married or something?" Charlie asked in horror.

"No. Not yet at least," I whispered. Charlie clutched his chest is relief. Renee and I both rolled our eyes.

"I need a drink," Charlie mumbled as he got up from the table.

"There is wine in the fridge," My mother told him.

"Ha. I need a beer for this."

"Charles Swan," Renee warned. Charlie didn't listen to her. I laughed accordingly. Renee scooted closer to me.

"Well?" She hedged.

"I love them both very much. I cannot imagine my life without either one of them," I admitted slowly. Renee smiled kindly and took my hand.

"Then the rest is history," She told me. I looked into her green eyes and saw nothing but sincerity. I cried again. Renee hugged me tightly.

"You guys are going to love them."

"I'm sure we will. Is he bringing Alice, today, too?" I nodded excitedly. Renee beamed then frowned.

"We need cookies! And cartoons! Charlie! We've got a baby!" Renee stood up abruptly. I laughed through tears and wiped my face.

My mother didn't judge me. Maybe the thought of loosing me was too scary. Maybe as a mother herself, she understood without me having to explain. Suddenly, the house phone rang. Renee skipped to the kitchen. I quickly took my cell out and opened a new text message to my boyfriend.

.

_It went so good! Hurry up and get here. xo -B_

.

My chest eased exponentially. All of a sudden, I heard my mother's voice. She sounded frantic.

"No, you can't now," She whispered.

"What? When? Okay, yes, yes. I know. It's going to work out."

My stomach churned for reasons unknown.

* * *

Twenty minutes had passed and I was seated with Charlie on the couch with a glass of wine. Every now and then a loud clattering of pans could be heard from the kitchen followed by a swear word. My dad laughed at my mother and her frantic baking.

"Mom, you really don't have to cook!" I said again. Renee cursed. I laughed.

Charlie leaned in, "She'll be doing a dozen Hail Mary's tonight for this." I laughed so hard that it hurt my stomach.

Then, tires over gravel sounded. I leaped upward startling Charlie and set my wine down on the coffee table. I fixed my jeans and sweater, tucked my hair behind my ears, and sprinted for the front door.

"They're here!" I exclaimed.

"Bella?" My mother called still frantic. I didn't reply to her. I ripped the door open and nearly choked on my own tongue as I witnessed Rosalie walking up the steps.

Her face fell then flashed with several different emotions all at once. I was speechless. Her long blonde hair was as straight as sheet rock. Those blue eyes she had, bore red circles beneath them. She looked broken down, alone, and fearful as she locked eyes with me.

"Bella," She said, frozen on the steps. My mouth was too dry to reply, and unanticipatedly, all of my neat scrabble pieces scattered to the ground.

* * *

**Oh, jeez.. Sorry for the cliffy you guys. Prepare yourselves! And hey, don't be mad at me ;)**

**"The best thing about reading is, if you hate it, you can stop reading!" - LOL saw this on Facebook.**

**btw, my iPhone has been changing "waist" to "waste." It wasn't me not knowing the difference! Oops, autocorrect!**


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter 22:**

**Future**

Memories upon memories flooded through my fuzzy brain. The memory of our first Disney Trip, discussing boys for the first time, and always having someone to lean on. Rosalie had been in my life for longer than she hadn't. I only wished that my voice would stay firm.

"Can we talk?" She asked. I frowned.

"I don't know. Can we?" Rosalie shrugged and sat down on the porch steps. I groaned inwardly. I knew this was coming.

I grabbed my coat just as Renee bounded to the door.

"I didn't know she was coming, baby," Renee whispered. I nodded in silence at her and stepped outside, shutting the door behind me. I sat down next to Rosalie and sighed. She played with her hands nervously.

"I'm so sorry," She blurted. I didn't look over to her. "Really, Bella, I am. I was just... Worried. And jealous. He wanted you. He didn't want me. I'm not afraid to admit it anymore because after I hurt you, I realized I had hurt myself even worse." I looked over to her and frowned.

"Because hurting you was the worst pain I ever felt," She explained. I dropped my head in defeat. I was tired of being angry.

"Rose-"

"No, wait. There's more." I relented and leaned back on my hands.

"I told mom that day hoping she could get you to stay away. I was afraid of being left alone if you had found someone else. I couldn't loose you, but in turn, I'm the one that pushed you away. I made a mistake. I am sorry to you and to Edward. I know nothing of his lifestyle choices."

Her apology was disarming and much more sincere than I expected. My heart ached.

"I miss you, Rosalie, I do. I understand that you're afraid. I don't know if things will ever be the same between us, but I don't hate you like I thought I did."

"Thank you," She squeaked.

"I think more time will help. Maybe one day we'll be okay again, but I can't say for sure." She nodded and we grew silent for a moment.

"So, Emmett..." I hedged. Rosalie collapsed. Tears fell and shoulders heaved. I knew her predicament.

"How far along are you?"

"I have a doctor's appointment on Monday."

"And Emmett?"

"He's going with me." She wiped stray tears away.

"You fucked up."

"I know. I blame no one but myself. I'm just trying not to drown."

"Emmett is a good man," I told her kindly.

"You helped him."

"Time heals."

"It does."

Before we could converse any further, Edward's truck pulled in the driveway. Acid filled my stomach. It was painful. I leaped forward and ran down the steps.

Edward turned the engine off and opened his door. I could see his eyes clouded over with uncertainty. I glanced back at Rosalie who stood up from the step. She looked more nervous than I felt. I turned back to Edward and hugged him tightly. Seeing him was like a breath of clean air.

"Bella, Bella!" I pulled from Edward and opened the back door to reveal a little princess. Alice's hair was swept back with a butterfly pin. She wore a jean dress with a purple shirt beneath the jumper. I hugged her tightly after undoing her seatbelt.

"I missed you!" I told her. Alice squeezed my neck.

"Daddy said we get to meet your mommy and daddy!" I set Alice on the ground and took her hand.

"That's right," I told her smiling.

"What can I call them?" She asked. My eyes shot up to Edward's.

"We'll ask them," Edward told her. Ali smiled and noticed Rosalie on the steps.

"Your mommy is pretty, Bella." I laughed nervously.

"That's my friend, Rosie. My mom is inside baking cookies."

"Oh, can I help?" Alice begged. I nodded down to her and we started for the house. I took Edward's hand.

We stopped before Rosalie who was smiling politely.

"Edward," She nodded.

"Rosalie, hello," He replied. I could feel the tension in the air.

"Your daughter is beautiful," Rose said. Edward beamed down at Alice.

"Thank you." I nodded to Rose appreciatively. She was being sincere. An awkward silence passed. Alice tugged on my hand.

"I should be going," Rose said. "Edward, it was good to see you. Bella, thank you"

"Good luck, Monday," I told her. Rosalie walked down past us, stopping midway to her car to turn to us.

"I'm sorry for judging you, Edward. You were nothing but nice to me and I'm glad Bella has you." I squeezed Edward's hand and smiled at Rose.

"Thank you, Rosalie." Edward was kind when he could have been an asshole. He was too kind. Rose nodded and left. I now mentally prepared myself to enter my old home with what was becoming my new family.

* * *

My parents couldn't love Alice any more than they did already in just the couple of hours that we had been here. Charlie spoke with Edward about fishing, sports, and horses, while Alice and I helped Renee finish baking cookies. We were seated at the dinner table eating fresh chocolate chip cookies as a whole. My heart had never felt so full. Alice colored a picture with Charlie and Edward when my mother leaned in to me.

"She is extraordinary, Bella."

"I know, isn't she?"

"Does she know about her mother's illness?"

"Yes, but she only understands as much as a five year old could."

"How do you get along with Tanya?"

"Great, now that I know everything. She's made mistakes, but she's a good woman. A good mother, too." Renee nodded and looked back to Ali. She now played tick tack toe with Charlie.

"Edward seems to adore you, baby. He can't keep his eyes off you, but he's quite the gentleman."

"His parents taught him well," I replied with blushed cheeks. Renee beamed.

"I'm happy for you. You deserve nothing less and you're great with Alice."

"I just hope I can be there for her when Tanya passes. I wouldn't even try to take her place, but I want Alice to be able to trust me and be comfortable."

"I don't think that will be very hard, sweetie." I smiled appreciatively to my mother. She made the future look very bright.

"How did it go with Rosalie?"

"I wouldn't say that we made up, and I still don't feel ready to talk to her regularly, but it's better than it was." I did feel better about Rose. My anger towards her was poisonous to my body. Suddenly, Charlie's conversation with Edward piqued my interest.

"Yeah, as long as I don't see her hurt," Charlie grumbled. He was trying to be tough. It was more like cute.

"Never, sir," Edward replied firmly. I locked eyes with my boyfriend and we shared a silent moment across the table. There needed to be a new word invented for how I felt towards him. Maybe sometime in the future there would be.

* * *

** Okay, so Bella didn't jump right back onto the best friend wagon with Rose, but at least she isn't angry anymore!**

**Thoughts?**

**xx**


	23. Chapter 23

_I claim nothing twilight. All that stuff goes to SM._

* * *

**Chapter 23:**

**Inevitable**

Today was the day. In fact, I was in the moment. I waited patiently on Edward's bed while he put the leather swing up securely. Finally, after another couple of weeks, I was here with him. The swing was as desperate to be used as I felt. Edward finished his task and looked over to me. I winked playfully at him.

We had managed to have sex every so often in the past weeks, but nothing to this extent. I felt like it was just me and Edward again. Worries of work, child care, and friends faded away with the rest of the world. Those things weren't allowed in when Edward and I were together alone. Spring was on the horizon, and I couldn't wait to experience anything and everything with him that we had yet to.

I stood up from the bed and removed my shirt, then my jeans, and left my underwear. Edward, in just his boxers, sauntered over to me. Goosebumps raised over my exposed skin. When his fingers traced across my stomach, my breathing hitched. Edward chuckled quietly, took my hand, and led me to the swing.

I felt ready. My want overrode any doubts I may of had before this. Sex in a swing just didn't seem like it would be very functional. Edward parted the leather straps.

"Remove your underwear," He told me. I blushed, but complied. Edward stared at my naked body adoringly for a moment.

"Each of your legs goes through here," He explained softly. With one more steadying breath, I put my legs in through the straps. I stood with my legs parted, leather keeping them that way. Edward removed his boxers. The lamp on his bedside table provided just enough light for me to see his already erect piece. Want burned through me painfully.

Edward stepped through the leather. I kept a tight grasp on the straps next to me. I was worried that I may faint from excitement. Edward suddenly sat back.

"Now, your legs go over mine and you place them there. Pretend you're mounting a horse," He teased. I laughed nervously and pulled myself up to lay my legs over him.

"Now, sit back," He told me. I did, and I instantly felt his dick meet my center. The leather pushed into my ass.

"Ready?" He asked. He took hold of my waist.

"Ready," I confirmed. And with that, I eased down. Edward filled me. Comfort and longing flooded into me happily. Edward groaned. I held onto the straps tightly and wiggled my legs further up. It really was like straddling him on a normal surface except that my legs were dangling in the air.

Edward leaned to lick my nipple. I gasped. I need movement. I needed friction. My hips ground over him as much as they were able. Edward noticed my wanting and slowly began to move us in the swing. It was odd at first. I felt slightly dizzy but being connected with Edward put a stop to that quickly. When he moved, I moved. Finally, he began to swing back and forth. Each sway had him pushing deeper and deeper into me. He grabbed my breast. My hands constricted around the straps. I wanted to bite down on them to suppress my cries of pleasure.

We swayed back and forth each time binging us closer to our release. Edward moaned. It was the sexiest of sounds. He managed to keep us swinging, and reach around to smack my ass. The leather overtop of my cheeks bit into me. It was more than erotic.

"Again," I breathed. Edward growled. Just when his dick shoved deeper, his slapped my ass. I cried out.

"I'm gonna come," I told him. I was partially ashamed for not being able to last longer.

"Good," Edward breathed. "I can't take much longer." Laughter rippled though me. I ground my hips as hard as I could with each swing. I grabbed a fistful of Edward's copper locked and pulled just as he spanked me once more. We both shattered around each other in the most heightened orgasm I had ever experienced.

The pleasure seemed to go on forever until finally, it released us. My body collapsed around him. Edward stiffened under the pressure and rubbed my back. After a while, the leather began to hurt, so we parted ourselves from it. I hobble over to the bed and sat down. Red indentions marked my ivory skin. I smiled. Edward lit two cigarettes and sat down beside me.

"Well?"

"I loved it," I admitted truthfully. A look of pride came over my boyfriend's face.

I puffed my nicotine and turned to him smiling.

"Do you know what today is?" I asked giddily.

"Uh, Friday?" He offered. I laughed.

"March tenth. My first email to you was December tenth."

"Holy shit. Time flies," He replied dazed. I hummed in agreement.

"Baby," He asked.

"Yes?"

"Are you happy?" I didn't even have to ponder his question.

"Very," I replied. Edward took another hit of his cigarette and smiled.

"How did I get so lucky?" He asked.

"There is no luck in fate, baby," I told him. "I don't know what I would do without you and Alice."

Edward's gold eyes pierced through mine and he kissed my mouth. I laughed when his beard stubble tickled me. My face fell slightly.

"Tanya is getting worse," I whispered.

"I know," He replied dead panned. "I don't know what I can tell Alice."

"The truth, baby. She will get through this. She has you." Edward sighed and put his cigarette out next to mine.

"Never in my life did I think I would be a father. Not that I didn't want kids, I just never saw it happening for me. Then Alice came along. She slowly started to change everything, but what if I'm not right for her?"

"You are," I said forcefully. I laid on his chest and traced patterns over Alice's birthdate. She would be six in seventeen days.

"But this is someone's life we're talking about, Bella. You know what I mean? I'm supposed to raise her up into the woman she will one day become. What if I fuck it all up?" He groaned. "What if adoption would be better?" He choked his last sentence out. I sat up abruptly and looked deep into his eyes.

"No. Every parent worries about these things, Edward. Alice is smart, kind and funny. She would be devastated without you."

Edward relented his negative thoughts and pulled me to his chest tightly. I knew this was going to be a struggle, but that is the risk you take when caring for another.

"I always want to be with you," He whispered.

"I'll never be anywhere else," I promised. He squeezed me.

"Let's get married," He said sleepily. I laughed and nudged my shoulder into him.

Then, Edward's cell phone rang. He grabbed it from the bedside table and answered it groggily. His face full of contentment fell far away leaving nothing but agony. Edward got the call that we knew would arrive inevitably, but you're never quite prepared for a tragedy when she strikes.

* * *

**Yay! Swing sex!**

**ha. Okay, getting into some sadness... Prepare yourselves!**


	24. Chapter 24 Hallelujah, I'll Fly Away

**WARNING: For those who have any issues with death, I suggest you skip this chapter.**

* * *

**Chapter 24:**

**Hallelujah, I'll Fly Away**

White tile floors burned my eyes as the florescent lighting above bounced off of them. The sounds of hearts, coughs, and Latin term medial phrases passed through my ears every now and again. I had fallen asleep once or twice. It was five in the morning on Monday March eleventh. How could such a wonderful night with my love turn to this tragedy so quickly?

Edward and Alice stayed with Tanya in her room. I gave them space. I didn't feel the need to be in there. In all honesty, I wasn't sure I could handle it. Death had somehow never touched my life before so closely. I didn't count loosing my dog at twelve. When the life of another human ends, and ends too soon, what is there to feel? What is there to do?

Tanya wouldn't be in pain any longer. That's what I thought about mostly. I peeled myself off of the lounge chair and stumbled over to the coffee center. An elderly black man came up beside me. I scooted over after pouring my cup and grabbed the powdered creamer. The man had long dreads and used a cane to walk.

"You been here long time," He croaked. His voice was as rough as sand paper. I smiled softly after a deep yawn.

"Yes."

"You're sick?"

"No. A... Friend of mine is sick," I whispered. I cleared my throat.

"What they got?"

"Breast cancer."

"Ah, the cancer. The devil's illness." I finished stirring my drink and passed him the creamer. He shook his head.

"Black coffee," He choked. "Good for the heart." I nodded slowly. The old man hobbled to one of the waiting room chairs and sat down exasperated. I joined him.

My coffee was hot, burning my throat and igniting my stomach. It felt good.

"You talk in your sleep," He said.

"Oh?" I blushed crimson.

"Mumbo jumbo."

"Oh," I said relieved.

"The name is Laurent Sparks."

"I'm Bella," I replied. The man nodded politely. His hands bore wrinkles that were much older than I was. I wondered what stories they held within them. He sipped his coffee.

"Are you sick?" I asked.

"I live on the third floor. Doc says it could come any day."

"It?"

"Death."

"Oh," I said again, only this time because I was dumbfounded. I sighed.

"I never know what to say," I whined quietly.

"You don't gotta say anything, Bella child. It is what it is."

"But my friend... She's really sick. Doctors say she won't live anymore either."

"Darlin' there ain't nothin' to say when death comes along. Try sayin' Hallelujah." I frowned.

"Pardon me?"

"We all head to a much better place up above."

"Oh." My heart broke apart. I had not even prayed, nor thought of God in a long time. My hand instinctively went to my St. Christopher. Laurent looked over at it.

"See. You believe."

I shrugged. "Not very well."

"Only takes a little. Who's your friend?"

"Tanya. My boyfriend, Edward, is a friend of hers. Tanya has a little girl named Alice who he is adopting. We're here to say goodbye."

"Ah. A child? Tanya served a great purpose." I smiled lightly.

"She is a wonderful little girl."

"Have you said goodbye?"

"No. I don't know what to say."

"Say what your heart tells you."

"All I get is, 'I'm sorry,' or 'It'll be all right,' or 'Hang in there.'" Laurent chucked beside me.

"Hallmark cards."

"Hell, even 'Get Well Soon' flashed across my mind," I said, laughing along with him. Laughter spread through my aching veins. It felt good. We drank more coffee.

"When people are about to die, they just want you to listen to them. You'll know what to reply with when it comes." My heart slowly began to piece back together.

"Thank you," I said. Laurent smiled a nearly toothless smile at me. It was warm and kind.

I glanced back to the hall and suddenly saw Edward. His eyes were dark. His cheeks seemed more pronounced. He carried Alice in his arms. I stood up quickly, and scrambled over to them.

Edward smiled. "Hey, baby. Alice and I are going to get some orange juice. We'll come say goodbye afterwards. Tanya wants to see you." I swallowed hard.

"Okay," I squeaked. Edward kissed my forehead and walked past me. Something quiet slowly wafted through my ears as I started down the hall. I frowned, stopped, an turned to Laurent who was still in his chair sipping his coffee. His dark eyes met mine. I pointed upward to the speaker as Jeff Buckley slowly played his tune. Laurent smiled a brilliant smile and raised a hand to me. My heart filled with love.

_Maybe there's a God above_

_All I've ever learned from love_

_Was how to shoot at someone who outdrew you_

_And it's not a cry that you hear at night_

_It's not somebody who's seen the light_

_It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelu_jah

I waited out the lyrics of the song and went to see Tanya. Her room was dim and warm. It was as inviting as it wasn't. I shivered against the heat and wrapped my arms around myself. My coffee sloshed. Tanya laid in a large bed hooked up to many machines. Her chest wheezed heavily. Tears already came to betray me. I swallowed hard and took a seat in the chair beside the bed. Tanya slowly turned to me.

"Bella." Her voice was so quiet.

"Hi," I breathed.

"I wanted to thank you for not leaving Edward. I'm sorry I made him keep Alice from you." I started shaking my head profusely.

"Tanya, I can't," I choked out painfully. She shushed me softly.

"Alice needs you, Bella. You will teach her wonderful things."

"No, she needs her mother," I cried.

"I've accepted my fate. I brought her into this world, and you and Edward will carry her out. I have faith."

"I will do my best," I promised. I bowed my head onto her forearm. It was cold and soothing. Suddenly, the door opened. I waited to feel Edward's hand on me. It never came. Tanya gasped. I lifted my head to see her best friend, Esme Cullen sit on the other side of her. My tears only came down harder, now. Esme smiled to Tanya and took her hand.

"Esme," Tanya voiced.

"Hey, Tanny," Esme replied softly.

"I thought I would never see you again."

"I've known you all of my life. I remember our first hello, and I'll be here for the good-bye." Tanya cried with me now. Esme soothed her by stroking her hair.

"Alice," Tanya said.

"Will have a beautiful life and grow to look just like you, Tanny. I'll be there to watch just like you will from above us." Tanya nodded quietly. Rosalie came into my mind. It seemed like a life time ago since our fight. What if I never saw her again after everything we ever experienced together as one? What if I only got my hello? I realized that forgiveness is golden, and that it is all right to not forget things that happened. I knew now like I did when I was a toddler that Rosalie would always be in my life. Whether we fought or laughed, it would be sacred. Life was never long enough.

Just then, the door opened and Tanya's doctor came inside. His name was Jasper Hale. He came from the south and was incredibly young, but smart, so none of us worried about his credentials.

"It's time," Doctor Hale said quietly. Edward and Alice appeared in the doorway. Alice jumped out of Edward's arms and I stood up. I backed away so that Alice could jump up by her mother's side.

"Nana," Alice whispered.

"Hi, sweetheart," Esme replied. Alice laid her small head down on Tanya's chest.

"Can we sing it now, mommy?" Alice asked. Tanya chuckled through her agony.

"Yes," She rasped.

Doctor Hale gave us all a parting smile and walked over to her monitor. I would not look at his actions. I leaned against the wall and closed my eyes. Somehow, Edward's hand found mine. I gripped it tightly and suppressed my cries. I looked back to Tanya who looked to Esme, to me, to Edward, then to Alice and smiled beautifully. She placed her hand over her daughters back and rubbed it soothingly.

After a moment, Doctor Hale left the room. It had been done. It would end soon. Tanya's breathing grew louder. Then, an angel started to sing.

_"Some glad morning when this life is over, _

_I'll fly away; _

_To a home on God's celestial shore, _

_I'll fly away"_

Esme couldn't contain her tears any longer.

"Her favorite song," She said. Tanya nodded slowly. Alice continued her singing, and Esme joined her. Edward's chest racked from beside me. I tightened my grip on his hand and decided to sing, too.

_I'll fly away, fly away, Oh Glory _

_I'll fly away; in the morning_

_When I die, Hallelujah, by and by, _

_I'll fly away_

_When the shadows of this life have gone, _

_I'll fly away; _

_Like a bird from prison bars has flown, _

_I'll fly away"_

I suddenly realized that the song wasn't about death, but about life. The new life beyond this one. Alice's voice faded away just as Tanya's breathing stopped. She sobbed into her mother's chest. We stayed in the room, crying silently for a long time until Alice was ready to leave. Just before exiting, Alice, who was clutched to her father's torso, whispered softly, "I'll see you soon, mommy.

* * *

**You all better be crying. I couldn't even BETA it without sobbing. It was difficult to write, but it came from my heart as a mother, a friend, and a daughter.**

**I hope you enjoyed Laurent, and Doctor Hale... And the songs that I'm sure you all know.**

**You knew it was coming. Fret not, & dry your tears because there is more to come soon.**

**Please feel free to check out my new story, Vegas in July that I just uploaded. xxoo**


	25. Chapter 25: Aftermath

**Chapter 25:**

**Aftermath**

When there is pain, nothing else matters at the time. You'll never be able to avoid it, you'll never forget it, you just have to make room for it. That's what we were all trying to do. The funeral for Tanya was small and tasteful. Now we worried that Alice was flooded with more pain than love, no matter how much love we gave her. She grieved in stages.

Week one was the hardest. We moved all of Alice's things over to Edward's, while Tanya's apartment was being rented out to another. She stayed in Edward's bed, barely ate, and barely spoke unless she was singing, "I'll Fly Away." Edward and I both were at a loss as to how to comfort her. She wouldn't say her mother's name, and she'd yell at us when we would. We looked online and in books and asked family members for tips but most of them said the same thing. We would have to wait it out.

By week two, Alice cried and didn't stop. She started to have nightmares where she would wake up sobbing and calling for her mother. Edward and I both slept in his bed with her. At least she had started to eat. Alice passed up her own birthday. She would perk up a little when mine or Edward's parents visited, but not much.

Spring came and the weather slowly started to warm up. Week three was when Alice threw fits at random times if she didn't get her way. At six years old, she was already stronger than I was. Edward and I continued to talk about Tanya. It was slowly beginning to help. She got out of bed, ate regularly, and would talk nonstop about memories spent with Tanya.

It took Alice a month to come around. She would never be the same, we knew that, but by week four she was smiling again. We watched home movies everyday. I took time off work to be around more. It was really draining Edward, and I wanted to be there for him and for Alice. She let us hug her, play with her, and talk about her mother without any protest. It was the middle of April, and we were in the guest room. Alice was told to wait in Edward's room until we told her to come out. Little did she know, Edward and I had bought paint, a new bedroom set, and stencils to decorate what would now be her room. Edward wanted to make it for her. The bed was set up and I had laid her new comforter set down. Edward moved the dresser and night stand to their right places. It took us two straight days to paint it all. Alice had tried sneaking in a dozen times. Luckily today, It was finally done.

Edward and I stepped back feeling accomplished. He took my hand.

"We do good work."

"That we do, sir. Alice is going to love it."

"I just wanted her to feel more at home," He said quietly.

"And she will. In fact, I spoke with your dad when he was here last week."

"Oh?"

"I have an idea for her birthday." Edward grew curious and looked down to me with his perfect eyes.

"Well, you have all this land... What if we got a horse?" Edward's face lit up.

"See? What would I do without you? I had been racking my brain for a birthday gift, but came up with nothing!" Edward tickled my side. I laughed and pushed him away playfully.

"I think that is a great idea. She can learn to ride and to care for it properly." I nodded excitedly.

"Your dad's Bay had a baby in February, and she's old enough to let go."

"Perfect. It's perfect. We can start setting it up soon. Oh, and I meant to tell you," He started then hesitated. I waited patiently.

"I did some research online. I would need to retake two classes then the exam, and I would have my degree." I couldn't contain my excitement. I jumped up and down and hugged my boyfriend.

"Dr. Cullen! How sexy is that?" I cooed. Edward blushed and kissed me. It was a slow passionate kiss filled with nothing but the love from our hearts.

"Can I come in yet?" Alice whined from the hall. Edward and I laughed. He released me and went to the door.

"Okay, ready Ali?" Edward asked excitedly.

"Yes, yes!" I could hear her clapping. Edward ripped the door open. We watched Alice's face light up brighter than the sun. She dashed into the room.

"Wow!" She cried. She went to the bed, to the nightstand, to her dresser then to her toy box examining it all with a bright smile. When she took in the wall, she stopped.

"Did you paint?" She asked.

"We did," I told her. Alice turned back to the wall. It was lavender with unicorn's stenciled in silver glitter.

"Here's the best part," Edward said. He went and closed her curtains. I kneeled down behind Alice and took her in my arms. Edward turned the light switch off. Alice gasped in aw as the unicorns glowed in the dark.

"Do you like it?" I asked.

"Yes. It's perfect!" She exclaimed. "I can play and have friends over and everything!" She hugged my neck then ran to Edward just as he turned the light back on. She jumped into his arms and whispered something in his ear. He nodded to her. I cocked my head in confusion.

"When will you move your stuff in, Bella?" Alice asked demanding an answer. All the color rushed from my face to the ground. Edward smiled, set Alice down, and walked over to me.

"Will you move in with us, too?" Edward asked with puppy dog eyes. I smiled widely. Alice bounced on her new bed.

"Then we could have sleep overs every night, Bella!" She said excitedly. I giggled and turned back to Edward. I nodded furiously. Edward beamed and scooped me up in his arms. I cried out in laughter. Edward carried me to Alice's bed. His little girl jumped on his back. He faked pain trying to carry us both. This was a new start. In the aftermath of a large loss, we would become a family. Edward, me, Alice, and Tanya.

* * *

**Moving in! Too soon? Just right? Exciting none the least!**

**Alice and her sweet heart. xxoo**

**P.S. In your reviews, or you can PM me, I am curios. You know I update frequently. Are you all able to read the most easiest at night? Morning? Weekends?**

**I updated Chapter 2 of my new fic Vegas and July! Take a gander ;) it's dark, sad, beautiful and full of heart. It's about life. **


	26. Chapter 26: Angels

**Chapter 26:**

**Angels**

Work at the gallery had finally begun to slow down for me. After two new art openings this week, I was spent. At least I had managed to get most of my apartment packed. Plus, it was Friday, and by Sunday, I would be moved in with Edward and Alice.

It was a large step, I knew. It helped that I spent nearly all of my time over there anyway, so it wouldn't be too drastic of a change. My mother thought that it was fabulous. She even held her tongue on the whole, we're not married yet part, which I knew was tough for her to do. She, like Charlie and Edward's parents, only seemed to care about Alice, now. I wasn't complaining. My mother coerced with Esme and enrolled Alice in ballet. Of course the little princess fell in love with it.

As long as she was doing all right, so were Edward and me. He would have his degree by the start of summer and I could not be more proud of him. He was the strongest man I had ever known.

I was finishing my day at work slowly. Connie sat next to me behind the counter filling out some extra paperwork that I needed from her. Esme had bought two pieces of her painted feathers. The radio played quietly and something caught my ear. I leaned over and turned the volume up. It was Jeff Buckley's song. The same song I heard at the hospital that day.

My mind flew to Laurent and how much he had helped me. I wanted to thank him. I picked up the work phone and dialed 411 to connect me to the hospital. It took only a moment before a young lady answered.

"Yes, hi," I said. "I would like to send flowers to one of your patients. His name his Laurent Sparks and is on the third floor, but I don't know which room number."

"Laurent Sparks," The nurse clarified. I could hear tapping on the keyboard.

"I'm sorry, but we have no record of anyone under that name."

"Maybe he checked out?" I asked. I heard more typing.

"No record of that name ever," She stated. "May I suggest trying another hospital? I can connect you."

"Uh, no. Thank you anyway," I said distantly. I hung up the phone and frowned. He was there next to me in that waiting lounge. I smelt his black coffee, I saw the wrinkles in his hands. Was I crazy? Did I imagine it? My hand flew to my neck where St. Christopher hung.

"Everything okay, honey?" Connie asked.

"Connie, do you believe in angels?" My question didn't seem to faze her as she answered immediately.

"I've seen too much not to. Why?"

"I think one helped me," I said quietly.

"You must have needed it."

"I did." Connie smiled to me. I smiled widely to myself, then to God praying a silent due of gratitude.

* * *

My apartment was a disaster. Edward was on his way over with his truck to gather my last bit of boxes. I walked around my home for what would be the last time. It was bittersweet. Fatty called to me angrily from his carrier. It made me chuckle. My only hope was that he would get along with O'Ryan. He already loved Alice. If only he wasn't too heavy for her to pick up.

I checked each room twice to make sure things were clean. Eventually, I took a seat on the floor next to Fatty to wait for Edward. I took out my iPhone and noticed the date. After work on Friday, Renee called me. I filled her in on the latest of my life and she asked to take Alice to Ballet practice next week. Of course, she mentioned that Rosalie was finding out the sex of her and Emmett's baby Friday, too. I hast thought about it until now.

Rosie had respected my wishes. She had not called not texted me since I saw her at my parents. It didn't make me forget the shitty thing she did, but it made thinking about her easier. Still on the floor next to my fat cat, I chugged some blue Powerade and opened a new iMessage to my long lost friend.

.

_Mom told me about your apt... So what is the verdict?! -B_

.

Her response was almost instant. iMessage served its speedy purpose.

.

_It's a girl! Emmett is ecstatic. Thanks for asking, Bella. -R_

.

_Congratulations, really. To the both of you. How far along are you? -B_

_._

_Four and a half months. -R_

.

Before I could respond, Rosalie sent a picture. I enlarged it and smiled widely at her little baby bump. She was one of those women where pregnancy only suited her attributes more perfectly.

.

_Baby bump! -B_

.

_Mom is already planning the shower. I am sure you'll get an invite in about four months if you're up for it. -R_

.

_I wouldn't miss it. Tell Emmett hi for me. -B_

_._

_I shall. x -R_

.

_o. -B_

.

It was another step in the right direction even if I was still taking things slow. Our lives were changing, and I was accepting that. Rosalie was, too, I think.

Just then, a knock sounded on my front door. It startled me. I hopped up and opened the door to my beautiful boyfriend. Edward grinned. I hugged his neck and he stepped inside.

"All ready?" He asked.

"Yup," I replied beaming.

"Good. Esme is making dinner with Alice for us."

"Perfect!" Edward took my hand and kissed my palm. I melted.

"Are you sure you're okay with all of this? It isn't too fast?"

"Baby, I think fast went out the window months ago during an intense snow storm." We chuckled and grabbed what was left in my old home, and put it in Edward's truck.

Driving towards my new home with my boyfriend's hand in my lap, I breathed a heavy sigh of contentment.

"Carlisle said that we can move Alice's horse over soon. Esme will take her to spend the night with her next Friday, so that I can fix up the fencing and stable."

"Can I help?"

"I was hoping so," He smiled.

"You know," I lowered my voice, "I've always wanted to do it in a barn." Edward squeezed my hand.

"I was hoping you'd say something like that." I winked to him and slammed my legs closed. We were pulling up our driveway. Our cabin. Our land. We didn't need a marriage certificate to clarify our love or our life. I had angels above me, and somehow they had led me here to this, the person I was meant to be.

* * *

**One chapter left... Your love on this story really fills my heart! And I hope you jump over to Vegas in July! xoxo**


	27. Chapter 27: Honey

**Chapter 27:**

**Honey**

It was the warmest day the new year had seen yet. Of course, sixty eight degrees wasn't very warm to some, but it was to Coloradans. Storm clouds loomed in the distance. Spring rain was on its way sending waves of low thunder. Edward assured me that the rain would hold off for another couple of hours.

We had been outside in t-shirts fixing broken fence posts, and cleaning the stalls since dawn. Seeing Edward work so hard and enjoy himself was a sight to behold. He caught me staring at him and peered over the stall door.

"What?" He asked with a smirk.

"You really are a cowboy, you know."

Edward chuckled. "Finally."

"I'm so excited for Alice."

"Me, too. Carlisle should be here anytime, now." I finished putting the tack room together and joined Edward in the stall. He handed me a broom and we swept together.

"Bella?"

"Hmm?"

"What do you think about marrying me one day?" Edward spoke in a forced Irish accent. I laughed.

"I'm serious, though," He added. I stopped sweeping to look into my golden eyes that he held.

"I think I would enjoy being Mrs. Cullen one day." Edward beamed. He dropped his broom and swept me up in his arms. I kissed his mouth hotly. I could feel his crotch against me. It was growing harder each time my tongue stroked his.

I wanted him, though I had just had him this morning. Would my meter ever be full? Would this drive ever slow? I suddenly hoped it would not. Edward, still holding me, allowed me to twist until I could wrap my legs around him. His erection was right on target, now. I gasped. Edward squeezed my ass and slowly started to move me. I pulled away from his kiss. Rubbing against him in such a way would no doubt undo me.

"What about you?" I asked.

"Not enough time for both," He said smiling.

"I'll pay you back," I teased.

"I know you're good for it." Edward moved me again. His stone hard dick rubbed over my heat covered spot. I moaned slightly and crashed my mouth back to his.

Something about what we were doing, and where we were doing it, had my nerves on high alert. I would come quickly. I had to before Carlisle arrived. If I didn't, I would be left aching, throbbing, hurting. I smiled through our kiss and grew closer to my release. Edward's mouth went to my ear. His hot breath was marvelous.

"My baby," He cooed. Moans escaped my throat. Edward moved me up and down quickly. I grabbed the stall bars behind his head and gripped them tightly. I threw my head back in ecstasy. Edward kissed my neck and I came. I shouted silent cries of pleasure.

Edward held me until I was able to stand.

"You okay?" He asked.

Breathing hard, I smiled, "I might need fresh panties," I replied shyly. Edward laughed and took my hand. Just after kissing my palm, tires over gravel came to our ears. I blushed and fixed my hair and clothes quickly.

Carlisle pulled up to the barn in a large white Ford with a trailer attached. Edward opened the barn doors and guided Carlisle as he backed the trailer in. He hopped out of the truck and hugged his son. I smiled at the sight. He smiled and nodded to me.

"She's a beauty," He told us, motioning towards the trailer. Edward walked around and unlatched the gate. A young palomino stood alert of her new surroundings.

"She's becoming a good little mare," Carlisle told us. Edward unhooked her bridle and walked her out of confinement.

"She's stunning," I told them.

"Alice with love the star on her face," Edward noted.

"I brought feed and hay enough to last a few days until you take Alice to the feed store."

"Thanks, dad," Edward said. I walked up and stroked the horse's long face. She was kind and her eyes were the color of mine. Her coat however was golden like Edward's eyes. I loved her already.

Another car started up the long drive.

"My parents," I said.

"Good, they'll be here, too?" Carlisle asked. I nodded.

"When will Alice?" Edward asked.

"Twenty five minutes or so. I spoke to your mother almost half hour ago and they were leaving the house."

"Perfect," Edward and I stated in unison.

My parents pulled up to the barn in their SUV. Renee jumped out and came over to us quickly. She studied the horse with wide eyes.

"Wow, she is stunning," Renee breathed.

"Come pet her, mom," I told her. The horse nuzzled my shoulder. Charlie popped the SUV trunk open and got out a large crate. He walked over to Carlisle and Edward, shaking their hands kindly. I watched as the three men in my life conversed so easily. Charlie pulled out a new purple bridle and reigns for Alice. It matched the saddle that Edward and I had purchased for her earlier in the week.

With all five of us pitching in, we had everything finished when Esme's car pulled up the drive. The closer she got, the closer Alice's face could be seen. She was bouncing up and down in her seat with Lamb Chop. She knew something was up. We had the horse secure in her stall waiting to meet her new owner. Esme helped Alice out of her seat and took her hand. We all tried to stifle our smiles and excitement. She skipped over in dark jeans, pink cowgirl boots and a bright purple t-shirt.

"Daddy!" Alice exclaimed. She hugged Edward tightly. He leaned down and kissed the top of her head. Her long hair was french braided.

I kissed Alice's cheek before she went and said hello to everyone else. It got quiet after a moment and Alice stared curiously at us all. Edward went and took her hand.

"Ali, we have a late birthday surprise for you," He said. The little girl's face lit up like a Christmas tree. Edward knelt down behind her and tied a yellow bandana over her eyes.

"No peeking," Charlie said smiling. Alice laughed giddily. She bounced along with Edward, grabbing my hand as they passed. I squeezed her hand as tightly as she had squeezed my heart.

We stopped in front of the stall. Edward picked her up and gave me the nod to remove her blindfold.

"Ready, Ali?" I asked.

"Yes!" She cried. I ripped the bandana off and her eyes took in her present. Her horse was sticking her head out of the window opening.

"My own horse?" Alice asked. She was almost too excited to speak. Her voice was shaky.

"Your own horse," Carlisle told her. Alice tentatively reached one of her small hands out to stroke the horse. It whinnied in appreciation of the rubs. Alice laughed.

"Will I get to ride her?"

"We'll break her in together," Edward assured. He took Alice off his shoulders and opened the stall door. O'Ryan came barreling into the barn from somewhere out on the property. He was panting heavily and went straight to Alice. He licked her face.

Alice clapped her little hands. "We have a horse! We have a horse, O'Ryan!" The big dog sniffed the large animal before him. The horse stomped its foot. Renee laughed.

"I bet they'll be playing in no time," She assured.

"Alice, you'll have to name your horse," Esme said. Alice's face frowned in thought. She looked to her new pet.

"Honey," She said.

"Honey?" Edward asked.

"She is the color of honey, daddy," Alice explained simply. "And momma called me honey all the time." All six adults smiled down to the small child before us.

"Honey it is," Edward replied softly.

Alice went around and hugged everyone one more time. When she came to me, I picked her up in my arms and Alice whispered in my ear.

"I love you, Bella," She said. Tears sprang to my eyes immediately.

I whispered back, "I love you, Ali." We shared that small moment together in secret. I would never forget it.

We took her to see the new saddle and bridle. After releasing Honey out to pasture, Esme, Renee, and I went to start dinner. Alice played a board game with Charlie and Carlisle in the living room. We had opened all the windows in the house just after the rain came. I managed to slip out onto the porch where Edward was while I waited on potato's to finish their boiling. Edward sat contently in a rocking chair with a beer and a cigarette. Honey had walked into her stall to eat and let the rain pass. It was seven and still light outside.

Summer would be here soon. The rain made the air smell fresh and earthy. Edward patted his knee. I chuckled and went to sit on his lap. I took his cigarette and sighed contently. Edward rested his hands on my thighs.

"We have a good life here," I said quietly. We looked out to the property and you could almost see the earth become more green from the rain.

"That we do," He agreed. We could hear Alice's happy laugh from inside. Fatty sat on the porch watching the spring birds come to life from the rain.

I leaned back against his chest. Edward kissed my neck. With everyone we cared about in the world just one wall away from us, things were perfect. We met online as people unknown, and came together as a new whole. I began thanking God. I thanked him for Rosalie. If not for her, I would not have met Edward at all. If it wasn't for the Internet, or the weather, I wouldn't have gotten to fall in love. If it weren't for Tanya, we wouldn't have Alice. We were not your ordinary family, but it was ours.

We had overcome many hurdles that life threw before us. We don't have a perfect love story. It was the imperfections that made us perfect together.

_~FIN~_

* * *

**Ah, so sweet, yes?**

**The love I have received for this story has been overwhelming. You guys sure do know how to make an author happy. I know that not everyone will love it, but that's the beauty of it. You put yourself out there in words and hope for the best, but prepare for the worst. I got the best from you all.**

**Want an Epilogue? Maybe an EPOV outtake? I will list this story as complete, but I suggest adding it to your alerts. An epilogue and or outtake is highly possible and likely for the future. Maybe even for a compilation.**

**I recommend my new story, Vegas and July. It will be different, fresh, and filled with romance, heartache, and angst. A trip cross country once a year for five years to collide with your other half...**

**Thank you all again for taking this small journey with me. I hope I touched a heart or two. xxoo, always.**

**-Greye**


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